'United States' Category

Good Week/Bad Week: It Ain’t Over ‘Til There’s Odour


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Hmm. Old Spice commercials are becoming rather popular at the mo, aren’t they? Here’s Is Chivas USA midfielder Michael Lahoud having his turn. First spotted by our mates over at KCKRS.

Warning. This post contains references to malodorous marriage proposals, farcical fishing frolics and an alarming amount of alliteration.

Nothing new there, then.


Baller Bylines: Javier Hernandez & Tim Howard


Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Javier ‘Cheech’ Hernandez: Tim, you must help me. I know it’s an inappropriate moment but ever since I saw you on Kickette, all naked and manly, I’ve been desperate to speak with you.

Tim Howard: Er… really?

Cheech: Desperate. Those abs, those muscles, that sprinkling of dirty water contrasting with your skin. I have a cut out of it in my bedroom. I talk to it every night before I go to sleep.

Howard: Um…


Birthday Greetings: Stuart Holden Turns 26


One of our favourite USMNT hotties is a year older today, and we need all Kickettes to put your thinking caps on as we hastily rearrange our originally planned birthday celebrations for Bolton Wanderers ‘baller of the year.

Although Holden’s been out of action due to injury since March, as he informs us on Twitter, he’s just resumed training on grass today. Hurrah! A Premier League season without his elfin ruggedness and to-die-for hybrid Scottish/Texan accent wouldn’t be the same.

As is usually the case, we wanted to deliver his birthday pastries and tickles in person, but due to the cake shop’s errors as well as our own, we were prevented from doing so. So silly, these restraining order things.

In any event, because of today’s earlier snafus, the hell-raising half of our headquarters has been fixated on picking alternative birthday gifts. Other ideas include cowboy hats, birds, skinny ties, and sweets.

Dear readers, as you join us in wishing Mr Holden the happiest of birthdays, be sure to disclose which aforementioned not-as-good-but-it’ll-have-to-do option you prefer. Remember: we need to avoid arrest while still freely loving Stu, jorts and all.

Images via facebook.com/stuholden22.


Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet



- A few hotties from Hanover 96 spent their day of rest stroking some sea lions at the zoo. Wild animals and footballers – they get us every time.

- Newly-appointed USMNT manager, Jürgen Klinsmann, has actually made it in America once before. Who knew and why didn’t they share sooner?

- Juan Pablo Angel’s son showed off some serious skills, prompting us to revisit our Kickette FC venture capitalist proposal for funding in order to sign him, James Owen and Kai Rooney up ASAP.


Off The Market: Servando Carrasco & Alex Morgan Are Dating


Image Source. Cheers tinaanna17.

Here’s a pure football pairing we wholeheartedly support: Seattle Sounders midfielder, Servando Carrasco, and USWNT player, Alex Morgan, are dating. For the past 3.5 years, actually!