'Wedding Bells & Babies' Category

Happy Rooney Holidays


Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin are on the cover of the new HELLO! magazine letting us into their world of obsene wealth and fluffiness.  Best add this issue to your Christmas list – urgently. These are photos you don’t want to miss.  Need help articulating this vision of holiday joy? Loyal Kickette Lyzette emailed us her take:

“Why is there a harsh spotlight just on their faces? To distract from the satanic-looking candles in the supposed-to-be-snow fluff? Are they visiting the snow-covered grave site of Liberace (doubtful—there is no snow in Vegas but who could blame me for thinking so with those candelabras?) Also, wouldn’t candles sitting in fluffy snow melt it?“

So harsh, so true. Apologies to the Liberace estate for the insults.

Main item of interest in the feature story is that since England is out of you-know-what next year, Wayne is free to marry Coleen in June.  They swear it will be a low key occasion.  In WAG-speak, that means only 40 horse-drawn carriages and three changes of clothing during the wedding ceremony.  Wayne summed up the wedding planning best:

“When we [England] failed to qualify, as devastating as that was, we were able to come up with some firm dates,“ explains 22-year-old Wayne. “So I guess there is some up side to it.“

Read the full story in HELLO! this week.
Image: dailymail

Multi-tasking: The Kewells


Sheree Murphy‘s third child with Harry Kewell was conceived on the night of Steven Gerrard’s wedding to Alex Curran.

TMI?  Sorry.  Here’s a cute pic of the fams to take away the thoughts of conception.


from this week’s OK! Magazine

Pitter Patter: Kaká and Caroline


imageNews has been circulating on the ever reliable internet that Ricardo Kaká’s wife, Caroline Celico, is four months pregnant with their first child. No official announcements have been made, and since we have no idea how to speak any foreign language other than drunkese we cannot confirm this 100% for you yet.

But we will confirm that any offspring of this couple will be so cute all puppies, bunnies and baby deer will be relegated to ‘meh’ status or lower. Kaká fans, we know you will agree.

Caroline and Kaká have been married for two years (she is just twenty years old), and they spend much of their time looking at each other in the mirror. Or at least we would, if we were them.

In an interesting quote, a source in the Brazilian press said: “Kaká says he is happy to be a father. Carol is also calm about having a child.”

Perhaps something was lost in the translation, as ‘calm’ is a strange emotion to have when pregnant with Kaká’s bubba, no? We would be sending out press releases with “Nyah Nyah!” written all over them.

UPDATE: Double congrats to Kaka, who has made the shortlist for FIFA’s World Player of the Year award.

thanks mj!

Joe Cole Sets a Date, Rocks Out



Joe Cole and his fiancée, Carly Zucker, have set a date for their wedding next year.

It falls the day before the Euro 2008 final. Interesting, as they set the date before Wednesday’s game that saw England eliminated from the competition.

Someone has a future on a psychic friends hotline, that’s for sure. But what would they have done had England made it to the finals? How could Joe be trusted to make the choice between his country and his beloved bedhead, Carly?

Even more interesting: is Steve McLaren responsible for saving their wedding? See, he can actually orchestrate a successful event.

Ah well, at least we can look forward to Carly’s wedding dress next June. We’re going to make an early call and predict it will have a special cut out panel for her six pack. There will be no fabric over the mid section, you can bet on that.


Pitter Patter: Jermaine Jenas and Sabrina Keogh


New baller baby alert: Jermaine Jenas became a father for the first time last week. He and girlfriend Sabrina Keogh are the proud parents to baby Sancha Natascha. 

Jermaine publicly thanked his girlfriend for doing the night shift with his daughter so he could be well-rested for his upcoming matches.

Of Sabrina he said:

“She has been brilliant and I’ve had no sleepless nights. She knows I’ve got games and I can’t be interrupted so she was more responsible for the goals than me.  Being a dad is a new experience for me. My first love has always been football and then my baby has come along and I’ve realised there are more important things in life.“

Congratulations to both the sleeping and the non-sleeping in the Jenas household.