The premise of this Sizzle Query is simple, dear readers. Three National team footy players. All offering champagne, grapes and an overnight cuddle sesh. You must divvy out your responses as follows:

1. Submit willingly to one by saying “yes”;

2. Rubber stamp a big ‘ole REJECTED sign on on another, signifying “no”;

3. Ask for a raincheck by regrettably informing them “maybe so/not now but absolutely later babe, pinky swear!”

(Let us pre-empt the inevitable – you’re not allowed to vote “I throw a rope around the trio and group-run like hell to the nearest shower.”)

Just to throw another wrench your way, we didn’t necessarily select the most obvious choices of man candy.  To play fairly, we decided to give some of the other NT members  the spotlight for a change. “Some” being the operative word.

That being said, hypothetical circumstances are irrelevant. You must choose and there’s no other way about it. Keep in mind that while we’ve included our own thoughts, You.Must.Choose. Since we are co-conspirators of the original version of this game, we just supercede the rules.

This should be good.

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Think of science and what springs to mind?

Hey, wake up, we’re not done yet. We think that the science-folk out there might just have discovered their inner cool.

*sounds boat horn* Please. Attention. Come back and sit down.

Let us explain: We’ve got a sneaky suspicion that the folks down at New Scientist have been following us on Twitter. Their latest foray into male forensics has Kickette written all over it: rating footballers’ levels of attractiveness. Our ears have pricked up – have yours?

After some meticulous research, which involved showing participants pictures of sportsmen and having them pass judgment on their looks (why were we not invited?), New Scientist proposed the theory that the best athletes tend to be the best-looking ones.

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Previously unmatched in the sleek and stylishly adorable category, we fear that Kaka’s aesthetic appeal is fading – and fast.

If worn right, we are fans of messy hair, but this fringe just screams “Middle School dance”. It looks like Kaka’s turtleneck ate his neck and has his face as its next target. And the smoking jacket/sweater? Meant for a 90-year-old with a pipe on a porch.

We tried to brush this faux-paus off as a one-time deal, but seriously: how did we go from this to the present moment? Perhaps loving Cristiano taxes the fashion/style nerves.

Do tell: how does the Brazilian talent rate for you? We still love, but our worry-flags are flying high.