'The Sizzle Query' Category

Would You: Adil Rami, Lille

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Images: Google, FFF.fr.

We were hoping to present our written case to you today on Adil Rami’s behalf, but words have a funny way of evading us when we least expect it. Therefore, this will be a quickie (in our dreams).

Sticking to the absolute need-to-know details, this 25-year-old Frenchie from Moroccan descent stands at a massively tall 6’3. Furthermore, his tongue has a life of its own and his mascot suit comes in a close second only to those of Arsenal’s adorkables. Humour and hotness all rolled into one buff and brawny Frenchman? It sounds too good to be true, don’t it?

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The Sizzle Query: Men In Make-Up

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sport make up soccer players

Guyliner: what’s your take on Adrian Mutu’s inner-eye rim job?

We might encourage the impression that we’re hardened harridans who, when not falling-over-drunk, can usually be  found criticising some poor individual’s dress sense, but we are actually quite tolerant. Quite frankly, we don’t care whether you’re male or female, play for Real Madrid or Rotherham United, as long as you rock an individual style and look sexy while doing it, we don’t give a crap.

See, not as shallow as you thought, huh?

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The Sizzle Query: Atsuto Uchida, Schalke 04

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He’s spotted a soldier-girl in the press conference. She’s got scissors. Images: Getty Images/AP Photo/Daylife

A little post-Champions League perving for you on this fine Friday afternoon, Kickettes. Please join us.

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The Sizzle Query: Phone Tapping & Other Fantasies

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As arbiters of gossip, it offends our sensibilities to be excluded from any grapevine, regardless of our connection to the subject matter. Several of our staff’s restraining orders involve stalker-ish type activities, including but not limited to, going through people’s bins, hiding in hedges in order to frog leap at unsuspecting ‘baller-type gentlemen and a variety of shameful acts we like to call our ‘interview process’.

As our CVs illustrate, we’re rather well-versed in the gossip game.

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The Sizzle Query: Mesut Özil’s Ab Agitation

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Uh huh. The Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute confirms abs on the radar. Images via unamadridista & Getty Images.

‘Member the scandal involving Mesut Özil and his nummy little tumkin that our hardened hacks uncovered recently? Aside from the weight gain mafia/fasting debate we unintentionally kicked off, we learned that you were rather taken with Mesut’s pouch.

As were we.

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