What began as a reported robbery over the weekend involving the Mexico U22 team has quickly escalated into a salacious sex scandal for the Mexican Football Federation, y’all. Or, another way of looking at it: a juicy way to begin this Tuesday!
Following the team’s friendly in Quito, a few players took stock of some precious baubles that unexpectedly vanished from their rooms. In a state of panic, they and the team raised the issue with the hotel, which promptly put their entire staff in question. The hotel finally got a break in their investigation after they (finally) checked the security cameras. Knowing what we already know about this story, we imagine reactions to the tapes included snickering, sneering and a few face palms. Good times.
Are you a River Plate fan? Does the thought of watching your team be relegated to your country’s second division for the first time in their 110 year history still make you incredibly sad?
Why not articulate your pain by throwing objects at your own players after the decisive 1-1 relegation play-off draw against Belgrano, invading the pitch, then starting a riot outside the stadium of such severity that police are forced to employ water cannons to break it up and at least twenty-five of their number end up in hospital?
Er, gents? There’s such a thing as an emotional spectrum. The world would be a lot more sympathetic to your plight if you just cried like your players did.
We haven’t asked, but we doubt Ryan will be thrilled to find his name is being used as a parent deterrent. Images: Getty Images/Daylife, Reuters/Daylife
Our long-term aim to ruin our language by forcing the Oxford English Dictionary to accept terms like short-tent in their weighty tome is newly invigorated, Kickettes! And by none other than Christine Bleakley’s mum! Yes, Mina did her bit for the proposed collapse of coherant communication when she made a statement this week that she is pleased her daughter will be marrying Frank Lampard because ‘he’s no Giggs’.
This got us thinking.
We realise this might be embarrassing for you, Roberto, but you have no idea of the joy and merriment you about to unleash in the ranks of the Kickette Army. For that you should be proud. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Morning, Kickettes. This is Chilean midfielder Roberto Cereceda. Would you like to see his bottom?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Alex McLeish’s hopes of a ‘Freedom of the City of Birmingham’ award sailing off into the distance. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio,
Years of vicarious experience has taught us that getting dumped is crap. We feel the need to use the word ‘vicarious’ here not just because we like it, but because we’re hot bishes who never get dumped. Rather, we tend to get bored quicker than any of our ‘associates’ do, but we can totally sympathise with the emotions experienced by those who have been dumped.