'The Sizzle Query' Category

Sergio Ramos & Lara Alvarez: Roman Rendezvous

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Sergio knows just how much of a burden being pretty can really be. We’re lucky we’re so plain. Images via Hola! magazine.

Sergio Ramos and Lara Alvarez were papped being all cutesy in Rome over the holidays – cutesy like how Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens used to be during their ‘High School Musical’ days prior to Vanessa’s nude photos being splashed all over the internet.

Sometimes, after one too many whiskey sours, we like to sit back and have a think about a much different kind of Sergio Ramos. In our dreams, he always plays the role of a rough and ready night rider with a mean shirtless streak and a fondness for corner restaurant booths upholstered in rabbit fur.

How about you, Kickettes? Assuming your minds wander off at all sorts of times during your days too, what kind of character void do you most often dream about The Ramos fulfilling?

The Sizzle Query: Pretty. The Pathetic Aesthetic?

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Image: Getty Images.

During a particularly heavy planning session in the Kickette office last night, it came to our attention that one of our staffers has been hiding an odd kind of crush from the rest of the group.

For the general purposes of fun and mockery, we set about her like coyotes on a cadaver, until she fessed up.

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The Sizzle Query: Fernando Torres & His Heinous Headgear

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Tearing clothes is wrong, Kickettes. There are numerous facilities for the disposal of used clothing that can benefit the less fortunate in our society. We cannot and will not condone the wanton ripping of perfectly good er… (what the hell is that on his head, anyway?) garments for the sake of temporary warmth and/or fashion statement purposes.

We’re not sure which of these Fernando Torres is attempting in this photo, taken by a brave soul at Chelsea’s open training session yesterday. But we have to confess, despite the ‘Elizabethan ruff’ look to the homemade snood bit, plus the fact that we keep thinking about Hilda Ogden when we look at the headscarf thing, Nandina still looks hot.

He does.

We have been at the cooking sherry this morning though. Perhaps that’s thrown our radar off. You think?

Out & About: Matteo Ferrari Wears Leather & Louis Well

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MF, you like tennis? SO.DO.WE! Image taken in Milan, Italy on 03.12.2011.

This man needs to do two simple things to keep us happy and interested in him:

1. Come out in public more often.

2. Leave his gal pal at home more often.

We sure ain’t getting any younger, Matteo, so you need to snap out of this reclusion funk and get your silky smooth booty to street stepping. You can window shop whilst there for all we care. As long as your skinny jeans cling to your thighs for dear life in between strides, you won’t find us complaining.

Survey Says: Olivier Giroud Is Ligue 1′s Sexiest Player Of The Year

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‘Who, me?’ The reality of being identified as a Level 1 Hottie hits home for Olivier when five hundred rampant Tetu readers (plus a couple of well-informed Kickette staffers) turn up and request unsolicited snuggles. Cheers to¬†@Philby1976 for the tip!

We thought we had the inside track on controversial decisions involving the relative hotness of French players. Luckily, Olivier Giroud has just been voted ‘Sexiest Player Of The Year’ in French mag Tetu, which takes the heat off us while we pretend the Finest Five list isn’t in need of an update for at least another three months.

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