Kickette.com – Soccer/football gossip, hot players, WAGs that love them

The TTO: Paolo Maldini v Javier Zanetti

Another week, another round of quadtastic action for your judging pleasure.

We’re heading over to Italy for some Serie A appreciation. Won’t you join us?

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This week’s TTO is brought to you by ONTD Football.

Good afternoon, studious and diligent pupils of Thigh. Today, we’re going to wax lyrical about rituals and sustenance.

Human beings are creatures of habit. As we boldly stride through life, we develop our own daily rituals and routines. Eg, some people like to enjoy a cup of coffee first thing, some have their man-servants take them straight to the shower for cleansing and diamond-polish buffing. But we, dear followers, we need thigh.

Thighs are like meals: best consumed in small portions, several times a day. This method of thigh-intake helps to ward off disease, fatigue, depression, and the 3 p.m. brick wall. Studies show the importance of a balanced diet consisting of quad, hamstring, and adductor. Trust us.

On today’s menu, we’re delighted to feature two exquisite Italian Serie A dishies, Paolo Mmm-mmm-Maldini and I’ll-have-the-Javier Zanetti.  Sometimes the pun just writes itself, really.

Tee hee, Milanese rivalry.

Paolo Maldini

Maldini, even at age three hundred and fifty-seven, is still sending people with hormones all around the world into fits of, um, [content not suitable for children.] He’s AC Milan’s dreamiest defender, and also the most-capped player for the Italian national gang o’ hunks. Ed note: he’s also a former TTO winner.

Javier Zanetti

Zanetti, at a considerably more sprightly two hundred and three, thighs about for Inter Milan. He’s also captain of the Argentine team, so you know, we suppose he’s quite good at what he does.

We firmly believe that these mealtime thighs are a divine gift from Iker.  They’re like toast. Look closely at that leg – can’t you see an image of the Virgin Bojan?

Who gets your vote this week?

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Well done to last week’s winner, Mario Gomez, who barely beat out Thierry Henry in a closely fought battle.  Nice job, MG! Thierry, stay strong.

The TTO: Mario Gomez v Thierry Henry

Hello again, lovely leg-lubbers, and welcome to another session of the Thursday Thigh Off.

First timers, make yourselves comfortable and feel free to grab refreshments – we’ve got Thigh-ve Alive Citrus Blend!

There’s no doubt that, for many of you, this time of year is a hard one. You wake up to frost on the grass. You reluctantly fish your bearskin parka out of the closet. You sleep wearing scratchy wool socks that hide your perfect pedicure. Random peasants sneeze on you while you are in commute.

We’re here to help. We find that good moisturizers and heavy doses of pun (accompanied by frequent friskings of footie flesh) are KEY.

Today we plan on worshiping at the Church of Thighentology. Won’t you join us?  Click through and let’s cleanse those thightans!

In the blue corner, we have ONTD Football’s newest sigh-inducer, Mario “Best of Both Worlds” Gómez. Surprisingly, he was not fathered by Crispin Glover. Born to a Spanish padre and a German mutter just twenty-three years ago, Mario is, well, as the nickname suggests.

Question: What does Spanish plus German equal, anyway? Sperman?

A striker for the German national team and for VfB Stuttgart, Mario has a high goal-scoring ratio and has ma- Oh. Oh, sorry. We’ll get back on topic now. These are primo thighs, people, the stuff of fantasies.

In the red corner, Thierry Henry.

Thigherry Henry would be way too easy, wouldn’t it?

Around our neck of the woods, we call him Titty. You know his story. ‘ee eez Fransh, he is the undisputed King of Incredible Baby Photos, and he’s an ex-Gunner/current Barça man. Tall. Long legs. Nice thighs. Very nice.

Believe it or not, we actually have a lot in common with Monsieur Titty:
We both really, really like fondling barely legal Bojan Krkic; We both love a good Gigi snog and; Yes, duh, we both love sending the Bulge-Watch Radar into a frenzy.

Happy voting. Good luck!
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Congratulations to last week’s winner, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Lord knows, he needs an ego boost. Congrats Big Z!

The TTO is brought to you by the lovelettes at ONTD Football.

The TTO: Zlatan Ibrahimovic v Nicklas Bendtner

Another week, another battle of the physically superior. You know you want in.

Click through to examine the evidence for this week’s competition.

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The TTO is brought to you by the lush baller beauty experts at ONTD Football.

The human body is truly a beautiful thing. Indeed, the thigh, a perfect and magnificent gift from Iker to mankind, has been a long-running muse to society.

It has inspired our most popular films (Thightanic, 1997; Thigh Fidelity, 2000) and our favourite songs (Thigh of the Tiger, 1982; I Believe I Can Thigh, 1996). Even Shakespeare wrote that one play, cherished by literature buffs and chavs alike, Romeo and Thigh.

But this week, dear readers, these mighty baller legs of glory instill in us something different: These thighs inspire shock, speechlessness, and a distressing loss of motor skill; These thighs inspire a minor existential crisis…

Who are we? What was life before the thigh? We’ll let the thighs do the talking, because we’ve forgotten how to and have been reduced to bad pun and general flailing.

eg: What’s 2 + 2?
Answer: Thigh. Thigh thigh thigh.

Now onto the lads.

Do you know Zlatan?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic: Swedish national. Inter Milan. Tall. Nose of character. Known to speak in third person about himself.

Bend It Like Bendtner

Niklas Bendtner: Danish. Probably a viking. Hangs around at Arsenal. Roughly twelve years-old. As one of our members remarked, “He’s got thighs the size of me!“

images via Reuters, PA Wire

Who gets your vote for the King of Quads this week, Kickettes?

Congratulations to last week’s winner, Bojan Krkic, who beat Raul Albiol by a sinew.  Congrats, baby Bojan!

The TTO: Raúl Albiol v Bojan Krkić

The Thursday Thigh Off is back, Kickettes.

And there’s more. Our favourite motley crew of sexy tarts over at ONTD Football have taken on thigh-watch duties for us, and as a result, it’s going to get pretty quadly in here over the next few weeks.

Not familiar with the fabu ONTD? Imagine Kickette, but with twice the Nereida-hate and triple the chaos. Also, the TTO promises to be 15% more reliable in actually appearing every Thursday now they’re involved. We like those odds.

Right, let’s get to the thighs, shall we? Click through for all that is good and well-developed.

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Vintage TTO: Kenny Sansom v Cyrille Regis

We’re taking it old school for the Thursday Thigh Off, Kickettes.

images courtesy of PA Wire/KEYSTONE Press

Why? We were starting to become a tad disillusioned in the search for hot, present day thigh action every week: the base layers, socks pulled up too high, shorts getting longer and longer every season -  enough is enough, damn it.

So humour us as we head back to a happier time on the pitch, when shorts were like hot pants, and men were men, playing without the need to be warm and/or compress their organs or whatever the hell it is base layers are supposed to be doing.

Click through for more info, pics and to place your vote.

Back in the day, left-back Kenny Sansom flexed his formidable muscle groups for a host of teams including Arsenal, QPR and Crystal Palace.

He also racked up 86 caps playing for England and apparently was a rather dapper, on-the-scene South Londoner. No, really.

Kenny was nicknamed “Mr Chablis” for his love of wine and was a regular at Stringfellows.  He’s now part of the “Legends Tour” at Arsenal’s Emirates stadium and works for LBC radio.

“Smokin Joe” Cyrille Regis was in the game professionally for 19 years. He played up front for Coventry, Wolves and Aston Villa, but is best known for his time at West Bromich Albion (he was named as the club’s all time Cult Hero by the BBC). 

Hard (and sad) to believe, but when Cyrille was on the pitch, there were very few black players in the English game and he was seen as a bit of a trail blazer. 

Cyrille’s now a football agent, has an MBE, is actively involved in charity work. He also has his own website, and is still quite fetching.

Side Note: Try not to be freaked out by the black and white photos, Kickettes. We promise to return to the youthful thighs of 2008 next week.

Who gets your vote?

thanks for the idea, Heidi!

The TTO: Roque Santa Cruz v Mikel Arteta

TGIT, Kickettes.

We’re dealing in loveliness for this Thursday Thigh Off. Let’s get straight to this week’s action between Roque and Mikel. Click through below for the breakdown and photo evidence.

images via ZUMA/KEYSTONE Press, Reuters

First we have Roque Santa Cruz. As you can see, Mr. Santa Cruz is tall, tanned and toned, and in possession of the coolest name in the EPL.

Wait, did we mention that he’s tall? Yes? Good. He’s also toned.  RSC plays upfront for Blackburn and is married with two children, Tobias and Fiorella. Please, save the DILF quips, it only cheapens his hotness.

Not to be outdone, Mikel Arteta also has some well honed skills both on the pitch and extending from his shorts.  Isn’t he quadly? 

Mikel is a 26-year-old Spanish midfielder who plays for Everton. He’s also close friends and neighbours with Xabi Alonso, which ups his hotness by at least 52%.

Who do you think should be crowned king this week?  Vote below (and yes, our comments are still acting up so vote wherever works for you).
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Congratulations to last week’s TTO victor, Alan Smith, who won a hard fought battle with Rio Ferdinand. Rio, not that we need remind you, but your thighs are most good and worthy. Don’t let this loss affect your self worth or mental strength.

The TTO: Rio Ferdinand v Alan Smith

We’re pitting two of our favourite footie “bad boys” against each other in this week’s Thursday Thigh Off.

Both Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United) and Newcastle’s Alan Smith tend to inspire rather extreme reactions of love / hate from our readers, so let’s see whose thighs can come up trumps this week.  Remember: judge only the thighs, lest ye be cat-scratched in the comments section for unnecessary thighcism.

Make your case for the better legs in the comments section; may the best quads win.

images via EXPRESS UK/ZUMA/KEYSTONE Press, Reuters

Congrats to last week’s winner, Alex Pato who beat out Nemanja Vidic for the victory.  Never fear, Vida, there are many (many) Kickettes who would be happy to nurse your ego back to health.  At least twice.

The TTO: Nemanja Vidic v Alexandre Pato

Welcome to another Thursday* Thigh-Off, Kickettes.  Hope you enjoy the competition between two stellar competitors this week.

Click through for the deets.

Coming up first, it’s Manchester United’s Nemanja Vidic.  He is of strong and mighty-thighed Serbian stock and he has a seriously hot girlfriend.  All good and admirable qualities indeed.

However, his competition comes via the Brazilian talent-machine that is Alex Pato, a striker who plays for AC Milan. He may be young (just eighteen), but he is most certainly worthy. 

It’s the battle of the dirty-hot versus brace-face hot.  Who gets your vote?

Congrats and air-kisses to Niko Krancjar, who beat out the lush Florent Malouda by several impressive strides in last week’s draw.  Don’t worry, FM, we’re available for thigh-therapy and so forth.

* We have issues with schedules.