No cheating, Kickettes!

The Swiss Super League, you say? Well, yes. This could certainly persuade us to spend more time with our friends in Switzerland. Image: REUTERS/Romina Amato.

David Ramos/Getty Images Europe.

The angry eyebrow is a nice turn-on touch by Victor. Image: Enrico Locci/Getty Images Europe.

Images: Hola magazine.

As we depart for the local pub, we’ll leave you with this: four behind the scene shots of David Beckham filming his H&M underwear advert for the Super Bowl next month.

TTYL, Kickettes!

Image Credit: Rangers.co.uk.

A 3-2 home to defeat to their bitter rivals might’ve been bad news for City players and fans, but it was brilliant fodder for our nefarious, non-partisan purposes. Image: Alex Livesey/Getty Images.

Alan Connell celebrates his goal in Swindon Town’s 2-1 win over Wigan Athletic with a gentle smooch of team mate Paul Caddis. How nice. Image: Scott Heavey/Getty Images Europe.

If you haven’t been paying much attention to our editorial guidelines, we tend to wade in the lower league pools of English football pretty during cup competitions only. Previously it was our belief that nobody ever took photos of lower league-rs kissing each other’s faces, extending their thighs and the likes, but judging from the amount of images we found without even really trying, this theory clearly has some holes in it.

So because it seems we’re naturally more enthralled by the glamour, tans and irresponsible expenditures of the elite players, our plan today is to typecast a plethora of entities from these oft-forgotten tiers and eye-undress them according to the demands of their newly-acquired profiles.

Confused? We are too. But if you let your minds wander with us this way, you’ll soon see what we mean.

The Cute n’ Gonky Goalkeeper

Image: Richard Heathcote/Getty Images.

Iker Casillas, Joe Hart and Anders Lindegaard all have their fair share of followers on this site. And they’re all very, very rich. Jonathan Bond of Watford arguably bears the same appealing characteristics, but on a Tuesday night he’s more likely to be found sheltering between the sticks in Middlesbrough than anywhere near a Champions League fixture. Still hot?

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The Thigh-Off Challenger

Image: Shaun Botterill/Getty Images.

A smooth, muscular, nummy thigh is a smooth, muscular, nummy thigh, isn’t it? Well, isn’t it? Rudi Gestede of Cardiff City made a decent case this weekend.

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The Base Layer Botherer

Image: Paul Gilham/Getty Images.

We know it’s wrong, but we’re just not as rueful at missing out on a potential glimpse of Portsmouth’s Marko Futacs’ undercarriage than we are when something like this happens. We’re interested, of course. Just not wailing and gnashing our teeth at what could have been.

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The Battler With A Bulge

Image: Chris Brunskill/Getty Images.

Further evidence, if it were needed, that blue is indeed the colour if you want to advertise your wares during a game.

Does a short tent need to be pitched in West London for you to fully appreciate it’s dimensions, or are the facilities (ably modelled here by Jonathan Bateson) in Macclesfield just as appealing?

New Kickette Footy League Rule: A minimum of three players per squad shall be required to change into a fresh pair of shorts mid-match. Image: Mundo Deportivo.

It’s only fair we celebrate this man’s six-pack before it disappears to China, Russia, or wherever the hell else it’s planning on taking it’s toned self to. Image: Ian Walton/Getty Images.