'Sirius Bizniz' Category

Sirius Bizniz: Marseille’s Brandão Accused of Rape


Olympique Marseille L'OM footballer

Image: EQ.

We live in dangerous times, Kickettes. In today’s world, snark plus sirius bizniz can be a minefield. Our infamous office might be packed with women experienced in the arts of explosive management and/or removing stubborn mudstains from cotton mix, but even we know that when bad news breaks, waiting until the full story/truth/both sides are revealed is the only way to avoid the backspray.

Today, we aim to test this theory to it’s limits by examining the unhappy case of Olympique de Marseille footballer, Brandão (full name Evaeverson Lemos da Silva), and his recent indictment.

Last Tuesday, the 30-year-old Brazilian player was arrested at his home after a 23-year-old female accused him of  having ‘raped her in his car’ at a motorway rest stop some days prior.  According to conflicting reports, the pair either spent the entire evening of 2nd March together at a night club in Aix-en-Provence before departing in tandem or Brandão was merely being a good Samaritan by offering to give the stranded stranger a lift home.

Events since then have been hectic, to say the least.


The Kickette Query: Who Is The Most Influential Man In Football?


Image: dev.venemobile.com.

We assume that everyone who frequents this site is painfully aware that our primary criteria for deciding the relative importance of someone’s role in the game is based on how hot they are. We also realise, however, that your love for the beautiful game runs deeper than our shallow kiddie pool.  Given your recently demonstrated voting prowess, combined with your willingness to flaunt your not inconsiderable football knowledge at the slightest provocation, we have decided to up the ante.

The WAG poll was merely a warm-up, people.


QOTD: Noémie Lenoir On Her Suicide Attempt


People say, ‘How could she do it, how could she try and kill herself, didn’t she think about her son?’ But they don’t understand. I love my son so much. But I didn’t think I was good enough, I thought I was poison. Poison for me and poison for him. When I was depressed I felt like I was poisoning his life by being in it.

Heavy stuff, Kickettes.

Noémie opened up to The Guardian about her suicide attempt last year. We are, of course, happy to report that Noémie is doing well and living in France with her six-year-old son Kelyan (daddy is retired footballer Claude Makélélé).  She blames her actions on a “very deep depression” and calls them “really, really stupid”. She’s made a number of positive changes in her life, including learning to drive and changing her eating habits, and looks to be back on the right track.

If the accompanying fashion spread is anything to go by, we’d say that Noémie is back and better than ever. Click here to see her model looks from Lanvin, Stella McCartney, and Chanel.


Depression can be a lifelong struggle. If you wish to seek help, please do so through a support network like The Samaritans.

Grant Wahl: Abdominal Muscle Activist


Hold on. Should this be made legal? We have trouble concentrating as it is. Image: theoffside. Thx Laurie for the tip!

It requires dedication, effort and an unshakable belief in one’s own convictions to run a successful election campaign. This is the reason why you will rarely find us involved in one.

However, even the lazy, couture obsessed oafs who inhabit the Kickette office are not impervious to a relevant cause. This is why we feel the need to draw your attention to Sports Illustrated writer Grant Wahl’s campaign to become the next FIFA president.

Yes, mad as it sounds, Grant has nominated himself as a candidate in FIFA’s presidential election, which takes place on June 1st. The author of ‘The Beckham Experiment’ said in the SI article announcing his plans:

“It gets kind of old hearing the world’s soccer fans complain about Blatter without anyone trying to provide an alter­native. And make no mistake, FIFA needs to change.”

So why is this of interest to us? You might well ask…


‘Baller Soap Operas: Nicklas Bendtner, Caroline Fleming & Rory Fleming


Caroline separated from husbandArsenal striker new father

Please, we implore you, click, enlarge and print off these handy reference cards.

The behind the scenes story of Caroline Fleming and Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner’s romantic rendezvous is a big ‘ole mess. Because the Baroness hasn’t legally divorced her first husband, Rory Fleming, media speculation is rife about the various implications said in-limbo marriage will have on her newborn son with Bendtner.

For example?

Although Caroline Fleming knows her child’s biological father is Nicky “No Pants,” Bendtner there’s a possibility that he will not be legally recognised as the father of the child.

You know that’s some messed up ish.

But wait – there’s definitely more.  And, to streamline the story line, we’re giving all of you a 3-card head start to building an official Kickette Love Triangle Trading Card Catalogue.

C’mon, all the cool kids are doing it.