'Randoms' Category

Monday Madness

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It’s a Monday full of debaucherous news and announcements Kickettes. 

We’ve lots to tell you about: John Terry is getting married this summer, Coleen’s 21st “circus” party took chav spectacle to a new level, Michaela Henderson-Tynne has a new man, and Theo Walcott bought a car.

Just give us a minute – or sixty – to sort a hosting problem out, and we’ll tell you all about it.  In the meantime, please curse the non-gods of computer technology that keep us from bringing you such important news.

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Coleen Plans A Party

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We’re sure you’ve already got Coleen McLoughlin‘s 21st birthday marked in your diaries, but just in case you’ve neglected to keep up with such crucial information, we thought we’d fill you in on the planned festivities on the 31st of March.

Coleen and her main squeeze, Wayne Rooney, have sent out over 300 invitations to a wide range of hotties and notties in the football world like The Beckhams, Sven Goran Eriksson, Steven Gerrard and Alex Curran. Oh, and please know this, dear readers: there will be at least two members of the Atomic Kittens there, and really, isn’t that all that matters?

Anyhoo, Girls Aloud (including Cheryl Cole), and the Sugababes will be providing the live music.  And by live, we mean lip-synced and/or mimed.  For those of you living abroad who have never heard of these bands, there’s a reason for that, and it rhymes with “trap”.

There will be acrobats and trapeze artists entertaining the masses. The invitation is a lilac and pink, six page tome with close up shots of Coleen’s lips and eyes.  It explains how to get to Thornton Manor in Merseyside and specifically says not to bring a mobile phone or camera as they will be swiftly dashed in the bin.  Or given to a security guard for collection later.  Or fed to the trapeze artists.

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Want to Be A WAG?

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So, we hate ourselves for even writing about this, but since we can’t bring ourselves to talk about what happened to the lovely Becks and his rotten knee, we’re going there.

A new reality TV show, called, I Want to be a WAG, is being put together, with a “mystery” footballer agreeing to take part. The baller will date 20 wannabe WAGs before choosing a winner. And then he will propose to them.

As in proposing marriage.

We know, we know.  What fake ass footy player have they got lined up for this sham of a show?  We can guarantee it ain’t a premier leaguer.  Where did they find this dude?  Playing in the Seniors’ Sunday League? Who else would agree to do it?

Hang on, it gets better.  The wannabes will be mentored by an established WAG.  She will guide them in the ways of digging for gold, applying fake tanner and showing them which direction they should be looking on the pitch when their man is playing.  Who’s being lined up to mentor? Danielle Lloyd, Nicole T and Suzi Walker.

Hmm.  Aren’t true WAGs born, not bred?  Or at the very least, self-taught?

A spokesperson for the show (being produced by North One for MTV in the UK) said: “The footballer is very famous and is a real catch. He is dying to meet a beautiful, sexy woman to be his perfect wife. He won’t be revealed until the day before filming starts.  He is looking for the next Victoria Beckham or Coleen McLoughlin. After just eight weeks he will propose to one lucky girl.“

Gazza? Is it you?

Any wannabes out there that are “beautiful, willing to learn, and have a lot of personality” (their words, not ours), can apply.  We won’t judge Kickettes.  Not much, anyway.

WTF Files: The Chia Beckham


There are no words to describe this product. We’re not being sarcastic – the website selling this contraption isn’t in a language that our computer can recognize.

What we do know for sure is this: it’s a David Beckham chia pet.

You open the head, pour in the seeds, add water, and enjoy a lovely botanical treat for your home.

Being immortalised as a chia pet is a level of success rarely attained in life, no?  We are witnessing something truly larger than life.

Now, let us never speak of this again.

Link: David Beckham Chia

happy hot year

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Oof. Anyone else experiencing a mammoth hangover/Xmas pudding overload that’s seriously interferring with your ability to sit in front of a computer and get motivated to write anything decent and can only summon up the strength to nap on the sofa?

Curse you holiday season full of champagne goodness.

We are slowly getting back on track and have kicked the relatives, elves and other such hangers-on’s out of the house and we’re ready to trawl the internet/email/mags for dirt, gossip and hotness.

But please, dear readers, do not expect much until the shops open and we can get a extra large bottle of Advil and possibly a manicure.

A quick warm welcome to 2007 – we can’t wait to see what you bring to the footy pitch this year.

We’re personally hanging out to find out David will be doing in this new year… Real Madrid? LA Galaxy? A return to the English Premiership? We’re hearing that Victoria wants a house in LA and David wants to get back to Blighty as soon as poss. We need closure on this situation.

What are our fellow Kickette’s out there hoping and anticipating for the coming year? Do share if you’re so inclined.