Marco Borriello can barely contain his excitement. Philippe Mexes’ missed-our-list consolation prize is the latest pout-plumping lipgloss from Boots.
You lot might be thrilled and excited about today’s reveal of the new Kickette F5 list, but we can assure you that our comments moderator is not. It’s taken us several weeks to rescue her from beneath the mountain of mail received on the matter and it’s very possible she may not ever recover and/or want to work with us again.
You should take pity on her and send flowers to the Mayhem & Fruit Beverage Suite, where she’s still holed up enjoying her quietly calm surroundings before bearing the brunt of the oncoming opinionated-readers storm.
A picture of a hot, victorious goalkeeper holding a small child would normally be a shoo-in for the lead in a results post. We see no reason to deviate from this policy just because Hope Solo happens to be a woman. Image: ODD ANDERSEN/AFP/Getty Images/Daylife.
Please make your way through the results post with caution. We wouldn’t want you to drift off to your happy place during our coverage of the Copa America, only to spill your morning beverage in your lap when you read the Women’s World Cup reports.
A lapful of coffee is a tough look to pull off, even for an experienced Kickette.
Goalkeepers, be warned. Stay on your line when England’s Ellen White is around. Image: Reuters/Daylife
Right. Before you lot start having panic attacks that we’ve got distracted by a passing cake lorry and forgotten to cover the Copa America again, fear not. Today we shall supply you with not one, but two Midweek Results posts; one covering the Women’s World Cup (this one) and one covering the Copa America (hitting your screens later).
We know. Sometimes our diligence and attention to detail is frightening.
Roque! We missed you, baby! Image: REUTERS/Jorge Adorno/Daylife
For some, Independence Day is an opportunity to contemplate the signing of the Declaration of Independence and it’s implications for citizens of the globe. For Kickette staff, it is an opportunity to not do any work. All day. You might think this is sheer laziness, but actually is requires quite a lot of strategic planning; we have to constantly ensure we are in an area with no wifi, broadband or cell signal, in case our Editor changes her mind and tries to round us up.
You have Weekend Results, featuring the highlights of both the Copa America and the Women’s World Cup. Treasure them. We’re not sure if anything else (apart from empty bottles) will make it out of here today.
Competition for the inaugral ‘Bish, Please’ awards sponsored by Zlatan Ibrahimovic is already underway in the England camp. Image: Reuters/Daylife.
We confess to being quite startled at the huge response our query regarding coverage of the Women’s World Cup received. We must warn you that while we are thrilled to bring you our take on the competition, this is precisely the type of behaviour that tends to upset people who prefer to believe that the Kickette Army’s interest in football extends only as far as the number of naked torsos we can drool over in ninety minutes. Should you encounter any such idiocy, our handy refresher course should prepare you.
Oh. And before we launch into the goings-on in Germany to date, we’d just like to advise those of you expressing concern that we would not be covering the Copa America, that our in-depth analysis will commence on Monday morning. Given our shining track record of covering important events, we’re a bit hurt that you might think we would forget a tournament of the magnitude of the Copa. When do we ever forget anything?