'Serie A' Category

Weekend Results: Apologies & Upsets

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AC Milan’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This man is the gift that just keeps on giving, no? (Getty Images/Zimbio)

This morning, we would like to begin the Weekend Results post with a pledge. In future we shall try to avoid making statements on the good form or otherwise of a particular club. While it is vaguely amusing to see the application of our collective football knowledge shown up for what it is, we realise that continual damning of form clubs into the depths of embarrassment *may* alienate us from our readers. We offer our apologies to Chelsea fans in particular, a club whose form we recently described as imperious across all competitions.

Sorry.

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Kickette Fail Files: Ezequiel Lavezzi, Napoli

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It’s unusual for us to be disappointed when we find a man in this position. But there’s a first for everything. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

Ok. Because it’s Friday we’re prepared to take at least part of the blame for this one. We accept that in a previous post we *may* have set unrealistic expectations by alerting you guys to the general manliness that is Ezequiel Lavezzi. His muscles. His tattoos. His fearlessness in the fray that resulted in some sort of facial injury.

But while we did threaten the use of a stun gun in our last encounter with the man, we must confess that in fact our stun guns were seized (along with a significant quantity of cake and alcohol) during the last police raid of Kickette HQ. We have no firepower. What you see above is all him.

You’ve let us down, Lavezzi. Your case will now be heard.

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Fake It ‘Till You Make It: How To Club Hop, Serie A Style

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Picture this: your club has just defeated your inter-city rivals in the annual derby contest. If you’re one part of an Italian Stallion footy line-up, how do you celebrate?

First, you strip (2.48 – 2.58) and run pantless past the press (3.14). Then, you put on your best pair of diamond heart earrings and have a BNO, of course.

So what if you can’t *BE* a Serie A footballer? No worries because we, along with Stefano Okaka Chuka, Aleandro Rosi, Daniele De Rossi, Mirko Vucinic and Philippe Mexes, have got you covered in our wannabe-footballers’ guide to going out.

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Argy Bargy: Oguchi Onyewu v Zlatan Ibrahimovic

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When news broke over the weekend that AC Milan players Oguchi Onyewu and Zlatan Ibrahimovich had been involved in a handbags situation during training we put down our vodka shots and lunged for the nearest working iPhone.

Apparently a rough tackle occurred. Throats were grabbed. Training was cancelled. Afterwards, coach Galliani told skysport24, “It was a fairly lively fight, it happens when there is a rather rough tackle. The players have cleared the air, though, and personally I am always happy when I see them train hard. Case closed.”

Not so fast. We’re furious that the focus has been taken off the obvious, happy-making query: did the best abs win? If so, whose were they? We know it’s a toughie, but we demand answers people. And we won’t rest until we get them or another round of vodka shots.

Weekend Results: A Confession

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Serie A, Ladies & Gents. Where manlove was born. (Reuters/Daylife)

Soooo, we have a small confession-ette to make. The EPL followers among you may have noticed that during Birmingham City’s 2-2 draw with West Ham on Saturday, the sprinkler system inexplicably ‘switched itself on’ (left). This resulted in some players and the referee getting wet. We would like to state that it was indeed, as some of you may have suspected, a Kickette soldier girl who twiddled with the necessary plumbing. (Getty/Daylife)

It’s true.** And we would like to reassure you that while it appeared to be a bit of a let down (limited shirt clinging), this was merely a dress rehearsal in our eternal quest for damp footballers. All we’ll say for now is that it’s El Classico in a few weeks and we’ve got our wrench.

As you were.

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