'WAG Watch' Category

The Drunk Off Their Ass List: The Beckhams

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image: xposure
imageAnyone want to predict the level of hangover for these two this morning?

We’re thinking it might be a code red situation. Or, in other words, a driving the porcelain bus situation.

The Beckhams got their groove on last night with P Diddy, first having dinner at London’s Nobu and then heading to the Automat bar.  Reports say David was looking down and not terribly happy – this is the second night in a row we’re hearing about David’s temperate mood. 

We won’t speculate if his attitude has anything to do with us refusing to take his calls anymore. David. You’re married. We can’t be together. Not at least until you send more money. Or a nice necklace. We’re not bothered.

But back to our story of alcohol and Diddyness.  Thinking they could keep up with Puff Daddy was their first mistake.  This is a man who bathes in champagne and wears diamonds the size of croutons in his ears. 

Even with the British-born birthright of being able to drink the bar dry, David and Victoria couldn’t handle it.  They stumbled out into their waiting car, with the Daily Mail reporting Victoria looking “tired and emotional” as she collapsed in a heap over David.  We’ve seen Victoria this hammered before, but it’s a rare pleasure to see the couple completely smashed together.

image: retna
imageThe second mistake? The Burberry tea cozy hat.

The third mistake? (Yes, this was an evening of many) Victoria’s non-bra.  Girl you’re wearing jersey fabric.  Seriously.  Put on a goddamn bra. No one wants to have a conversation with you when those things are doing all the talking. 

Non-News: Victoria and David Do Dinner

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image: matrix
imageDavid and Victoria Beckham were out in London last night chowing down at Scotts in Mayfair.  They were having dinner with their friend and celebrity chef bigmouth-curse-alot Gordon Ramsey.

The bare bones of this non-newsworthy situ?

- Victoria wore Christopher Kane and looked like a trollop. (Mr. Kane sent her his entire Spring/Summer 07 collection).

- David looked mighty fine with a good pair of shoes

- David, whilst looking mighty fine and wearing good footwear, got annoyed with Victoria and her posing for the paparazzi, was a little huffy, but kept his mouth shut, and eventually they entered the restaurant.

Link: Posh’s Fashion Errors, Sky News

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Enough Already: Teddy Sheringham and Danielle Lloyd

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imageOkay… these two need to just stop.

Let’s start with Danielle.  She joins the coveted ranks of the Wives and Girlfriends Club by dating old man Sheringham, says some fantastically stupid things, loses thousands of pounds because of it, breaks up with her baller, gets back together with her baller, breaks up with him again, becomes a rival with her baller as an online poker rep – please stay awake if you can – and now?

She’s hooching it up on a professional level for all to see.

At celeb (both A, B and C-list) haunt, Funky Buddha, Danielle gave Charlton’s Marcus Bent a bump and grind dance showcase directly in front of her ex Teddy.  As he looked on, blood boiling, Danielle then started snogging the face off of Marcus as well.  Teddy told her to behave herself. She continued her striptastical behaviour until even the randoms at the club were raising eyebrows.

Danielle and Marcus exchanged numbers. 

But wait.  Last week girlfriend was spotted trying to get it on with Carlton Cole (West Ham) when they were out at the Embassy club.

And perhaps we should extend the ho-factor to Teddy as well, who flirted with a gaggle of women the same night – in the vicinity of Danielle & Co. The Mirror says he went home with three women.  Their “spy” says Danielle ran screeching to the loos in anger.

This is the type of healthy relationship with your ex one can only hope, dream, and take prescription medicine for.

Link: Sherri Taunts Ex In Club
Link: The Oldest Trick

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Beck Talk: The Spider has the Eagle in her Web

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imageAndy Bernal, one of the SPX management company employees during the David Beckham / Rebecca Loos scandal of ‘03 has the type of insider information we would kill for.

A part of the well-oiled Beckham machine from the minute David arrived in Madrid, Bernal (a former professional soccer player himself) says it didn’t take long for professional relationships to get a little messy between Becks and SPX rep Rebecca. 

Picture the scene:  the company has to set up makeshift headquarters at Rebecca’s father’s house.  David’s wife is shopping in London while the transition happens. Oh, and she’s also making records with Damon Dash in NYC with the hopes of an American re-launch. David is acclimatising to the Spanish lifestyle by chilling out on a sun lounger.  Rebecca is poolside in a bikini.  Bernal is in the background trying to get the internet to work. 

Quick question: ladies, would you be cool with your man “working” with this woman?  Isn’t that like taking a job at a cake shop when you’re on a diet? Just askin’.

Right, so as we all know, one night David and Rebecca are busted together at a nightclub.  Grainy photos do the rounds.  Becks’ peeps say it was a company night out, no biggie.  Bernal agrees, but adds that at the end of the evening, David and Rebecca sped off separately from the group in a car driven by bodyguard Delfin Fernandez. 

Later, Fernandez radioed to Bernal on the two-way: “The spider has the eagle in her web.“

Of course when the text messages and Rebecca’s tell-all tabloid confession came out, Victoria quickly fired the crap out of everyone on the SPX team.  She told Bernal:  “Andy, we all have mortgages to pay… We’ve all got to do what we’ve all got to do.“

imageWonder what she told Rebecca, huh?  Something like, “Beeyatch, you’re skank ass is toast!“ but perhaps not sounding quite so gangsta.

Anyone remember that after the (alleged) affair story broke, David’s official line was that the claims were “ludicrous”?  Not actually false, mind you.  Maybe he meant Ludacris – he’s always loved his rappers, our David.

Other random notes of interest: David keeps pet terrapins (turtles).

The interesting bit of this story is the very obvious exclusion from the British media.  Strange, no? These are the people who report with great fervour when Victoria buys a handbag.  In fact, a little tipster-birdie told us the tabloids did approach Bernal with a big money offer but he turned it down, scared of being misrepresented. Plans for a book were similarly shelved because most UK publishers were too scared of the Beckham’s suing them and their children’s children until the end of time.

Nothing like some good new/old news to start the day off right.  Turtles, bikinis and spiders, oh my.

Link: At the Becks And Call of Posh & Dave

Link: Rebecca Loos Official Site

VIP: Stephen Gerrard Gets an MBE

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image
Image: Rex.

Stephen Gerrard and Margaret Thatcher – sorry, Alex Curran, at Buckingham Palace.  Mr. G was there to receive an MBE (Members of the Order of the British Empire) for his outstanding contribution to sport.

Alex’s hair gives more than any words could ever say.