'The Infidelity Files' Category

Jermain Defoe: Man-Ho of the Year

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We’re declaring Portsmouth’s Jermain Defoe as our 2008 Man Whore of the Year.  It’s quite an achievement.

What’s brought on this sudden and (some might argue), premature victory?  After all, there are still a good six weeks left in the year for another player to sweep in with a gaggle of hoochies and take the title. (Btw, where’s vintage C-Ron when you need him, damn it?) 

We’ll tell you.  The news that Jermain has started dating Chantelle Houghton has made us feel secure enough to make this formal statement. 

Now, we love and respect our readers too much to provide any coverage on the “career” or personality of Miss Houghton, but let’s leave it to her ex-friend, Danielle Lloyd (who also dated Jermain) to sum up her market value:

“If Jermain wants her, he’s welcome to her. She’s not like me — she’s like Woolworths.”

We have no idea what the hell that means. But we think it’s supposed to be a snap of some kind.

Anyhoo, by calling out Jermain as King of all that is Skank, we are not advocating that professional footballers should remain holy and pure and stay home most evenings playing relaxing games of Candyland with a glass of non-sparkling water – far from it.

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Becks in Milan: Victoria Beckham’s Dilemna

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What would you do, Kickettes?

As we know, David Beckham will be making his way to Milan to train during the LA Galaxy off season.  His wife, Victoria, was recently quoted as saying that she will stay behind in LA with the children, and the pair will meet up with each other once a fortnight in the UK.

Let us break down the obvious, but necessary concerns:

The last time David found himself in this type of situ was when he moved to Spain to join Real Madrid. During that time Victoria was busy running like a well-heeled gerbil on the paparazzi wheel with Damon Dash to promote her new album/clothing/something and had little time to spend with hubby.  Cut to Rebecca Loos, a late night limo ride, and you know the rest.

For that reason alone, perhaps Victoria would have some concerns. Her man is hot, and often finds it difficult to keep his golden balls in his shorts.

imageBut also, to the married Kickettes out there – career ambition or not, would the ‘once every two weeks’ set up be satisfactory for you?

Would you be secure enough in your relationship that uprooting the family to another location wouldn’t be an option?

Certainly, Victoria shouldn’t have to follow David around just to keep him faithful. So, is this a sign of a highly successful, supportive marriage, or one that hit the going-through-the-motions stage long ago? 

And, since we’re stuck in a non-stop questioning loop,  does anyone remember how insanely hawt Real was when David and Iker Casillas touched each other regularly? We were so happy then.

Infidelity Files: Ashley Cole Admits He Cheated

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Holy hell, we didn’t see that one coming.

After Cheryl’s ‘available’ video timing and Ashley being spotted out without his wedding ring, the ish really has hit the fan for this couple’s marriage.  Court documents have been made public that Ash really is going to wish had stayed private.

The gory deets that confirm what we all already suspected? Ashley is an idiot.

In court documents, Cole sensationally admitted that he had sexual relationships with Aimee Walton, Brooke Healy, Coralie Robinson and Jakki Degg. But he says that none of the women asked him for permission to disclose their relationships with him before going to a tabloid newspaper.

The best bit? Ashley is suing the tabloids for hundreds of thousands of pounds over this breach of privacy. No word yet on if Cheryl will be suing him for his breach of penis usage.

Link: Ashley Cole Says Kiss-and-Tell Stories Violated Privacy

Exiting the Club? Danielle Lloyd

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Ladies with hubbies that work the pitch, be warned: Danielle Lloyd may soon be single again.

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After the news broke of a girl claiming an affair with Jermain Defoe, Danielle quickly moved out of his house (the mansion Jermain shared with his fiance up until his involvement with Dani and the cat fights and implants and so on).  The story from the girl JD slept with? They’ve been together for seven years, and it involves him wearing her double-G cup bra on his head

Danielle has spoken out about it all, saying:  “These past few days have been hell for me. But I trust Jermain. I have to believe him when he says he has not cheated on me. I love him 100%. I don’t know why someone would do this to us. First us, then poor Cheryl and Ashley Cole. Women who sell these stories have no self respect. They want to make money and be famous for saying they have slept with soccer stars. But they have no shame.“

Rumour also has it Danielle went to a clinic on Harley Street to have some work done.  We’d say forget about the bod and focus on the slow and painful torture of the hairdresser who put these extensions in. 

Side note: what kind of a hooch is Jemaine, btw? After Danielle moved out, he was seen with his Tottenham crew at Chinawhites (would someone please remind us of the exact year this club was ‘it’? ‘98? ‘97? Are there no other places in London to be seen drunk off your ass and falling down?)  Jermain’s friends included Ledley King, (who was carried out by security, lost his shoe, and hit the pavement), Jermaine Jenas and Mr. Defoe’s new, rather non-fetching female friend.  Random: Charlotte Mears and co were also at the club on the eve of the drunken shoe shenanigans. Quite the co-inky dink, but they stayed well clear of each other.

Anyone else getting bored senseless by the tell-alls and the skeeves? Shall we put an embargo on these stories for a week or two whilst we bathe in bleach?

images via Splash News/KEYSTONE press
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Denial-Town, Population Cheryl Cole

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We thought Cheryl Cole was going to break out a can of whoop ass on cheating hubby Ashley, but instead she’s gone public -and unpaid – saying she’ll stand by her man.

image Cheryl says she doesn’t believe Ash was able to throw down under the circumstances and quite convincingly states: “That’s utter rubbish, I know that for a FACT. I know Ashley intimately. When he’s under the influence he ISN’T capable.“ 

Go Cheryl with your “for better or worse” stance on marriage and embrace of the happy place called denial. 

Question: what will Mrs C think about the other two glamour models now up in the tell-all story mix? (One of whom, btw, was paid