Ooookay… so it’s looking like the Gemma Atkinson/Cristiano Ronaldo love-fest is over.
We’re quite sure Ms. Atkinson was very proudly bragging about this conquest in the not-so-distant past of two minutes ago, when we welcomed her to the WAG club.
At a party at Manchester’s Cotton House Club late last week, Gemma hooked up with Mark Furze, a former Australian soap star. They were seen doing some tonsil hockey in the back of a cab on the way home.
If you’re a prude you may not want to read the next bit: he had his hand on her bottom.
The same night as the bottom-touching events in question, Cristiano was hanging out at the Kylie Minogue concert. We could say something about that, but we’re going to stay focussed on Gemma for the moment.
We’re all for women asserting their rights to be “social”, but if you’ve got a stiletto in the door at Club Cristiano, why on earth would you go to any other building?
Ciao Gemma, we barely knew ye. Don’t let the door hit your skanky ass on the way out.
Link: Love A Furze
The above may look like the 80s Hair Brigade Comeback Special in Atlantic City, but it certainly is not.
We mentioned WAGs Boutique before, when the A-list WAGs shattered our hopes and dreams by dropping out. Left with a motley crew of semi-fabulousness and unknown randoms with big boobs, the competition is hotting up. We think.
We’re predicting this will be so bad it’s brilliant. We’re predicting that we will publicly mock, but privately be glued to the chesterfield eating bon bons with the phone on divert as we route for Team Better Half (see below).
Let’s get into the gories, shall we?
Stories are circulating that Victoria B has been snubbed by her good mate Liz Hurley. Apparently she’s been taken off the guest list for Liz’s upcoming nuptials to some random dude in March. Wasn’t Victoria supposed to be a bridesmaid for this thing? It could just be a case of a Bridezilla attack, but something is definitely amiss.
In fact, this is the second high profile friendship of the Beckhams that appears to be falling apart. Last year, Elton John (Godfather to Brooklyn and Romeo) blathered on about the Beckhams becoming freeloaders, and Elton’s partner, David Furnish has admitted they rarely speak anymore.
Link: Victoria Beckham Hurt By Liz Hurley
Link: Elton Snubs The Beckhams
Anyone still unsure about David Beckham’s ability to break into the American public’s psyche? Let’s see what happens after an interview he’s doing with CBS will be broadcast during the Superbowl on February 4. Audience numbers in North America for this miniscule, teeny tiny event on the American Football calendar will hit 80 million plus. That’s a whole ‘lotta drunk, sports lovin’, chip eatin’ men, women and children open to discovering the dolcet charms of the Becks.
Victoria has signed a
Never question the wisdom of the Posh One.
Let us count the ways she is wise:
She knows the secret to fitting into child sized clothing (hint: it involves never letting food pass your lips); she’s churned out three heirs to the Beckham throne all without having to break a sweat or suffer the indignity of natural childbirth; and now?
She’s publicly denounced Scientology.
Or so we’ve been told by our BFF, the ever reliable tabloids.
The Sun UK is reporting that Victoria has pshawed off concerns that she and David will become Scientologists. Their high profile buds, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have been courting Victoria with literature on the “religion”.
Side note: remember a time when Tom Cruise was sort of cool and somewhat attractive? Now? How creepy are you, dude?
Rounding out the high profile friends trifecta, Marc Antony and Jennifer Lopez have become chums with Victoria and are also on the hit list for conversion.
So why has Victoria nixed the religion? Is it the concern over the Brand Beckham’s reputation if they convert? The limited film roles? The explaining to the children about all the alien stuff? Nope. It’s the cash.
A source close to the family said: “Victoria is having none of it. She can’t see the point of joining something like that where you have to donate money.“
Link: No Sects Please We’re British
image: rex features
Now that the diamond dust is settling on the big LA move, we’re sort of thinking Victoria is screwed. Aside from the pressure of converting to Scientology by Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, she’s got the following to contend with:
1. Playboy playmates would like to have a photo shoot with her. And hang with her husband.
One of Hef’s main girls, Bridget Marquardt said: “She should do a pictorial with us. We’ve got big plans for her. I think she’s going to fit in fine – they’re both gorgeous.“
And Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder said: “I think Hollywood is gonna love him [David]. The girls at the mansion have been talking about it and want to be sure that we put him on the party list.“
Er, Victoria? Take it from us. You do not want David kicking it at the Playboy mansion. Under any circumstances. Even if you were trapped at the photoshoot with wrinkly old Hef breathing down your neck, wrapped in a maribou-trimmed feather boa that was on fire, you still wouldn’t want David entering the building. Or even approaching the gate. Nuh-uh.