'The Infidelity Files' Category

QOTD: The Rooneys Issue A Statement

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Coleen and Wayne Rooney Manchester United“The last six days have been extremely painful for us and our families. It is impossible for us, as it would be for any family, to attempt to resolve any issues in the current media glare and against the backdrop of so many inaccurate and intrusive stories.

We would therefore ask that the media now respect our privacy and the right of our family to discuss these matters in private.”

-Wayne and Coleen Rooney

Since it’s way too close to the weekend for us to ask any question other than, “Where did we put our hip flasks?”, we’re just going to say that certainly is one carefully worded statement. We suggest reading between the lines, Kickettes.

Hang in there, Coleen – our thoughts are with you and your sister Rosie.

*Comments are now closed.*

Baking For The Bad Boys: A Walnut Ring For Wayne Rooney

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The baby grapes, Wazza! How could you (allegedly) betray the little toes?

Recipe for a Scandal: Ingredients

- 1/2 handful of grainy photos

- 2 cups unidentified, random sources

- Generous amounts of liquor (before, during and after, or as needed)

- 1 arrogant/insecure/horny footballer with the ability to shut off the part of his brain that reminds him that he has a family and/or has said vows to remain faithful

- 2 oz. naivety

- 1 cup of hooker

Directions

Mix all ingredients on a Pay As You Go phone for approx. 30 text messages or until WAG is left red-faced. Alternatively, 1 hair dresser can be substituted for 1 cup of hooker in order to make scandal more rich and sordid.

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Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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Hey Sthefany, karma’s a bitch and her name is Miss Brasil. Image: Imirante.Globo.com.

Saturday

-As we mentioned last week, Pato turned 21. We’ve since learned that the occasion was rather low-key, with the AC Milan man spending a quiet two days with Miss Brasil, Débora Lyra (and her Fauxberry hat) touring Venice, Italy. Potential Twitter hashtags for Pato to tweet once his ass gets on the damn social networking site: #YouCanHaveMyMoneyWhileIhaveMissBrasil or, the more mature, #EatYourHeartOutSthefany.

- Romeo Beckham had a birthday. Daddy David looked foine. Raise your hands if you despise Posh’s extensions.

- Another one for the “blow out your candles” files is Raul Albiol, who turned 25 on Saturday.

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Abigail Clancy: Red Rider

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Abbey hit the stables for a day’s riding, calling off from presenting work with ITV. The ring is now off. Chin up, luv!

A Message To Abigail Clancy

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Dear Abi,

We’re not sure if these heinous rumours are true, but if they are, we do know one thing:

Visiting a prostitute while you are engaged to the eye-watering hotness that is yourself is the behaviour of someone in receipt of a comprehensive and highly successful frontal lobotomy.

But let’s not focus on the negative. Indeed, we won’t be offering our condolences to you; we will offer ourselves instead.

Here are five reasons why you should forget about Peter and go out with us instead.

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