Oh we give up.
When we first heard rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo was dating Hollyoaks actress Gemma Atkinson we tittered cynically into our daiquiris and rolled our eyes. As if.
We haven’t watched Hollyoaks since, well, never. And she’s cute, but… not that cute, right? This is the C-dog we’re talking about.
But yet, once again, we’ve been shown that we don’t know squat about anything. We think we do, but we do not.
Cristiano and Gemma have been dating after they met at a party in Manchester. She’s “very happy” with how things have been going. “I don’t have a thing for footballers,“ she’s insisted. Hmmm. Didn’t she used to go out with Marcus Bent a la Charlton?
Sony BMG has just offered her a record contract. She’s had a well-publicised boob job. She does boxing training.
To finish, after she said that she understood why other women might be jealous of her relationship with Cristiano, Gemma added, “They do have great bodies though!“
Honey, you’re preaching to the choir in the church that we built.
Link: Gemma Atkinson Official Site
Link: Hollyoaks Babe – Ron’s My Gem
Danielle Lloyd is starting to work our last nerve.
Remember how that happened with whatsherface Clancy? Well it’s happening again.
But herein lies the problem: she’s so damn cute we are struggling to bring out the hateration just yet. (Yes. We said “hateration”. It was necessary.)
As we all know, she’s dating Teddy Sheringham, she got her perky 23-year-old butt booted from her duties as Miss Great Britain, and now she’s gracing the screens of the nation with her exploits on Celebrity Big Brother UK.
Let’s take this to a bulleted examination of the further evidence:
- As mentioned above, Danielle won Miss Great Britain in Feb 2007. She ran her mouth to the press about how Teddy S (one of the judges of the pageant) gave her a
We weren’t thrilled at the idea, but we’ve been pleasantly surprised by the Melanie Slade photoshoot with Arena Magazine. Not that we approve, mind, but she still looks normal, thank gawd.
photos: arena/christophe meimoon
Victoria Beckham has denied that she has an eating disorder. She explains in a BBC interview that she just has a very “controlled” way of eating which is why she remains so slim. (“Control” mentioned in the same sentence as eating seems worrying, but we can’t write anything further about food due to the large turkey carcass still festering on the kitchen counter and making us feel gross).
Oh, she’s also denying the recent reports that she’ll star in a film for Tom Cruise: (“I can’t act to save my life”), went skating with Geri Halliwell but didn’t actually skate, and is scared that her high waisted jeans will kill her.
We’re so proud our years of college have paid off writing such compelling copy as “high waisted jeans will kill her”.
Link: Victoria Beckham Jeans Fear
Link: Victoria’s Body Result of Eating
Link: Geri’s Day Out With Posh
From the We’ll Believe It When We See It files:
Victoria Beckham has reportedly signed on to star in a Tom Cruise Scientology themed film, “The Thetan” as an alien bride. According to scientology, Thetan is an immortal being spiritually present in all humans. Victoria would be playing Thetan’s wife.
Yeah, sounds like madness to us also. Unless of course, the alien bride is wearing Gucci.
Tom Cruise is self-funding the project because, strangely, he couldn’t get investment from any of the major studios.
Link: Alien Bride Posh