Hello, Police? We may have located your suspect.
We would like to take this opportunity to issue a full and frank statement of denial in response to the rumours that are circulating regarding the wanton vandalism of the Chelsea squad’s pants.
While hunting down footballer’s undergarments is a practice advocated and indeed encouraged in the ‘Kickette Conduct Manual’, we would never actively encourage a soldier girl to approach a player’s pants… unless the player was actually wearing them at the time.
In that scenario, some tearing may occur, but this would be in the spirit of merriment and with the player’s full consent.
Thank you.
“He’s not her boyfriend…They’re not going out. It’s all a cover-up to keep photographers at bay.”
–Boxer Amir Khan blows up Cheryl Cole’s post-break up spot.
Ah, well. It was fun while it lasted.
UPDATE: Interestingly enough, Amir is denying that he told Grazia magazine that the relationship is a sham.
UPDATED – Nicolas Anelka’s response to the news that he has been suspended from the French NT for 18 (!) matches:
“The so-called punishment has no relevance whatsoever because, for me, the French national team was an issue which ended on June 19 when I was kicked out of the training centre at Knysna.”
“This is just to entertain the public, to turn the page because Laurent Blanc needs to be able to work in peace.”
“These people are clowns. I am dying with laughter.”
Yup. Think we mentioned this at the time. But thanks for confirming it, Nic. A smug Kickette office is a happy Kickette office, after all.
Come one, come all to the greatest show on earth!
The French NT circus is rolling into our town and it’s nearly sold out. You needn’t worry about purchasing tickets, Kickettes, as we’ve scored our loyal readers prime viewing real estate at this World Cup’s most exciting show.
Please note: admission to the circus is 30 minutes before performance start times. Additionally, the circus guest shop is open beforehand and during intermission – selling adult refreshments and mascara tubes as souvenirs.
The big top will be heated as required and you may get wet or foamed during performances. That’s an advisory, not a guarantee.
READ MORE
UPDATED: Here’s another shot of the cut, styled and dried. And, in other Sergio news, he seems to have “out-Sergio’d” himself with this new bag. Dying.
Few moments in our history are as big as this. Cristiano becoming a baby daddy. The Iker beard-shaving incident. Victoria Beckham wearing flat shoes.
Deep breaths.
So, let’s just state the obvious: our beloved Sergio Ramos has cut his hair. He debuted his new look on Twitter today, and we’re thinking that perhaps he took along a picture of an old school Zac Efron on his way to the hairdressers.
While Sergio looks very pleased with his new scissor-happy look, we want to know what you think. Is The Ramos’s new ‘do’ fabulous or fug, Kickettes? Are you popping corks celebratory style, or numbing the pain with cake/mainlining margaritas? We would hate to influence your decision in any way, but we think this link (via ONTD) adequately sums up our reaction to the news.
Still, much like our feelings for reality telly and cheap wine, our love for SR is unchanging. We just need a ‘mo. Pick yourself up off the floor and talk to us, soldier girls.
Dear Abi,
We’re not sure if these heinous rumours are true, but if they are, we do know one thing:
Visiting a prostitute while you are engaged to the eye-watering hotness that is yourself is the behaviour of someone in receipt of a comprehensive and highly successful frontal lobotomy.
But let’s not focus on the negative. Indeed, we won’t be offering our condolences to you; we will offer ourselves instead.
Here are five reasons why you should forget about Peter and go out with us instead.
READ MORE
Lord knows we don’t feel like working today, so in the name of half-arsed news reportage (literally), here’s Fernando Torres getting jabbed in the bottom whilst glute training.
We’re off to the job centre. We are more than qualified to poke Nando’s butt cheeks for pay, thank you very much.
Thanks C!
After several hours deliberation, we’re going with the ‘Nut Brown’. You? Images: AP Photo via Daylife, universovip.blogspot.com & Protek
We like to consider ourselves fairly in the know when it comes to the latest fashion trends, people. The amount of money we collectively spend on handbags, shoes and random bits of fabric suggests as much, anyway.
But unfortunately we appear to have been left behind with this ‘must have’ – the obnoxious orange glow. Yes, apparently looking like a freshly varnished fence is the latest in high fashion and all of our favourite peeps are cheerfully hitting the bottle/can/paintbrush with gusto.
It’s rare, nay practically unheard of, but we are speechless at some of the sights gracing the tabloids of late. Whether it’s a look inspired by Jersey Shore (we’re not totally sure why anyone would want to emulate Snooki, The Situation and DJ Pauly D et al (left), but hey… who are we to criticise?) or a garden furniture show room, our only hope is that manufacturers will eventually catch on to the product shill opportunities offered by this travesty in tanning.
Who knows? Soon we might all be taking care of our wooden fixtures and fittings with a careful (and even) application of ‘Lampard Leather Look’. How marvelous would that be?!
Nothing like getting to a Harrods 50% off shoe sale late, when the hardcores have been at it for an hour and folks are getting desperate. Part “pin the tail on the donkey”, part rodeo, women and children are no longer guaranteed safety first. You know the drill.
Seeing Portsmouth FC’s upcoming season line-up on their website has left us with a sense of post-sale ennui. Much like discovering there are only clodhopper sizes in your favourite S/S butterfly Miu Mius when you know that lanky chick at the cash desk has smuggled the last pair in a human size behind the counter for herself, our emotions have transitioned into disbelief.
We’ve been contemplating if the club’s official Web site is just joshin’ with us or not, though after seeing Daniel Taylor’s tweet, we’re now creeping into the depression/regret/angst phase. While we’d rather say it ain’t so, we think this first team photo is legit.
Still, like every epic shoe sale there’s pros and cons to both of these situs:
Pro: The squad does have at least 11 players to field a starting squad/With annual sales, there’s always next year.
Con: Unfortunately, a goalkeeper doesn’t seem to be included in that mix as of yet / Annual sales only occur once a year. Damn you tall bish with the employee discount.
Chin up, Pompey supporters!
Share