'Rumour Mill' Category

The Infidelity Files: Ashley Cole?

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The gossip rags are full of news today that Chelsea’s Ashley Cole has been cheating on super-gorge and oft-annoying wife Cheryl.

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So that you don’t have to waste valuable Friday skive-time, we’ve distilled the numerous details from the alleged incident into a few succinct non-facts:

Random girl/skank/cash grabber in question: Aimee Walton
Date/location said incident took place: December 8, 2007, at the CC Club in London
State of Ashley: drunkity drunk drunk. In the VIP. With mates
State of Aimee: also drunk off her tree. Also in the VIP. Awaiting approach
Successful pulling line: (from one of Ashley’s friends) “Ashley wants you to go home with him.“
Hook up locale: Mate’s house in North London

and scene.

Before anyone even starts about ballers and their lack of romantic gestures, let us pre-empt you naysayers now.  After the “magic happened”, Ashley begged Aimee to keep the incident a secret, and then promptly vomited all over the floor.

Link: Ashley Accused of Cheating

Alan Smith: Loo Romantic

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Apparently the night before the big England v Croatia match last year (you know, the one we’re still bitter, twitching, and bitterly twitching over), the England team were partying with a group of teenage models at Watford’s Grove Hotel. And by partying, we mean having sex in the toilets, followed by a side of text-stalking.

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The Infidelity Files: Adrian Mutu

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As a former Finest Five list favourite of ours, Adrian Mutu is never far from our hearts and loins. For example, we watch this promo for his reality TV show on a daily basis, even if we have no idea what anyone is saying on it. 

As such, we can only report on rumours that Adrian is having an affair via an somewhat objective, bulleted list of attempted non-judgment.

- Adrian is married to Consuelo, who is expecting their second child in a few months, (he has one other child from a previous relationship).

image- Tabloids in Italy are reporting a scandalicious affair between Adrian Mutu and actress/model Martina Stella.

- Although she has a few acting credits to her name (like a bit part in Ocean’s Twelve), it’s yet to be fully confirmed whether Martina falls into the Opportunistic Dating range of mistresses we are all so familiar with. 

- Photos have been published in the craptastically bad Novella 2000 magazine of the pair flirting and chatting at a table in a disco in Florence.

- Mr M. swears that the two are just old friends.

- In fact, Adrian and Martina met met five years ago, when Martina was nineteen and dating Lapo Elkann, the Fiat scion who (allegedly) overdosed on a cocaine and heroin cocktail and was found unconscious in the apartment of a middle-aged transvestite named Patrizia.

- Oh, and Martina abandoned Lapo’s near-ginger arse after that happened.

- Adrian’s official line on the matter: “I love my wife Consuelo who is going to give me a third child and I adore my family. In this moment I am particularly happy with my life and I don’t have any any worries in my head. What other people are talking about me in these days is pure fantasy.“

Infidelity possibilities aside, let’s get back to the major issue that has been left out of reports, tabloids or otherwise:  Mutu is still good-looking. We will continue to monitor this status and situation as a matter of urgency.

thanks S!

Rumour Mill: Posh and the Pussycats

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Another Monday, another Victoria Beckham rumour about her all-conquering Hollywood schedule.

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Latest is that’s she’s been asked to do a one-off performance with the burlesque dancing Pussycat Dolls.

For those not in the know, the original Pussycat Dolls were started by choreographer Robin Antin, and made their name when Johnny Depp booked their burlesque show at his club, The Viper Room for weekly gigs for nearly a year.  The PCD have had a variety of special guest dancers including Carmen Electra, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera and Pink.

Victoria could handle the dance routines and quite obviously the wardrobe/high heels.  But we’re not sure about her live-singing abilities.  And by not sure, we mean they don’t exist. 

Can you imagine it though, Kickettes? The camp value of Victoria in a bubbly champagne glass and suspenders is just too fabulous.  It’s the role she was born to play/lipsync.

image: celebutopia

Link: Posh Becomes A Doll

The Infidelity Files: Garry O’Connor

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He’s young, he’s rich and he’s dumb.

Usually the way we like ‘em, but in the case of Garry O’Connor and his booze-fest of prostitutes, merriment and prostitutional merriness, we’re not really down with his bg.

Story has it that the newly signed Birmingham City striker had a liason with four hookers a few nights before his team’s Premiership debut against Chelsea on Saturday.  Mr. O was first spotted with a mate hitting up the local massage parlour to pick up the girls. 

Pause for thought: isn’t that a tad idiotic? Can’t you pay for a freakin’ cab?  You make something like £2.7 million and you have to go collect the ‘talent’ yourself? That was your first mistake, sweetheart.

Second mistake: you’re not cute.

Third mistake: your hair style.