'The Sizzle Query' Category

The Sizzle Query: Javier Pastore, Paris Saint Germain

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Neatly trimmed beard and cheeky quiff? Deeply disturbing, apparently. Image: REUTERS/Jean-Philippe Arles/Daylife.

This might not seem like a particularly big deal, but Javier Pastore’s habit of veering between visually appealing hair arrangements and sartorially challenging amateur topiary is upsetting some of of our staffers.

This latest offering (above) has had one of them quivering under her desk for almost a day now. She won’t even come out for Jelly Tots, which is very peculiar.

Help us, Kickettes. Is she justified in her fear and loathing of over groomed facial fuzz? Or should we just fill the office with posters of George Michael and hope she gets over it?

The Sizzle Query: Is ‘Sinister’ Seductive?

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Artur Boruc. Mad, hot man. Image via dirtytackle.

Jose Mourinho. Roy Keane. Artur Boruc. Eric Cantona. Genaro Gattuso. Joey Barton.

We all know that despite occasional lapses into normal behaviour, all of the above guys spend more time operating on the outer fringes of the sanity scale than the rest of us. Not just in a ‘momentary lapse of reason’ kind of way, as even the most sensible of us are prone to do given the right provocation, but proper, recurrent outbursts.

The other thing all these men seem to have in common is that in their prime (and sometimes beyond), they’re perceived as pretty darn attractive. Is this coincidence, or something far more sinister?

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Kyle Beckerman: He’s Growing On Us

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Kickette Philosophy Handbook, Rule 4.9b: For every Cristiano Ronaldo there must be a Kyle Beckerman. Images: Getty Images North America/Zimbio.

The captain of MLS side Real Salt Lake is a wild n’ woolly type with what appears to be an aversion to bathing and hair products. He also seems to scare the crap out of small children and it looks unlikely that he spends all his money on shiny, expensive things.

On paper, the kind of dude we would give someone else’s cellphone number to, if he were ask.

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In The Stands Style Off: Sebastian Coates vs. Steven Gerrard

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Image Credit: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images Europe.

Liverpool’s newest signing, Sebastian Coates, popped a mischievous squat some seats down from his club’s captain during Saturday’s Liverpool vs. Bolton match, and even though we’re pretty sure the answer to this question is overwhelmingly obvious, we’ve gotta give the newbie a shot and ask it anyway.

Kickettes, who do you think ‘suited’ up better for the 3-1 occasion at Anfield? Does Stevie’s apparent inability to deal with a tie diminish your flames of passion, or is his beauty and sex-appeal unassailable, even by a polo-shirt wearing purveyor of the pretty like Seb?

Either way, we figure it won’t be a problem. If Mr Coates has any wits about him then he’ll be an early adopter of EPL policies. That being the only other way to avoid further intra-squad battles is shirt removal. On the field, at Tesco and so forth.

The Sizzle Query: Bite The Booty Or Bottom Lip?

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Hmm. Feeling at all peckish, Kickettes? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

We realise that making a choice between two different, but equally desirable things is very difficult. Our credit card bills reflect this on a monthly basis. But sometimes life can be cruel. Sometimes a decision just has to be made.

Which is why we’re going to make you do it.

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