Don’t be fooled, dear readers, the Kickette Men’s Underpants Research Institute have had their hands full of World Cup subjects to study. The analysis in still in its early stages but our ever adept premier test subject, Cristiano Ronaldo, has already unearthed the metaphysical formula behind Upside-down Bulge: 1/2 Tight Shorts + 1/4 rear view + 1/4 pose and push.
Even though our findings are currently being reviewed/approved by NASA, we decided to give our loyal readers an advanced preview of the soon-to-be-published study, The Battle Bulge Faces For World Domination.
Steven Gerrard tries to persuade Jermain Defoe that there is not a ‘big, scary monster’ in the penalty area. Images: Getty Images, AP Photo & Reuters via Daylife & Photo Agency via Zimbio.
Recently, we notified you of an ongoing problem in our office – that of the photo interloper. To summarise, an individual and/or item that ruins an otherwise perfectly wonderful shot and therefore our day.
As regular readers will have realised, knowing when to leave something alone is not one of our strong points, so we have expanded this idea to incorporate possible items/things/people that we feel may have slightly disrupted England’s World Cup campaign and should therefore be immediately and arbitrarily removed from the space time continuum to ensure future success.
Our logic? We feel this is a far more appropriate response to the whole crazymaking situation than our first instinct. Which was to pack up and open a cookie store.
Images via AFP/Getty Images.
A big congrats is in order for all the teams who’ve managed to make it to the quarter finals (Germany, Holland, Paraguay, Spain, Brazil, Uruguay, Argentina and Ghana.) While we’re as thrilled as Akon that an African team is still in the mix to contend with the big hitters like Germany and the Netherlands, the real story here is the dominance of the South American (and Spanish) teams.
The South American continent is 4-for-5 in nations advancing (sadfaces for Chile). Essentially, the most important footballing competition in existence just got a whole lot more samba-licious.
Today, we present to you a rundown of how the WC elite 8 have gotten this far.
We’re all about keeping things light today, dear readers, as motivation ain’t running too high.
Because our inner fantasies can barely contain themselves, we’re playing The Kickette Word Association Game. The rules are this: we’ll give a word and/or phrase and you must disclose the first thought/person that comes to mind.
You can thank the magical minds of Barney’s and Simon Doonan for inspiring this game. If you know your Spanish NT gossip, this should be a breeze.