'WTF Files' Category

Good Week/Bad Week: Lies, Allies & Neuer’s Statistics

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Well, this is awkward. Image: REUTERS/Ina Fassbender.

GOOD WEEK

Doin’ It Like A Dude: We’ve enjoyed watching Manuel Neuer respond with quiet dignity to his status as public enemy number one in Germany. You know, all the hating at Schalke because he left them followed up by the hating at Bayern Munich because he signed for them. So it gives us even more pleasure to tell you the cute ass keeper will rack up 1000 minutes of clean sheet-ery if Bayern don’t concede against Hoffenheim on Saturday. Mama was right, Kickettes. Revenge IS a dish best served cold. You know, like borscht.

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David de Gea: Lock Up Your Donuts!

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Sorry. We couldn’t help ourselves. Original image: REUTERS/Darren Staples.

We’ve all been tempted, Kickettes. But theft, even when it involves staples of life like glazed Krispy Kreme donuts, is a crime.

David de Gea knows this now, having been apprehended by security officers after he was allegedly filmed on CCTV pilfering a pastry from an English supermarket. Reports state that the baby faced ‘keeper and two friends ‘swaggered into the store, chatting loudly in Spanish’ and then left without even trying to pay.

We can only assume that David’s preparation for life in the EPL involved a telephone conversation with that other famed confectionary enthusiast, Cesc Fabregas, whose excitement at the ‘donut disco’ may have allowed the issue of payment to slip his mind.

We think that to celebrate this outbreak of criminal awesomeness in the EPL you should all go out and buy yourself a box of frosted fat cakes. Note what we said there? Buy. Not steal.

We’ve got our own problems, without being convicted of being accessories to sugar swindling.

Josip Mikulic: Seriously? You Have To Ask?

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Dude, concentrate on the game! Not on those photos of special ladies you’ve got on your phone! Image: AP Photo/John Smierciak.

These two gentlemen are Sean Johnson and  Josip Mikulic from MLS side Chicago Fire. They were caught arguing on the pitch during the Fire’s 3-2 victory over New England Revolution last weekend.

‘Why would I care?’, you’re probably asking yourself between delicate sips of Cristal. Well, for starters, just look! In Josip Mikulic shorts! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No. It’s his… well, you know darn well what it is.

Just take a moment and savour this, friends. The world of football doesn’t bestow gifts like this very often.

Carlos Tevez: Over & Out?

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Something on your mind, Carlos? Original images: REUTERS/Stringer.

Well, didn’t this just get interesting?

For those of you who weren’t attempting to break the world record for nacho consumption during a football match, some ‘confusion’ took place on the bench during Manchester City’s 2-0 defeat to Bayern Munich last night.

It has been claimed that Carlos Tevez, who made it clear in the summer that his long term plans don’t involve being anywhere near Manchester, refused to warm-up when instructed to do so by boss Roberto Mancini, resulting in Mancini being forced to sub Sami Nasri with James Milner instead.

Tevez claims, in a statement released this morning, that he will not get into the specifics of why he didn’t play, but he was warmed up and ready. For his part, Mancini has stated that Tevez is ‘finished’ at City.

Should he stay or should he go, Kickettes? We’ll forward your responses to Mr Mancini, who we’re sure will be delighted to read and respond to each one personally.

Golden Rule: Stop, Stare & Delete

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First spotted on ONTD_FB.

Giovani dos Santos appears to be from the same moral fiber as Ashley Cole, y’all. How interesting.

A cautionary piece of counsel if we may, Kickettes. Never – and we mean ever – should anyone be in the presence of alcohol if their mobile devices are in possession of nude self-portaits.

If any of you here before us today should choose to disobey this rule, don’t say we didn’t warn you about the intrusive yellow scaredy-faced emoticon coming to covet your private bits.