'WAG Watch' Category

Quote of the Day: Victoria Beckham on LA Property

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“A lot of the houses I looked at were really garish – lots of gold, all very Versace. Believe it or not David and I do have good taste. I like everything to be simple and plain.”

We’re going to hazard a wild guess that of all people you don’t want to make enemies with, it’s Donatella Versace. She’ll slap the fake tan off you faster than you can say ‘St. Tropez spray’.

Wedding Bells: Joe Cole and Carly Zucker

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image: WENN

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We hate her dress sense, but appreciate her low profile and cute bf, so full congratulations to Carly Zucker, now engaged to Chelsea’s Joe Cole.

Joe proposed to Carly at their mansion in Surrey on Friday, and they celebrated Sunday in London.

Let’s break down the deets, shall we?

Estimated Ring Value: £50,000

Length of relationship: Two years

Amount of belly tops worn by Carly in those two years: several thousand

Engagement: after a meal at the Ivy in London, but before playing Oasis on the stereo in celebration. We have to say the Oasis thing would almost make us give back the ring. Almost.

First to hear the news: the two bulldogs the couple share. We’d like to know who reported that inane, trite bit of information in the name of looking “cute” to the tabloids.

Length of engagement: said to be at least six months, with the wedding happening at the end of next year’s season.

Afters: At Brinkley’s bar in Chelsea, where Carly shed a few tears over the realisation at never having to work again, and being married to Joe C for the rest of her life. Celebrations then moved on to Paper in Regent Street where they hooked up with Jermain Defoe who had been having his own engagement party in Hatfield but obviously got bored and decided to hit the town instead.

Excitement level: We’re at zzzz, but may elevate the status of this news to a mildly interested when Carly starts wedding dress shopping.

Link: Ace Joe Pops The Question

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WAG Watch: Cheryl Cole Goes Off

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Cheryl Cole has a lot to get off her chest lately. 

A few days ago she declared she wants nothing to do with the WAG label and that she refused a recent gift of a Bentley from hubby Ashley.  Now she’s also decided to share her quick witted retorts with the public.

As a guest on chef Gordon Ramsey’s show, The F Word (on UK telly tomorrow eve), she slagged off her enemies in the music biz.

Ramsey, obviously looking to stir the pot, brought up some snide remarks made about Cheryl by Charlotte Church:  “I haven’t resorted to wearing short skirts and dating a footballer to get into the charts”.  Cheryl’s response? “”She’s either talking shite or talking about someone else. A******.”

Personally, we think that was kind of a crap retort – surely she could have come up with something about Charlotte girly man, Gavin – his hair gel alone would offer at least 9,000 different potential insults, but what do we know? 

Next, Gordo asked Cheryl about Brit big mouth Lily Allen’s statement: “Nobody really wants to look like Cheryl Cole, they just think that they do…“

Cheryl’s reply: “Because everyone wants to look like her? Chick with a dick.“

Classy and assy.  Ashley’s one lucky lad.

WTF Files: Coleen’s New Doo

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It’s being labeled as the “Northern Chavvy” by hairstylists in London not too keen on Coleen McLoughlin’s new Skunktail Statement for hair.

Upon exiting her local hair salon in Liverpool, Coleen discovered she’d been given a parking ticket.

Insert your own ‘it was a ticket for fashion crimes against humanity’ line here.

Side Note: Anyone else heard about the nickname given to Coleen’s loyal crew of hangers-on in cheap dresses?  “The Ugly Sisters”  Ouch.

Ashley Parties, Cheryl Says Insane Things

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Last night, Ashley Cole partied the night away at Chinawhite’s in London until 2am.  Is this news?  Perhaps.  Rumour has it that he was with two blonde babes whilst Cheryl was tucked up at home in bed resting before the Girls Aloud tour.

Out on the town with Shaun Wright Phillips, Ashley drank, danced and exchanged witty conversation with the FHM model Kayleigh Pearson and TV presenter Natalie Pike.  Reports say Ashley seemed “embarrassed” when caught leaving the club.  But really, how would you expect him to look? Proud?  He was coming out of Chinawhite.  Has anyone gone to Chinawhite since 1999?  That’s what we’re more concerned about.

Anyhoo, in much more disturbing news, Cheryl Cole is said to have turned down a beaut of a Bentley from Ashley because she says, “I’m no WAG!“. 

Oh boy, where do we start with this one.  First of all Cheryl, you are a WAG, honey. Your husband is a footballer. Deal.  Second of all, were you born in a barn or something? When someone gives you a prezzie, you graciously say thank you, grab the car keys and high tail it to the nail shop to show it off to all of your peeps getting a French mani and a spray tan.  And also: no one cares. 

“I work hard for my money. I don’t ask Ashley for a penny,“ she says.

Link: Ashley Cole Parties With Blonde Stunners
Link: Cheryl ‘I’m No WAG’ Cole Refuses Luxury Car