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Just when we thought cheating footballers would be hyper-sensitive to the eyes and ears and camera lenses around them, we have a trio of bad boys on the brink of relationship red cards.
Q: What do Patrice Evra, Carlos Tevez and Oliver Kahn have in common?
A: They all allegedly cheated on their significant others with blonde lady friends.
What’s worse:
And… another one bites the dust. (Rio, we’ll get to you in a minute.) But for now, let’s examine the public relations fail that somehow advised the very married Ashley Cole to explain away sending photos of his penis to a glamour model in this manner:
He was “larking about”.
Alone.
Taking photos of his naked body. Just, ‘cuz.
Then a friend of a friend’s mate with bad credit needed a way to communicate and Ashley passed on his pay-as-you-go (?) phone… and the rest is history.
As everyone in the free world is aware, PAYG phones are for drug dealers, cheaters and 10-year-old girls. As everyone in the free world is also aware: Ashley’s excuse is complete and utter bollocks.
Especially when another girl has come out with more photos. Sigh.
We’re coming round to the idea that supporting the England squad means supporting skankery in all it’s forms, both stupid and sophisticated. But mostly stupid. So, let’s all throw our wholehearted backing into STD testing and move past this.
And also: We want to see the photos. No shame in our game.
Random: Ashley’s injury makes us stampy; he’s such a talented player. World Cup, we barely knew ye.
Well, what do we have here?
Spanish gossips are reporting a potentially uncomfortable morning-after walk-o’-shame situation involving our favourite goal-keeper, Iker Casillas. While the whole, factual truth of this rendezvous –  including the chica’s identity -  is not available for public consumption, Iker’s sheepish look of guilt has us in a tizzy speculating the endless possibilities of this early afternoon gathering.
Is she his lead PR rep? A beard-groomer? The local Avon lady pushing the company’s newest shimmer-kiss lip balm?
Regardless, we think Iker needs a little coaching in avoiding detection by the press/friends/family/current lovers thing. Here’s a few pointers, luv:
Digging ourselves out of the mountainous pile of tabloid reports, JT jokes, and tired “WAGs as role models” arguments, we find that yet, again, we are left with more questions than answers in the John Terry, Wayne Bridge and Vanessa Perroncel fiasco.
Call it information overload, call it alcohol kills brain cells, we’re not bothered.
The big news this afternoon is Fabio Capello’s decision to take John Terry off of captaincy duty for the England team. In a statement provided by the FA, Capello commended JT’s performance as captain but said that taking “other considerations” into account he thought it was best for the team.
We all know what those “other considerations” are: John Terry’s oft-lauded, but badly-behaving penis.
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DaMarcus Beasley has his car set alight. That’s not hot. [via UF.com]
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Thierry Henry’s got bad guts and missed training with Barcelona.
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David Beckham is getting nervous about returning to Old Trafford. His wife Victoria recently chose a face-lift without surgery at American Idol.
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The Champions League final was bigger than the Superbowl last year. Does that mean we’ll get Janet and Justin performing in 2010?
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Danielle Lloyd talks about her plans for her marriage to Jamie O’Hara next summer.
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Javier Pastore, hottie or nottie?
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Robinho raps. Who knew? And, also: who cared?
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Darius Vassell is an awesome blogger. This is really cute.
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The footballers are sleepy and they’re saying some silly stuff.
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Finally, we’ve a question for you Kickettes: where do you sit in terms of your JT scandal overload? Do you want us to give it more time? Or keep the salacious updates to a minimum? We’re curious to know where the army stand on this.
Well, the John Terry affair allegations have really taken the jam out of our gossip-loving doughnut.
Think it’s fair to say that we would like to shove our fingers in our ears and sing “la, la, la,” rather than deal with this story.
Considering we rummage only in snark and footy private lives, we admit, this is unusual. But here’s why:
1. Because it’s straight up, messed up and ick-making to the highest degree. Damn, John Terry, you shoulda, coulda, woulda.
2. Because in a World Cup year we like to imagine a happy, united and unified team heading into battle.
3. Because this reminds us that the list of current England players – and in fact, footy players in general- that have had nasty extra-curricular activities reported, rumoured and whispered about is a skanktastic kilometre long.
4. It takes the wind out of our short tent story. (Hee, geddit?)
As the story develops and we can seperate truth from rumour more clearly, we will update with links below.
Side note: If this news is the “open secret” it’s rumoured to be, does that mean Toni Terry has known about this for some time?
Update with link about JT’s role as England captain: “If the requirement is for the best leader, the man who exudes the qualities required of a captain on the pitch, there remains no one better.” -Â Captain Contradiction
Link: John Terry – Injunction Lifted On Reporting
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Cute Germans and Nutella? Who’s been peeking into our diary of footy food fantasies?
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WAG Clio Zenden reveals that her seven-year relationship with Sunderland’s Bolo Zenden is officially dunzo.
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Keep your World Cup longing burning with this flashback to the killer Brazil/Italy ‘82 match.
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Spurs have their own i-phone app! Those of us with Blackberries will keep stum on the matter.
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Let’s carry on the Jose Mourinho love-fest we’re all enjoying at the mo’ with a 3-minute highlight roll of his sideline antics.
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The Inter boys autographed a ton of banners to raise money for Inter Campus Romania and the children of Haiti.
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Is Lady Gago heading to Man City? (You’ve seen the hair-update, right?)
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The sexy Robbie Savage gets hit in the head with footballs. A lot.
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Gigi Buffon and Alena look airbrushed to even more perfection than they already are. (Second shot)
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What’s the deal with Freddie Ljungberg not showing up for training?
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Manchester United are appealing Rio Ferdinand’s violent conduct charge. Much more interesting: a pic of Rebecca and baby Tate!
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Nisty is unveiled at Hamburg.
All is not well with our favorite family with the full heads of hair.*
It looks as though Sergio “Kun” Aguero and Giannina Maradona are no longer dwelling together in their Madrid McMansion and media speculation reports they haven’t been for quite awhile.
Confudido? We are too. Here’s a quick refresher:
