'The Finest Five' Category

Weekend Results: Box Office Body Language


Basti’s feeling glad all over. Image: Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images.

We’re not so much doing body language right now as exuding caffeine fumes and an air of menace. Luckily, our ‘baller boys are far more expressive with their appendages.



Sergio Ramos: Sleepy Sounds For A Special Person


Image: Of Headbands & Heartbreak.

If you found yourself wondering why in the hell would Sergio Ramos be tweeting links to the song “Heaven” by Bryan Adams before going to bed last night, wonder no more.

Take it away Google Translate!

Time to go to sleep. Tomorrow match against Saudi. I leave this topic of Bryan Adams dedicated to a very special person. Good night.

Note the emphasis, Kickettes.

The Ramos™ and 80s music. It’s what we’ve always dreamed of, and now it’s come to life. As a guessing game nightmare.

The Summer 2012 Transfer Window Closes: Where Art Thou WAGs?


ex girlfriend WAG Pilar former Real Madrid footballer mystery brunette status single taken

Image via Of Handbands & Heartbreak. QPR-supporting Kickettes, as well as happy trail/six pack lovers, a surprise awaits you in the Esteban Granero section.

queens park rangers QPR transfer target new signing real madrid former player los blancos englandAnother frantic Friday is in the books and it couldn’t have happened at a better time.

For us and our gossip-minded people, we mean.


New ‘Ballers In Town: Mike Chabala & Aleandro Rosi


Aleandro Rosi, now of Parma FC. You likey? Images: D&G; Marco Luzzani/Getty Images Europe.

Fans of sexy footy players lining up alongside one another, good news: D.C. United’s (newly crowned hottest 2012 MLS All-Star player by our lurvely readers) Chris Pontius will soon be standing well-chiseled shoulder to well-chiseled shoulder with Mike Chabala, whose trade from Portland Timbers was just announced. Mr Chabala stands at an erect 6’0″, is “good for the gays” says Gay4Soccer.com and has previously been lauded around these parts for his wood chopping talents and environmentally friendly fashion forwardness.

Watch this space and get to know Mike a little better, Kickettes.

Intimately if you can.


The Finest Five: Seven Minutes In (Six Pack) Heaven


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For those blissfully unaware, the Kickette F5 list tends to rage controversy and war across the land. No matter that these “hot list” choices are entirely subjective and based on the mercy of our whims and alcohol intake for the day; we remain braced for the inevitable threats, bribes, anger, elation and tears from the many ‘ballers and fans of such ‘ballers that did not make the cut.  In fact, we’re hiring body guards for the potential backlash we will incur after removing two of our long time placeholders from the lust list.

Side note: partaking in this discussion does not affect your rights to be taken seriously as a footie fan. It just makes you a more complete one.