'WTF Files' Category

Sergio Ramos: Mr. Green Jeans

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Image via Sergio-Ramos.org.

It takes a special kind of man to be able to wear tight, kermit jeans, Kickettes.

Sergio Ramos is that hombre.

See more pics over at ONTD Football. Steel yourself though. He’s also wearing… sandals.

Demin Disaster: Frank Lampard at Nobu

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Memo to Frank Lampard:

We supported you during the stain crisis of 08/09. (To us, support means cracking jokes and snarking.)

We celebrated your successful non-stain exits of nightclubs and restaurants.

But this? Are those jeans… acid wash? Your delectable, gigantic thighs ‘o glory deserve better than this, damn it.

Lampsy-lovers, please have a word with your boy.

QOTD: Nereida and her Devil’s Kiss

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When asked by a reporter outside the nightclub if she sent Cristiano a kiss, Nereida Gallardo responds, “Yes. A devil’s kiss.”

*Shudder.*

So it’s not enough that Whatsherface is openly stalking her ex-boyfriend in a planned attack with a camera crew, she has now decided to move into the territory commonly known as bunny boiler.

We fear this is her Britney Spears head shaving moment. Or, alternatively, it’s just psychosis.

This pap video shows that Nereida was actually inside the club with Cristiano. Whilst men made respectful gestures behind her, Cristiano ignored her. He was drinking mojitos, if you need to know.

Nereida/Britney eventually left, and waited for CR outside. Her grandmother called her cell phone (whoopsie). She texted C-Ron, giggling. This was then followed by her devil’s kiss comment.
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Rock Bottom: They Had To Hold Her Back

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WhatsherfaceSo, it’s come to this.

Nereida Gallardo was outside a nightclub in Majorca. Her ex-boyfriend, Cristiano Ronaldo approaches, unaware of what lies in wait.

She pounces, and is promptly escorted off the premises by security.

Cristiano continues to walk, never breaking stride nor acknowledging her presence.

While the shame of this moment radiates across your computer/mobile screen, let’s take a moment for some gentle reflection.

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Casting Call: Footballers for Sex and the City

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Not sure if you’ve ever heard of a little show called Sex and the City. If so, do read on. If not, you’re dead to us.

SATC is currently casting background and bit parts for the sequel to the 2008 film. They’re having open auditions in New York on Tuesday. What are they looking for?

The call is for “models, celebrity types, socialites, clubgoers, gays and lesbians, international types (Middle Eastern, Arabic, Asian, ­European, British) and professional soccer players.” Since extras don’t speak, it’s all about the look and making an instant impression.

Kickettes, we’re just going to put this out there: if we see Thierry Henry bossing around a shop assistant in Prada whilst drinking a Cosmopolitan we will be shutting down this website.

So, here’s what we want to know: forget bit parts, which footballers would you cast in the main roles of SATC?

We’ve chosen Dave Kitson as Miranda, and not just for the obvious reasons of hair hue. He’s tall and has an opinion. Kaka is obviously do-gooder Charlotte. Samantha was a tough one. Jermain Defoe and Cristiano Ronaldo were obvious options, but we’ve gone for Italian playboy Marco Borriello - he puts it out there, but we never judge him for it. In fact, we celebrate it.

Carrie was the hardest. We nearly went with Pique, Becks, Guti or even Cisse but instead have decided that fashion-loving, France-living Yoann Gourcuff is our girl.

Who would you have on your casting couch for the film?