'The Sizzle Query' Category

Wojciech Szczesny: Shorty Get Loose

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Arsenal are currently touring and hot tubbing in Asia for preseason. Image: AP Photo/Lai Seng Sin.

Putting a query from Goal.com’s Shane Evans to our people, Kickettes, should we do a daily posting on players stretching in awkward, hot or intriguing positions?

For reference, evidence of what we can turn up with include this, this and Dimitar Berbatov on his back.

2012 MLS All-Star Hottie Poll: Stu Holden Weighs In

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The quest to determine the hottest ‘baller not named Beckham in the MLS is a long and treacherous one, filled with much analysis of thunder thighs, large wage packets and appropriate hair gel usage. Our honourable journey has caused a massive debate amongst our devotees, and now even the players want in.

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Let’s Play: Sell, Sign, Seduce

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english goalkeeper fair blond hot

We’re fans of fantasy, make believe, the occasional slashy lit, and although we’ve done this sort of sizzle query many times over, why not put a Barbara Berlusconi-type spin on things for kicks?

Side note: see what the lull between competitive NT football and domestic season football does to us? We’re reduced to invalids whose limbs go numb every time we’re forced to type words and formulate original thoughts.

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Olivier Giroud: Has No Naked Shame

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UPDATE 1: These pics are old, as @SianMacalarny pointed out to us. Whatever. They’re still glorious. UPDATE 2: These pics crashed our servers (so maybe they’re new to others as well), but we’re good as gold now. If problems persist for you, drop us a line.

Your eyes are about to become the widest they’ve ever been, Kickettes. That bum in the background right there? Belongs to one of our finest five members, Olivier Giroud.

Beware: really, wowser-y, X-rated photos are safely tucked away in this photo gallery if you’re so inclined.

Also: this explicit video (on a NSFW site) of the new Arsenal footballer (hubba hubba oh right!) is like a thousand Christmas mornings.

Yoann must be so jelly right now while Mario Gotze and Michael Dawson, relieved.

2012 MLS All-Star: Who’s The Hottest Of Them All?

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Image: FootballFashion.org. Big thnx to @Will_Kuhns for all his help!

Beckham aside (‘cos that’d be just too easy), who’s the best-looking MLS All-Star player? Is it classic Californian Dan Kennedy, wavy-haired Graham Zusi, steel-jawed Jay DeMerit, ab-tastic Heath Pearce, 2010 Cosmo bachelor Chris Pontius, bizarre fashion advisor Aurélien Collin or the perpetually-stylish Thierry Henry?

Rather than use our usual lengthy algorithms that take pitch prowess, chin dimples and astrology into consideration, we’ve gone old school and simply created a photo gallery of players who we believe will truly make this year’s All Star game a more beautiful thing.

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