The above may look like the 80s Hair Brigade Comeback Special in Atlantic City, but it certainly is not.
We mentioned WAGs Boutique before, when the A-list WAGs shattered our hopes and dreams by dropping out. Left with a motley crew of semi-fabulousness and unknown randoms with big boobs, the competition is hotting up. We think.
We’re predicting this will be so bad it’s brilliant. We’re predicting that we will publicly mock, but privately be glued to the chesterfield eating bon bons with the phone on divert as we route for Team Better Half (see below).
Let’s get into the gories, shall we?
Stories are circulating that Victoria B has been snubbed by her good mate Liz Hurley. Apparently she’s been taken off the guest list for Liz’s upcoming nuptials to some random dude in March. Wasn’t Victoria supposed to be a bridesmaid for this thing? It could just be a case of a Bridezilla attack, but something is definitely amiss.
In fact, this is the second high profile friendship of the Beckhams that appears to be falling apart. Last year, Elton John (Godfather to Brooklyn and Romeo) blathered on about the Beckhams becoming freeloaders, and Elton’s partner, David Furnish has admitted they rarely speak anymore.
Link: Victoria Beckham Hurt By Liz Hurley
Link: Elton Snubs The Beckhams
Anyone still unsure about David Beckham’s ability to break into the American public’s psyche? Let’s see what happens after an interview he’s doing with CBS will be broadcast during the Superbowl on February 4. Audience numbers in North America for this miniscule, teeny tiny event on the American Football calendar will hit 80 million plus. That’s a whole ‘lotta drunk, sports lovin’, chip eatin’ men, women and children open to discovering the dolcet charms of the Becks.
Victoria has signed a
Never question the wisdom of the Posh One.
Let us count the ways she is wise:
She knows the secret to fitting into child sized clothing (hint: it involves never letting food pass your lips); she’s churned out three heirs to the Beckham throne all without having to break a sweat or suffer the indignity of natural childbirth; and now?
She’s publicly denounced Scientology.
Or so we’ve been told by our BFF, the ever reliable tabloids.
The Sun UK is reporting that Victoria has pshawed off concerns that she and David will become Scientologists. Their high profile buds, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been courting Victoria with literature on the “religion”.
Side note: remember a time when Tom Cruise was sort of cool and somewhat attractive? Now? How creepy are you, dude?
Rounding out the high profile friends trifecta, Marc Antony and Jennifer Lopez have become chums with Victoria and are also on the hit list for conversion.
So why has Victoria nixed the religion? Is it the concern over the Brand Beckham’s reputation if they convert? The limited film roles? The explaining to the children about all the alien stuff? Nope. It’s the cash.
A source close to the family said: “Victoria is having none of it. She can’t see the point of joining something like that where you have to donate money.“
Link: No Sects Please We’re British
image: rex features
Now that the diamond dust is settling on the big LA move, we’re sort of thinking Victoria is screwed. Aside from the pressure of converting to Scientology by Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, she’s got the following to contend with:
1. Playboy playmates would like to have a photo shoot with her. And hang with her husband.
One of Hef’s main girls, Bridget Marquardt said: “She should do a pictorial with us. We’ve got big plans for her. I think she’s going to fit in fine – they’re both gorgeous.“
And Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder said: “I think Hollywood is gonna love him [David]. The girls at the mansion have been talking about it and want to be sure that we put him on the party list.“
Er, Victoria? Take it from us. You do not want David kicking it at the Playboy mansion. Under any circumstances. Even if you were trapped at the photoshoot with wrinkly old Hef breathing down your neck, wrapped in a maribou-trimmed feather boa that was on fire, you still wouldn’t want David entering the building. Or even approaching the gate. Nuh-uh.
Oh we give up.
When we first heard rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo was dating Hollyoaks actress Gemma Atkinson we tittered cynically into our daiquiris and rolled our eyes. As if.
We haven’t watched Hollyoaks since, well, never. And she’s cute, but… not that cute, right? This is the C-dog we’re talking about.
But yet, once again, we’ve been shown that we don’t know squat about anything. We think we do, but we do not.
Cristiano and Gemma have been dating after they met at a party in Manchester. She’s “very happy” with how things have been going. “I don’t have a thing for footballers,“ she’s insisted. Hmmm. Didn’t she used to go out with Marcus Bent a la Charlton?
Sony BMG has just offered her a record contract. She’s had a well-publicised boob job. She does boxing training.
To finish, after she said that she understood why other women might be jealous of her relationship with Cristiano, Gemma added, “They do have great bodies though!“
Honey, you’re preaching to the choir in the church that we built.
Link: Gemma Atkinson Official Site
Link: Hollyoaks Babe – Ron’s My Gem