Footballer break season has been underway for some time, and whilst we’ve certainly enjoyed the onslaught of holiday photos, we have felt rather deprived from visions of metallic swim trunks and freshly waxed skin. Normally, one can rely on Sergio Ramos to come through with these such goods, but so far, he’s been curiously incognito.
Where in the world could he be? We’ve narrowed down the options:
1. Deep in the heart of middle America on the Hairdressing Offenses Against Humanity Witness Protection program waiting until the offending salon is brought to justice. (Reference photo above); or
2. In Miami getting fitted for his custom-made Jessica Simpson/Ken Paves hair extensions to correct his recent scissor abuse (again, reference image above);
3. Stuck in the queue at Louis Vuitton in Paris waiting to snap up some Kanye West for LV sneakers;
4. Somewhere in Spain practicing his flamenco routine as he attempts to try out for season three of Fama ¡A bailar! Barring any oddly placed kinesio tape, other contestants will have nothing on his swinging hips;
5. At home in Sevilla with his dog, Odie, catching up on his Harry Potter library of material in anticipation of the new release, taking extensive breaks in between audio books/DVDs to sort his manbags according to designer and color.
We know one thing for certain: Sergio is not set to return to Real Madrid until July 27; the possibilities for his geographical location are endless. He did make a brief appearance at the Belen Lopez flamenco show in Madrid earlier this month, so we think Europe is the most likely answer.
Where is he? Could Sergio be on his way to Los Angeles to take his long-awaited private tour of Neverland Ranch? Recovering after some particularly grueling manscaping?
Sigh. We miss him terribly.