Carlos Bocanegra: Happy Trails To Us, Until We Meet Again
'The Finest Five' Category
Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet
Image: Twitter.
We can’t deny – we were quite the lushes this weekend.
With our gluttony on a roll, we give you Carles Puyol’s thigh(s). This may or may not resemble your brain on drugs, but just go with it. It’s the best we can offer you at this time.
Saturday
- The Mirror tried to get cute with an infographic of their own but nothing will beat the original.
- We read Samuel Eto’o's words as ‘wealthy’ instead of ‘healthy’. But that probably says more about us than him.
- David De Gea breaks with Spanish NT traditions and reveals he has decent music taste.
The Bocagraphic: A Breakdown Of His Body
Thnx @esanchez6 for the tip!
Remember that time, way back when, where we charted Skankocity’s course? That was loads of laughs, right?
Well, there’s finally something better. One that didn’t require us lifting a fancy finger to create.
In honour of Carlos Bocanegra’s 100th cap with the USMNT – which he earned last night versus Slovenia – US Soccer has put us and our charts to shame with their aptly-titled Bocagraphic.
Sure it’s got tons of distracting words in all caps mixed with flashy colours, but you need to rise above that, Kickettes, and appreciate this for what it is: 2.5MB of downloadable Boca Burger art.
Have fun clicking/zooming/screen-grabbing the ‘Goals by Body Part’ section, limb by limb. We sure as hell did.
An Open Letter To Cesc Fabregas: F5 Intervention
Dear Cesc,
There was a time when we thought our love for you was unconditional. That the beauty you exuded from your pretty face to your perfectly formed tippy-toes was sufficient to overcome any negative feelings we might have about your personal decisions and/or conduct during work-based arguments.
But then you started dropping hints that the perfection we rely on to get us through the night day might be causing you some anguish.
Marco Borriello & Camila Morais: The Feeling Is Mutual
Damn you Marco for showing us the tongue that we’re missing, and damn you Camila for stealing our man and our much coveted Chanel bag. Image Credit: Gossip.it.
Pepsi Max Pose Off: Carlos Bocanegra vs. Jozy Altidore & Maurice Edu
We’re aware that Clint Dempsey was there too, but we omitted him from the comp because his bedroom eyes weren’t staring straight at us. Or the camera. Either way. Oh and, soz about the quality of pics. We figured you could all get past it for the sake of our opinion sourcing post. Image Credit: Twitter & Tumblr.
Today’s USMNT carbonated beverage pose off is a battle between brawn and bromance. At left, we have Carlos Bocanegra looking as American as a cherry tree just before it’s picked and processed into pie. And those arms? Strong enough to carry five grannies in each across the street. His silent but deadly stance has even inspired us to start recycling next year. Go us.
Jozy Altidore and Maurice Edu are playing the devil’s advocates to Boca’s camera lighting heavenly halo in their still frame on the right, which we have mixed feelings about. Jozy is clearly a contemplative thinker type, and we’re wondering what he’s thinking about or if it’s us. Edu, on the other hand, blatantly isn’t. He’s actually quite unapologetic in his hot playa position, which we’re not totally hatin’. However, if their objective was to tag team that photographer’s lens in naked unison, then we’re hard pressed to find any angles that illustrate their spoils of victory.
Is Carlos winning your vote with his ‘less is more’ attitude, or is it double your pleasure, fun and pimp juice with Jozy and Maurice for you?
Product Shill: Aitor Ocio For CK One Shock Cologne
Finest Five member, Aitor Ocio, smiled pretty and did his spokesmanly duty at the CK One ‘Shock’ launch in Madrid yesterday. We highly recommend taking a moment (or an hour) to look at all of the photos from the launch, they’re the best distraction on this Thursday morning. Image Credit: Divinity.
Weekend Results: Traumatised Torsos
Image: AP Photo/Daniele Badolato; Dan Istitene/Getty Images Europe.
Early in the season it’s difficult for players to work themselves into sufficient frenzy to rip their shirts off and run around the pitch in merriment. Not so much at stake, y’see.
But fortunately for ab connossieurs like our good selves, trauma and disappointment also evoke a need to bury noses in polyester. So if you’re commiserating your team’s loss this weekend, just remember: every shirt has a silver (ish) lining.
Happy grazing.
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