'United States' Category

Hounds Of Love: Charlie Davies & Chris Pontius, DC United

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Image via yfrog

OK, are you looking at a) Pontius’ torso, b) Charlie Davies’ cute, ‘I want to get in on this, but I’m hesitant in case the animal bites me and makes me look a fool’ expression or c) the plastic tubs placed in descending size order in the background?

If  you chose a), then you’re shallow, but in like-minded company. If b), you’re compassionate and caring but unlikely to survive in the Kickette office environment. Those who pick c) are just plain weird and probably like looking at boot porn too.

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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VB fashion soccer WAG babySaturday

- Victoria Beckham got teepeed at her baby shower around the same time as news about her husband and son, Brookyn, walking away unharmed from their LA freeway car crash broke. She’s got her lucky stars to thank for her family’s safety and for Gisele Bündchen wearing one of her dresses.

- Chelsea’s Didier Drogba is set to marry Lalla Diakite – again. Although 33-year-old Chelsea man first wed his Malian sweetheart in a small ceremony nearly a decade ago, it was said to be a small understated affair. Now that Drogba has the cash to splash in the South of France, he’s giving his lady a proper party. No word on if he’s hiring a band or if he’ll be the evening’s only entertainment.

- A pack of pretty ladies from a Brazilian TV show were sent to a Santos’ press conference to distract one of the club’s stars, Neymar.

- US-backing Kickettes, KickStarter (a financial fundraising platform) is calling for your dollars to help produce Rise and Shine: The Jay DeMerit Story.

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Product Shilling Players As Pupils: If Kickette Controlled The Classroom

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Futbolista product promo

Image source: Wire Image. Thx for the story spots, NH & PG!

Calling all students: Kickette class is now in session. Toss your knapsacks under your seats, boys and girls, and pay close attention to today’s lesson on “Publicity Pouting 101″ – featuring the cream of the school clique crop.

Aitor Ocio/Teacher’s Pet

Our kinky-costumed kiss-ass was announced as the new face (and hopefully body?) of a few Schweppes tonics in Madrid last Thursday. He told reporters that he speaks with his ex/baby momma, Laura Sanchez, daily to ensure their daughter Naia – whom he called his ‘greatest triumph’ – grows up to be a happy, normal lady.

Grade: A - . We’re already halfway through our 2011 ‘to-do-us’ list, and his hair is stacked a bit too tall for our plus rating’s liking.

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Tim Howard: Supporting the Everton Ladies

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USMNT goalkeeper Timmy Howark hot

Given the mayhem that ensued when he did this, it’s probably better that Timmy Howard covers up for Everton Ladies celebration of the new FA Women’s Super League. Image of Tim and Everton keeper Rachel Brown via everton fc.

The last time a Kickette staff member attempted to set foot on grass without a safety harness and/or assistant, she suffered an excruciating panic attack due to heel sinkage and had to be resuscitated by a nubile young park keeper who just happened to be standing by. We get allergies, you see.

However, these disabilities do not preclude us from admiring the prowess of female soccer players, who, with their on pitch endeavours not only put our ‘athletic’ inclinations to shame but may have perfected the most ingenious technique of meeting hot ‘ballers yet.

If you just happened to be passing Liverpool County FA HQ yesterday, you would have probably run into the delicious hunk of manmeat that is goalkeeper Tim Howard (top), who was in attendance to celebrate Everton Ladies entry into the newly launched Women’s Super League.

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The Tuesday Torso: Juan Agudelo, USMNT

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One thing we’ll miss from the boredom bash that was last week’s International break: the US Men’s national team. Obvi we’ve been feelin’ on American boys as of late, and J.A.’s torso is a welcome addition to our newly-founded Star Spangled Stomachs Appreciation Club (although next time, Juan, square your shoulders for the camera so we can observe your full abdominal monty). Image: Andy Lyons/Getty Images North America.