Image via ParentDish.co.uk.

Little Harper Beckham did the unthinkable at JFK airport this afternoon on her mum (who handled the well-timed paparazzi invasion like the seasoned pro that she is).

Out of all the cute kids in this familial clique, she’s the one to watch, Kickettes.

Sometimes we have to sit back and think: we’re changing the world with our intellectually challenging, life changing reportage on key events happening around the globe.

Where there’s subtle product shilling and grammatically correct Tweets on social media, you know there’s a shameless publicity stunt just ’round the bend, Kickettes. And for you today we have one of the promo shots starring none other than Mrs Peter Crouch for the launch of Lynx Attract For Her.

You like?  Is it working its advert magic and making you want to buy whatever that thick filming shooting out from Abbey’s can is? Admit it, you want to buy at least 40 bottles, don’t you?

Or has your nose been assaulted by one too many competing WAG smells?

If you do decide to hit Superdrug to snap up this latest scent, please don’t leave home without your finest faux fur hat and snood (bra is optional). It’s cold out there, and we don’t want any of our readers sacrificing style for common sense’s sake.

Good heavens. We hope you warmed your hands first, Sami! Images via gq-magazin.de.

Avert your eyes, Kickettes! We haven’t revealed this much flesh on the site in one go since Tim Howard was kind enough to get his nekkid on for ESPN, and our server collapsed under the weight of our rampant lust.

Despite appearances, it’s all above board and not remotely under-the-counter in a brown paper bag. In fact, it’s Sami Khedira and Lena Gercke’s GQ shoot, which appears in the latest edition of the German version of the mag. This is actually one of the less steamy shots – others include ‘in bed with Sami and Lena’ plus a very fetching one of Sami in a smart dressing gown. Which we know you’ve been desperate to see.

A note of caution: last time we got all over excited about a couple getting hot ‘n heavy on a magazine cover, they had a bubba and then broke up. We sure hope that doesn’t happen again.

We’d feel awful guilty…

Image: Sport.es.

Because our inboxes are blazing with “friendly” reminder e-mails concerning all the footy birthdays we failed to mention, we’ve been peer pressured into doing it now.

Happy Birthday to them:

- Not only do Gerard Pique & Shakira share saliva, they also share the same birth date (albeit 10 years apart – he turned 25 while she reached 35 on 2 February). They celebrated their special day at a joint go-kart party surrounded by friends like Cesc Fabregas, Carles Puyol and his new lady, Giselle Lacouture.

- Following in the admirable tradition of stretching out the extravaganza as long as poss, Sara Carbonero celebrated her 28th birthday for three days straight. It started off with a dose of Facebook birthday love from her beau, who also picked her up from work that day. Then on Saturday, Miss Carbonero hit Madrid’s city centre shops and eateries with her closest girlfriends. She and Iker finally reunited on Sunday and, after cleverly avoiding the photogs, spent some private time together. Presumably in both of their birthday suits.

- As far as we know, Cristiano Ronaldo had a quiet night in with family for his 27th birthday last Sunday (5 February). While his other half was hosting an event in Las Vegas, CR7 munched on delicious cake. Perhaps he’ll be in for a wild nighttime treat upon her return?

Bonus birthday round:

- Neymar was showered with a delightful concoction of shampoo, chocolate syrup and flour by his best mates in celebration of his 100th career goal + 20th birthday this past weekend. How his trousers managed to remain on through both ordeals is up for discussion, Kickettes.

Last time we checked, wearing hair rollers in public was a “Don’t” in most sensible ladies’ books.

Well thanks to a recently misinterpreted decree from Vogue, the British press is now claiming that the baffling, mind-boggling and completely WAG-like trend of wearing hair rollers whilst out and about is now in fashion.

Not so fast.

Once upon a time, there were the odd anomalies to this errand-running ritual. Victoria Beckham and Cheryl Cole were both seemingly impervious to the doctrine of wandering the streets in hair curlers and spending their days engaged in competitive shopping. Victoria moved to America and Cheryl was stripped of her WAG title so the protests from these two exceptions failed to make an impact on their Northern counterparts.

Now if one takes a trip to Liverpool at the weekend, just as Vogue Italia fashion editor Stefania Cubello did, you’ll supposedly find gaggles of young gals walking around with their hair in velcro rollers in preparation of the BNO. Apparently keeping one’s hair pinned up makes it curly and bouncy right before heading out on the town, but is looking like a granny all day long worth the trade off?

We don’t think so.

Furthermore, does anyone else get the sense that Cubello’s comments were made more along the “just trying to be nice” lines?

Our opinion: some of the British press are a pack of unoriginal story-stealing wolves and women should keep their rollers behind closed doors. The bounciness of one’s hair really doesn’t matter when falling out of a club at dawn with half a gin and tonic spilled in it.

While staring at this photo of two Borussia Dortmund boys and their WAGs at a post-fashion show party in honour of sweets and other high carb/high sugar delights, we were struck by one undeniable truth: shop assistants lie. Oh, how they lie.

They lie to the innocent and cash-rich when they tell them, “Why yes, Mr Kehl, Palm Beach suits are going to be huuuge this Spring.”

They lie when they also say, “Shresses with elastic hems and colorful Missoni-like haberdashery are a must for any woman seeking a front row seat at Berlin Fashion Week,” as well as, “Whatever it is you’ve got on your feet really bring out the warmth in your eyes, Josipa.”

Anyway as we were saying, Borussia Dortmund’s (from left to right) Patrick Owomoyela, his steady sweetheart, Josipa, his team-mate, Sebastian Kehl, and Kehl’s WAG, Tina Kruger, hit the red carpet together two weeks ago in Cologne, Germany, to celebrate the annual International Sweets and Biscuits Fair (ISM).

Naturally, we’ve signed up for VIP tickets to next year’s shindig.

Images: EkstraBladet.dk.

Top of the morning to ya, Kickettes!

Hope you had a nice weekend filled with treats of the alcoholic and ‘baller varieties.

Saturday

- Nicklas Bendtner brought his two favourite females – a pet snake and his rumoured new girlfriend – to the launch of “NB Jewellery” where his first collection, “N3,” was presented. A dream of his ever since he was a young lad, Nicky B joins the much-better-suited ranks of David Beckham, Thierry Henry and Rio Ferdinand as footballers who own their own fashion and/or accessory lines.

- Good news for Stewart Downing: he won’t face charges after being arrested last month on suspicion of assault according to police. The 27-year-old winger was held for questioning on the 8th of January in relation to an alleged altercation with the 32-year-old mother of his child outside a pub in Yarm. She, too, was arrested that night, and remains free on police bail until further notice.

- Model/WAG extraordinaire, Irina Shayk, joined her BFF and fellow SI co-worker, Jessica White, at Las Vegas nightclub 1OAK for a pre-Super Bowl party. Our sugar daddy never came through FTW, in case you were wondering.

Images: PacificCoastNews.com.

Sunday

- Victoria Beckham accidentally crashed the Irish Hospice Foundation’s Web site after Tweeting a thank you message to Bono and his wife for the children’s book they gave to Vicky B’s daughter, Harper.

- Helen Flanagan felt the need to remind us +5 times about her relationship with Swansea footballer, Scott Sinclair, in an otherwise forgettable interview with one of the daily papers. Nice try, but you’re both still on the cusp of being irrelevant to us.

- Dutch ‘baller, Ryan Babel, dispensed some rather curious pontifications on relationships for women and children of varying ages to live by. Example: “Waiting until your parents are in a good mood before asking them for something you want…” Cheers for the advice, Captain Obvious.

As bromances go, we can’t say we expected this. But ya know what? It might just be mad enough to work… Image: REUTERS/Eddie Keogh.

It’s past 5 o’clock somewhere, Kickettes.

Consider that an explanation for our poor spelling, lack of coherence and just about anything else that’s horribly wrong after the jump.

GOOD WEEK

Mr & Mrs K take a well earned break from the babies at the Australian Open tennis final on 29th January. Image: Scott Barbour/Getty Images.

Daddy Kewell: We mentioned a couple of weeks ago that the gorgeous Kewell fam had welcomed their latest addition, and now delicious Dolly has made her public debut. The babe was pictured taking a light beverage in Daddy’s arms this morning in Melbourne, while Momma Sheree shared pram pushing duties with the other kidlings. If we were ever going to have a ‘Favourite Football Family’ contest, this lot would have to be odds on to win. But then…

Touch Base With Torres: Always wanted to find out what exactly it is that Fernando Torres keeps in his shorts? Ask him whether he too believes that cutting his hair killed his mojo? Now’s your opportunity as the Chelsea striker will be appearing on Chelsea TV’s ‘Friday Night Live’ show shortly and taking viewer questions. Our advice? Keep things nice and friendly if you’re planning on asking him out. And avoid talking about his scoring record.

Fear & Loathing: Joey Barton has blamed the “archaic” attitudes of football managers for the lack of openly gay players in the English professional game. Barton, speaking on a BBC documentary presented by Justin Fashanu‘s niece Amal, said that some individuals still believed that a gay player would cause all kinds of “shenanigans in the dressing room“, and want to prevent that. The QPR midfielder, who has a gay uncle, blames a lack of social awareness for the problem.

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BAD WEEK

Yes, we were surprised too, CBB presenter Brian Dowling. Image: Niki Nikolova/Getty Images.

No, Just Desperate: Horrendous news for those of you who like nothing more than challenging your mind with edifying, intellectual television. Rumours abound that Liverpool’s foray into the dramality genre, ‘Desperate Scousewives’, is going to be axed due to a “lukewarm” viewer response. Having sat through the show ourselves, we’re surprised that Channel 4 committed to a word as strong as ‘lukewarm’.

Big (Bad) Move: Nicola McLean has admitted that going into the Celebrity Big Brother house recently was “the worst decision of her life“. McLean, who is married to former Kettering striker Tom Williams, entered the house to much fanfare alongside de facto WAG Natasha Giggs, but was eliminated after getting involved in a row with Playboy twins Karissa & Kristina Shannon and ‘Loose Women’ presenter and eventual winner Denise Welch. Early reports suggest that no-one cares.

Egypt Riot: Sadly, it appears that the political instability in Egypt has spilled onto the football pitch, with security forces being criticised for the deaths of more than seventy people at the Al-Ahly vs. Al Masry match on Wednesday. Trouble flared when Al Masry shocked the hosts with a 3-1 victory and their fans stormed the pitch, reportedly attacking opposition players and other fans. Three days of mourning has been declared in Egypt and a minute’s silence will be held at the Africa Cup of Nations games this weekend.

Our thoughts are with the families and friends of the deceased and injured.

We’re quite certain this falls into the “breaking news” category, but we’ll be damned if we put the effort into Googling the amount of times a ‘baller has been seen with his sweetie at Cricket.  For as long as we’ve been spouting nonsense and abalicious photos, it’s never happened.

Perhaps Charlie’s fiancée fancied herself a pair of limited edition Ruthie Davis hi-tops with signature spikes, something she’s been recently lusting over on Twitter.  For a measly £350.00 (or $645), it’s no wonder Sophie-Leigh decided to bring her man and his credit card along for the boutique shopping ride.

But still, a footballer bravely (and knowingly) entering the confines of Cricket with his lady in tow and without a noose around his neck is a rarity ’round those parts. So much so that we’re slightly scared and acting all melodramatic about the apocalypse coming to get us before our next blowout.

Only gossip mags and Jaffa Cakes can save us now, Kickettes. Stay strong and start stock piling.

On the left is Sylvie van der Vaart; on the right is a Barbie in her likeness. Or maybe that’s the other way around. Images via @rafvdvaart

It was only a matter of time before the living Barbie became a real Barbie, wasn’t it?

Proud husband Rafael tweeted some pics of the Sylvie Barbie that was unveiled at a toy fair in Germany today. Toy makers Matel even worked with Sylvie’s stylist Danie Bles to make sure every detail of the Jan Taminiau dress she wore on Let’s Dance last year was accurate.

Sylvie is working as an ambassador for a European design competition with Barbie. This makes us think of what other WAGs would make good Barbies. We’ve affectionately dubbed Claudine Keane “Hot Mess Barbie,” but there must be more. Alex Gerrard as “Trend Monger Barbie” perhaps? Yolanthe Cabau as “Hair Envy Barbie?”

Share your Barbie thoughts with us.