Kickette.com – Soccer/football gossip, hot players, WAGs that love them

Jamelia: Respect the WAG Hierarchy

There’s a battle raging in WAG world, and someone’s going to lose a French manicured falsie in the fight.

UK pop-R&B-zzz singer Jamelia has publicly been airing her views on footballers’ wives for some time. First she harped on about having her own career and not needing her man to fulfill her (she’s shacked up with Millwall’s Darren Byfield). Then she went on about WAGs being “leeches” and singled out Alex Curran, baby-mama and fiancée to Steven Gerrard, with a vicious verbal attack saying Alex only ate three grapes a day or something, we don’t know, we fell asleep whilst reading the report.

“Footballers’ wives are people who are like leeches, feeding off their partner’s success,” J said. “I didn’t seek out Darren because he’s a footballer. I have my own career, my own life, and without Darren I’d still be Jamelia. God forbid if Alex Curran split up with Steve Gerrard. Who would she be then?”

Alex has retaliated with some choice words in this week’s OK! Magazine:

“I couldn’t believe it. I have never met her but she accused me of getting by on three grapes a day, suggesting I’m anorexic or something. It’s because I’m engaged to one of the most famous footballers in the country. I can’t help that. She’ll be glad to know I don’t know her boyfriend’s name but Steven thinks he’s lower than a non-league football player.”

Meow.

We hear Jamelia is taking off her earrings and pulling her hair back into a ponytail in preparation for the next round. But why bother, girl? When it comes to the footy hierarchy, accept your lowly placing and hope your children will upgrade with a Premier Leaguer next time around.

Link: WAGs Anger Over Jamelia Jibe

the WTF files: cinematic beckhams

So apparently, Katie Holmes will be playing Victoria Beckham in an upcoming biopic about David Beckham’s life.

*pause for deep cleansing breaths*

Up until now, we’ve been happily putting our fingers in our ears when stories fly about the Beckhams’ friendship with TomKat, even after David’s very recent tabloid comments that he had a long heart to heart with Tom when he was dropped from the England squad.

We successfully ignored the photos of Victoria shoe shopping with Katie and carrying around a Scientology Indoctrination handbook. But this, we cannot ignore.

One small mercy: Tom Cruise will not be playing the role of David, due to “marked physical differences”.

Link: Holmes to Play Victoria Beckham

Thursday Talent: Iker Casillas

He’s twenty-five, super-fine, born and raised in Madrid, has lightning quick reflexes, and enjoys long walks in the park eating Skittles.

Okay, we made up the last bit, but how great would that be if he did?

No? Just us, then.

G/f is model Eva Gonzalez, seen here modelling a tasteful, yet subtle dress for enjoying a shandy down the local.

quote of the day: sophie anderton

“He gave me a diamond-encrusted Cartier watch – but it’s not about the money.“

Former model Sophie Anderton about boyfriend, Simon Jordan, the chairman and owner of Crystal Palace FC.

The Beckhams: Bulleted

Another day, another 800 news items on the Beckhams.

Our love of the Becks is unfounded, but this calls for a rapid fire bullet summary, oh yes.

- The pool in their French villa has collapsed.

- This French villa has chandeliers in the bathroom.

- This is the same villa rumoured to be haunted.

- Victoria says the assumption that her behind was J-Lo’d digitally in their perfume ad is untrue.

- She just “stuck it out.“

- Oh, how she doth lie to us.

- She cut her hair as a ceremonious changing of the guard as the Queen of WAGs stepping down after hubby David resigned the captaincy.

- Victoria struggled to keep up with the WAGs at the World Cup because she’s older than them.

- Are we still talking about this?

- She also hates one of the WAGs.

- But won’t say which one.

- But we can guess.

- This is because a certain WAG got pissed off at Victoria’s son Brooklyn.
- Brooklyn suffers from motion sickness and the communal World Cup bus that takes families to the games had to keep pulling over so he could throw up.

- What the f*ck is Victoria Beckham doing on a communal bus?

- Aren’t they for peasants and livestock?

- Apparently all of the Becks’ kids suffer from motion sickness.

- Victoria’s perfume is outselling her husband’s cologne by 66%

- David’s favourite fragrance: “The smell of Victoria when she’s gotten out of the shower.“

- David says he loves Victoria so much he is building her an “infinity” maze in their English back garden.

- Victoria is currently in NYC for New York fashion week.

- David is watching the kids back in Spain.

- Her use of the trilby hat is to disguise an “acne” attack.

- Unlike WAGs forced to ride a communal bus, acne doesn’t discriminate.

- Victoria says David was “heartbroken” when he wasn’t picked for the England squad.

- She also thinks he is much sexier than her.

- “I always say to David, you’re naturally so talented and good looking, so much more so than me.“

- Well, duh.