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We see your Twitter assertions that he is not hot because he has a pudgy face and manky hair, and raise you this.
What more does the man need to do to win your affection besides balance wine cleverly disguised as coffee in a cup on his head?

No one loves liquid lunches, dinners and midnight snacks more than us, Kickettes. But three straight days of ‘em finally did us in during last night’s Ukraine vs Sweden game, which means that sadly, we don’t have a recap or gallery stuffed with hi-res Ibra hair photos for you to gloss through.
Take Sheva’s torso and inner thighs as a doubly pleasurable consolation prize and don’t write our Mums telling them what a crap job they did raising us, please?

This photo of MJ reminded us to stop procrastinating over the fortnight worth of dry cleaning we have to do. Image: Cosmopolitan Magazine UK Edition.
Speaking to Cosmo (in support of the Everyman campaign) about his and his fellow footballers’ habits and reputations, the Wolves and England midfielder had this to say:
“Footballers have a reputation for being vain but that’s because they have to be as confident as possible to go out and perform on match day.”
“Everyone takes care of themselves nowadays. There’s always people doing their hair, putting some moisturiser and all sorts! I have to say I’m quite into my products myself [laughs]…I now moisturise daily.”
See that look on Matt’s face – as if he and his box of WOW! can no longer keep their undying lust for us under wraps (and a secret from his wife)?
Well it’s that, or because, without knowing why, he’s dreaming of HobNobs.

We’ve been struggling to last minute plan for our annual birthday festivities (we’re turning six – 6! – in July), Kickettes. How should we celebrate our wrinkles? Slumber party with all of our readers at the Dorchester, hosted by 500 Iker looky-likeys?
Ideas on a postcard, merci.
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