'The Sizzle Query' Category

The Sizzle Query: Bawling Ballers

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Last night, the lush Cesc Fabregas scored a great goal in Arsenal’s winning Champions League game against AC Milan.  But is this news?

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Well, short of him growing a handlebar moustache and/or losing all his money, we’re extremely interested in anything sexy Cesc does, so we vote yes.  But his killer skill set aside, what really made the magic happen for us was seeing Cesc get a little emotional after the goal. 

Can anyone explain why the sight of a baller crying on the pitch is sizzle rather than sad?  Please, be aware: we’re not advocating that men immediately get in touch with their Oprah side and invest in numerous boxes of man-sized tissues because God knows that would annoy us beyond repair.  We like our men manly (ish) and emotionally in control, please and thank you.

Do you share our love of the footballing tearful and thighful, or are you embarrassed for them, their fans and their family when they lose it in a match?

The Sizzle Query: The Keepers

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Here at Kickette HQ, we have quite a soft spot for goal keepers – the solitary men of strength alone with their thoughts and thunder thighs at the end of the pitch, always slightly bordering on crazy due to the isolation, pressure, and taunting, their every-ready highly-coordinated gloved hands – it’s a set of traits that we can get on board with.

So, after our recent discovery of Mr. Steele, we have decided to embark on a serious and in depth reflection period to consider the hot keepers amongst us.  It seems to be a position that the sizzlers gravitate towards, yes? Perhaps one day science will determine why.

Our top ball blocker choice is fairly obvious. We nub Iker Casillas more than words/restraining orders can say.  But for the sake of full research, do inform.  Who gets your vote as the hottest keeper?

The Sizzle Query: Ginger-Minger or Ginger-Ninja?

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Reading’s Dave Kitson, Man U’s Wes Brown, Chelsea’s Steve Sidwell and the man who put the ‘G’ in Ginger, Paul Scholes. These are just a few footie boys that have been blessed/cursed with locks of flaming fire with a side of tangerine.

For some reason, the legacy of red hair is looked upon in the UK as a terrible, terrible follicular crime and ginger-haired blokes are treated/mocked accordingly.

Personally, we couldn’t care less, and think the lighter, strawberry blonde look can be rather fetching, even if we can’t actually name anyone just now who has that look and falls into the sizzle category. But let’s not get caught up on details.

imageOur biggest issue with the G-look is the mayonnaise legs that tend to accompany.  But otherwise, we’re good…ish.  We tend to discriminate more with body types, ie those who only have four abs of steel will be placed on a lower scale than those who can provide an eight-pack, and so on.

If Dave Kitson had brown hair, would you find him a hottie? Is he a near-hottie now?  We think Wes B has quite decent sizzle potential, with nary a pasty leg to be found. Liverpool’s John Arne Riise loves to take his shirt off on a regular basis and has some serious stamina on the pitch – that counts for something, surely?  Or… Not.

Please do tell, Kickettes – share your gingerific opinions on the matter. Off limits, in small doses or can’t get enough?

The Sizzle Query: Tattoos & Ballers

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After you have returned from your personal bronzed and buffed David Beckham fantasy (he’s currently in Brazil opening a football school or something, we can’t be arsed to check as we need to continue staring at this picture and sipping our Piña Colada), take a moment to consider David’s new ink. (Left arm).

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image: polfoto

Freddie Ljungberg, Fabio Cannavaro, Christian Vieri, Fernando Torres, Marco Materazzi – the list of hotties with tatts is endless. That said, the list of design disasters and bad ink is also long and uncute. We know our readers love ballers with a bit of rough just as much as those with designer chic and/or moisturizer, so we’re curious to hear the stance of the Kickette crew on boy-tattoos. Yes or no?

We think David Beckham’s tattoos are quite sexy – except for that nasty ass one on the back of his neck which is best suited for those about to smash a pint glass over someone’s head in the Queen Vic – but dude, you’re running out of skin. At what point do you call time on the ink? We would suggest now.

UPDATE: David’s new tattoo includes a half-naked Victoria Beckham drawing. Er, what?

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The Sizzle Query: Ugly-Hot Ballers

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After the lively discussion that started last week with the news that Wayne Rooney was crowned ugliest baller (and no, we don’t agree either), we’ve been thinking about the compelling category of sizzle known as “ugly-hot”. 

Don’t act like you don’t know. 

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Okay, for those still acting, think of it this way – someone is ugly-hot if:
1. You’d totally hit it;  2. You’d be embarrassed if your friends found out or you had to show up at a family function with them; and 3. You’d still hit it even if your friends found out and publicly scorned you.

imageWe’ve frequently suffered the wrath of our loyal readership by stating our attraction to Dijibril Cisse. It’s not easy standing alone on that bandwagon, but at least we have the guts to put it out there. 

And to carry on with the full-disclosure policy we seem to be suddenly adopting, we also admit to having a bit of a thing for Gigsy, Sheva (although we get scared senseless by his “look at my link” crazy-eye instruction on the Chelsea site) and Didier Drogba. 

Roy Keane also qualifies for this category, as he’s not pretty-boy good-looking but he sure has that ‘ugly-hot but I’m gonna put it on you’ booty vibe.

Perhaps ugly-hot is too strong a word… our picks are more non-hots that are hot.  Whew, this is a level of analysis the universe may not be ready for.

In any case, rather than judge, please fill us in. Who gets your vote for the hottest ugly-hot baller?