'The Sizzle Query' Category

Night Out: Arsenal at Boujis



The Gunners were out in full force at Boujis this weekend celebrating their 3-0 Emirates cup win over the Rangers. Well done, boys.

As you can see, they brought their denims and matching trainers out for a little flexing in Londontown. As you can also see, the denim choices weren’t always successful.

We give you: Cesc Fabregas, Gael Clichy, Nicklas Bendtner and Andrei Arshavin. Who gets your vote for the best / worst of the eve?

We give all the points to Nicky B: he kept his jeans on, for a start, and was spotted chatting up a blonde in a bustier all night. Good job, NB!

Full size pics below for your perusal.


Hair Wars: Battle of the Blondes



It’s a player peroxide fiesta of late, Kickettes.  Not sure if the summer heat has literally gone to everyone’s heads or what, but let’s investigate:

Alan Smith has returned to his former bottle blonde bleached-out avec roots look after a brief dabble in au naturel;

John Arne Riise has gone from ginger to strawberry blond to just plain blonde. We say home hair kit; and

Philippe Mexes decided to edit the blonde. The piggies are gone. Removed suddenly from our lives, like a bottle (or two) of wine on a weekday evening. Instead, there is some sort of textured, road-surface texture situation going on. Plus a quiff-hawk.

Who gets your vote for the best/worst of the bunch? Bigger pics below.


New Signing Sexy: Moya v Vermaelen



It’s a battle of the sun-tanned v the sun-screened today, dear readers.

Whilst many of you may like your vacationing football players gelled and perma-tanned to a lovely hue of caramel, others certainly have a preference for their off-season boys to maintain a fresh-faced, pale tone via an IV of SPF.

For your viewing and voting pleasure we bring you two recent rather attractive new signings. Miguel Angel Moya, who just signed with Valencia, and Thomas Vermaelen, the NKOTB at Arsenal. It’s a battle of bronze v flaxen. Caramel cutie v coffin-hot. Which will you choose? Full details below.

Miguel Angel Moya, Valencia
Originally from Spain, this 25-year-old keeper is a naturally-gifted smooth operator who sits at a nice shade of semi-gloss from May through August. Granted, Moya probably doesn’t require a high cook time in the sun to maintain his tan which allows for more time to cavort around the beach/yacht and hit the high-street shops with his vacay partner(s).  He also offers a typically hair-free body canvas that’s easy to apply tanning oil to. This is the one to choose if you like your men on an even 14K gold shade year-round.

See also: Paolo Maldini, Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Ramos


Thomas Vermaelen, Arsenal
Arsenal’s newest import from Belgium is a 23-year-old defending mix of pink collagen-enhanced-ish lips and Euro-Icy baby blues. Sure, his fair skin may look all “Fragile: Handle With Care” and also, well, transparent, but imagine the fun you could have slathering on some protective aloe and/or body butter after a day out under the beach umbrella/dungeon. Another plus in choosing a guy like Vermaelen? He’s virtually guaranteed a naturally wrinkle-free face later in life.

See also: Peter Crouch, Philippe Senderos, Fernando Torres, Iniesta


Sportswear Style Off: Red v Gold



Who’s got the best city-chic sportswear:

Thierry Henry in NYC or El-Hadji Diouf in Manchester?

We kind of love the OTT fabulocity of Diouf’s gold trainers, but think Thierry’s got the skater-boi look down to perfection.

Roque Santa Cruz: Should We Worry?



Worry about what, you ask?

Well, let’s start with Roque’s finger wave.

We’re all for retro hair-dos, but we prefer such looks on females. In films. Or at retro fancy dress parties. Or on female mannequins in fancy dress costume shops.

And yeah, the fabric on the shirt should have been left at the polyester yarn factory from whence it came. We’d also prefer a little less necklace action. In fact, we quite prefer Roque with nothing on his upper half whatsoever.

Why are the members of our Finest Five list trying our patience so? Roque and his Let’s Jam gel waves. Iker and his constant sniffies. Xabi and that damn beard. [Edited to add] Cesc’s faux-hawk avec Nasri highlights. (We had a mental block on that one.)

We love them. And yet, they just want to break our hearts.