'The Finest Five' Category

The Finest Five: 3.0



It’s the first of the month, and time to begin the second half of 2008 with an update to our Finest Five list.

Before we begin, let us remind both our newer readers and the Kickette hardcore alike that the Finest Five is an ‘of the moment’ list, not a permanent one.  A player being moved off the list doesn’t mean we no longer acknowledge his physical/facial abilities, just that we’re crushing for the moment on another.  On the other hand, The Hot HOF is a permanent list which recognizes those who have served their teams/countries well and deserve something more formal on the mantlepiece.

Click through for our latest take on the hottest men on the footie pitch.


The Finest Five, 2.0



As promised, if you look to the left you’ll see the new and improved Kickette Finest Five list. Not many changes, but assessing hotness cannot be rushed. We anticipate a few more moves in upcoming weeks.

We are already aware that our list heavily favours foreigners from a specific region of the world that seems to produce hotties by the metric tonne. No need to re-inform us of our bias, thank you.  Remember, lust lists are – and should remain – entirely subjective.  Please fill us all in on your thoughts, personal top fives and so forth.


(to see our original list, click here.)



5. Frank Lampard, Chelsea FC


We must pre-empt the inevitable hysteria of this decision by stating for the record that Frank Lampard’s admission on the Finest Five list is for a limited period only. He is not a perma. Repeat, he is not a perma. 

However, we have found lately that when Lampsy isn’t rocking glittered jumpers or other such fash-trash, he rather does fill out a pair of jeans quite nicely. The thighs are not to be denied, of that we concur. 

(Warning, Liverpool fans, look away now). What opened the list up for Frank when we’ve been so wishy-washy before? Witnessing his mental strength in the CL semi’s when he stepped up to take a penalty just days after losing his mother to pneumonia. We’re far from softies, (and in fact, were staring at the television in horror at what we thought was sure to be an excruciatingly awful miss), but when Frank pulled that off, under insane amounts of pressure, we felt something go a quiver. We love us some mental strength in the face of adversity.  In any case, we never thought the day would come, but Frankie, you’re on the list. For now. Please see “Bubbling Under” candidates below and be concerned.



Kaspar Schmeichel, like most toyboy crushes, we’ve outgrown you. To be honest, you enjoyed way too long a spot on the coveted list simply because of our napping schedule, and that was irresponsible. We doubt you will return, but keep taking your vitamins and perhaps one day we’ll remember what team you play for.



Paolo Maldini, AC Milan


The more time passes, the more we appreciate. The more we appreciate, the more we want to feed Paolo tiramisu whilst he smiles sweetly and flexes his legs. It’s not just his historic level of play that is such a sizzle-factor for Paolo, it’s the style and panache and full blown swagger he’s got at levels triple that of the average bloke. And he’s Italian. ‘Nuff said.



Carlos, your time to shine is approaching.  Nando, you’re nearly there. We are starting to feel the love. Florent, we feel we may have judged you and your stellar cheekbones too soon and too harshly. We’re thinking you need some serious reconsideration. And Roque? You deserve a list all your own.

Link: Bobby Boswell vs the Finest Five
Link: The Finest Five – It’s Official

Photo Call: Iker & Eva do Dinner



image via tfs

Our love of the hotness that is Iker Casillas continues, while his love of on-again-off-again gal, Eva Gonzalez, also remains.

Side note: Okay, so he can’t grow a proper beard. Don’t judge.

Off the List: Florent Malouda



Dear Mr. Malouda,

The Kickette Finest Five list is no place for those who whinge, complain or generally appear to be a big girl about things, and so we bid you adieu.  But not your abs. Your abs will live on in our memories for at least another five, maybe six minutes.

Sincerely not yours,

Stepping in to replace you in the number 4 spot will be the delectable Xabi Alonso.

As for you down there in the number 5 spot – Kasper? We’re totally bored of you now, mate.  Consider yourself in the danger zone: the only thing keeping you in at this point is the blonde hair. And that’s simply because we need to mix it up, you know?

Photo Call: Cristiano Ronaldo, Water, Etc.


image: jpi

Really, any words we write will only take away from time spent viewing the image.

Love Cristiano or hate him Kickettes, but if you say anything bad about the bod, we’ll put a Manolo in your not-nearly-as-toned behind.

cheers michaela!