Images via Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Attila Kisbenedek/AFP/Getty Images; Fame Pictures.
The cream of the highly-talented/highly hot crop is fading fast, Kickettes, and we’re freaking out. So help us, if we hear any more bad news bears around the WC, we’re throwing in the (stolen) Mandarin Oriental Hotel towel and moving to Mars.
There’s those who’ve succumbed to injury – Rio Ferdinand, Didier Drogba, D-Becks, Michael Essien, and Jozy Altidore, to name a few – and then there’s those not given a fair fiery shot, such as Marco Borriello, Pato and Karim Benzema. At least Michael Ballack’s injury occurred early enough to give him the chance to enact his summertime Plan B – hitting the shores of Miami with his wife, Simone. Bah, who are we kidding, Micha’s nipples deserved their place on the pitch.
Please, dear readers, send your warmest fuzzies to all the genetically-blessed guys out there still taking part in the World Cup, including Carlos Bocanegra (USA) and Iker Casillas (Spain). We would encourage physio assistance, but room between their thighs is at a premium and we’re not giving up our reservations just yet.
Kaka (left) and Robinho demonstrate some NT guy love. Awww! (Images: Reuters, AP Photos, Getty Images)
Brazil. Five World Cup wins. The only team to have played in every single World Cup Tournament. Currently and consistently number one in the FIFA NT Rankings.
But let’s not pretend we care. The beauty about Kickette, you see, is that all of the above achievements pale into insignificance when the real questions are asked. Like, who in the Brazil NT will be bringing the ‘hawt’ to South Africa? We’ve spent some time on this and are now in a position to reveal our tawdry thoughts.
Fabio Capello has named his 23-man roster of English footballers, who duly arrived in South Africa on a pimped-out jet plane this morning. While a handful of hopefuls like Sunderland’s Darren Bent and Man City’s Adam Johnson were left disappointed after Tuesday’s press conference, Arsenal’s Theo Walcott was perhaps the most surprising name not on Capello’s 2010 World Cup list.
While this will be a massive blow to Walcott, spare a thought for his longtime gal-pal, Melanie Slade, who in spite of her status denials is bound to be terribly traumatised by the news.
Not only will she now have to deal with mood swings and plaintive ‘what ifs’ from her sullen boy for the next few months, the safari outfits, buckets of bronzer and tenderly nurtured hopes that Theo would be the hero of the tourney (thus catapulting them to new heights of stardom and shoe availability) will all have to be returned to the store. We kid, we kid. Ish.
Stay strong, Mel – at least you nearly got there. The closest we’re going to get to the England WC training camp is drooling over these photos of Jamo and the boys in their suits.
Your thoughts on Mr. Capello’s choices, Kickettes?
“It’s only in the last few years, as I’ve got older, that I’ve completely toned it down. I’m not orange now and I don’t buy clothes for the sake of it. I tend to buy classic pieces.”
(And by “classic pieces” Alex meant the Very.co.uk World Cup collection/clothing assault on a Halloween Jail-break Pirate costume.) Another fun tidbit from Alex’s NOTW interview – she admitted to blaming her messy house on her kids or pet. Fair play.