'The Sizzle Query' Category

The Sizzle Query: Specs Appeal?

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Image: ROBERTO SALOMONE/AFP/Getty Images.

On the surface, Marek Hamsik had once given us reasons to strike his name from our list of people we would consider jail time for. This haircut for instance is a good case as to why.

Then we found the above picture of Marek from yesterday’s Napoli press conference and it gave us pregnant pause (in figurative and daydream senses). He might look a little bit like Gok Wan but it’s still doing it for us. It helps us make believe that Marek would not only know where the wardrobe was in our hastily constructed love nest, but that he could also operate it to our advantage (they do say that a woman’s brain is her biggest erogenous zone).

What do you think, Kickettes? Is the addition of a pair of black-framed bins sufficient to distract you from a man’s myriad failings? Or are some offences just too heinous to be overlooked with corrective lenses?

The Sizzle Query: The Power Of The Ponytail

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Andy, we kindly ask that you always do your hair in the style that we like best. Thanks in advance! Image Credit: Our Polish sisters-in-arms, Ciacha.net.

We’ve weighed the pros and cons of chopping players’ long locks off once and for all, as well as toyed with the notion of their hair accessories, but never have we contemplated what a good ponytail can do for a ‘baller.

Just two quick rotations of a minimally invasive, non-scrunchie – followed by some spritzes of hairspray to tame fly-aways – is all it takes for us to certify any long-haired footballer as “do-able.” But when their candles and manes are left blowing in the wind? We can’t take cover behind the nearest trash bin quick enough.

This is, by far, the most pressing matter surrounding our day today, so we suggest you consider our mini case study and its proof points carefully.

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Torso-Fros: Stroke ‘Em Or Shave ‘Em?

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Juventus FC’s Andrea Barzagli is a stud in our diaries. Image Credit: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.

A quick query while you’re here: do you find exposed chest hair (aka torso-fro) on footballers (or men in general) to be a lovable rug to hug or an ingrown fur to forget about?

The Tuesday Torso: Manuele Blasi, Parma

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Image Credit: Gabriele Maltinti/Getty Images Europe.

Kickettes, is an exposed, toned and tatted up torso still certifiably ‘hot’ if it only comes out to play mid-snot rocket?

Hottie Or Nottie: Mikkel Thygesen, Brøndby

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sizzle query kickette

Image Credits: BT.dk, Sporten.dk.

Rate or slate Mr Thygesen, Kickettes, using the following key points as consideration:

The Good: His shaved head, strong square jawline and chiseled abdominals. He fills our Danish quotient now that Nicklas Bendtner has slowed his role.

Also, Thygesen was part of a reality TV programme in Denmark in ’09 with his ‘brother from another mother‘, Bajram Fetai. He played and won a game of ‘spin the bottle’, earning the the right to smooch the show’s pretty presenter, Lisbeth Ostergaard. This bodes well for our drinking habits and seduction rituals.

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