'The Sizzle Query' Category

Roque Santa Cruz: Should We Worry?

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Worry about what, you ask?

Well, let’s start with Roque’s finger wave.

We’re all for retro hair-dos, but we prefer such looks on females. In films. Or at retro fancy dress parties. Or on female mannequins in fancy dress costume shops.

And yeah, the fabric on the shirt should have been left at the polyester yarn factory from whence it came. We’d also prefer a little less necklace action. In fact, we quite prefer Roque with nothing on his upper half whatsoever.

Why are the members of our Finest Five list trying our patience so? Roque and his Let’s Jam gel waves. Iker and his constant sniffies. Xabi and that damn beard. [Edited to add] Cesc’s faux-hawk avec Nasri highlights. (We had a mental block on that one.)

We love them. And yet, they just want to break our hearts.

Italian NT: Giraffe v Lion

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The Italian National Team took a break from the Confederations Cup action to visit The Lion Park in Randburg, South Africa. 

Question: Which hot man avec random wild animal floats gets your “aww” factor going?

Fabio Cannavaro and a giraffe; or

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Image via AP Photo

Gianluca Zambrotta and a lion cub?

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Image via AP Photo

Oh, who are we kidding: Fabio Cannavaro wins at everything. We know it. You know it. Animals on the savannah know it. That lion cub is about to walk right over Zambro to get to the sweet gooey insides of Fabio.

Style Off: Samir Nasri v Jamie Carragher

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Who works the dark denim with v-neck jumper and trainers look better:

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Arsenal’s Samir Nasri, seen exiting Sketch bar after the joint end of season/Manuel Almunia birthday shindig?

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Or Jamie Carragher, out on the streets near his Cafe Sports Bar, where Liverpool toasted their season?

Champions League Semis: Under Construction

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Let’s hope today’s Arsenal/Manchester United game is a little bit more exciting than the Barcelona/Chelsea nil-nil result last night. 

Perhaps we’ve been spoiled by the recent goal orgies and expected more back of the net action.

While watching, we kept ourselves amused by twitter polling the Kickette army about how to construct the perfect man from different parts of the players at Camp Nou. 

(Our suggestions? Victor Valdes’s face, Thierry Henry’s money, Frank Lampard’s thighs, Florent Malouda’s cheekbones, John Terry’s short-tent, Bojan Krkic’s tongue.)

Yeah, it sort of went a little PG 13, but such is life. 

imageSo, onto today. Let’s take some time out to construct another fantasy man from the line ups. Objectifying professional players and reducing them to body parts is quite calming, and we believe, anti-aging. 

We’re going to start with Dimitar Berbatov’s eyes, Cesc Fabregas’s stubble, Cristiano Ronaldo’s six pack, Theo Walcott’s newly expanded chest and Samir Nasri’s hair.

Just kidding on that last one.

Alternatively, we could just declare Patrice Evra the perfect man already and call it a day.

 

Style Off: Joe Cole v Wes Brown

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Who wears the demin with white trainers look better, Kickettes?

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Chelsea’s Joe Cole, having a chat on his mobile on the Kings Road in London; or

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Manchester United’s Wes Brown, taking a stroll in Manchester city centre?