'WTF Files' Category

Night Out: Frank Lampard at Cipriani

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Some of life’s biggest mysteries:

- What happened to the dinosaurs?

- Who killed Biggie and Tupac?

- Is the Loch Ness Monster real?

But our generation’s most compelling conundrum has to be:

- Why does Frank Lampard always have a stain on his jeans when exiting a nightclub?

Fernando Torres: A Hair Too Far

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imageLet’s have a quick update / comment on the hair choices currently being made by two of our favourite Liverpool lads.

Fernando Torres: Is this what having a new baby in the house does to your hair situ?

This is a public health outrage. Should we start some sort of campaign to help to afford Nando a night nanny? Sleep deprivation is obviously affecting his decision-making processes.

Nando-stalkers with shavers, please take care of this urgently.

Xabi Alonso: appears to have trimmed his beard.

He’s now able to fool innocent randoms into thinking he’s actually a brunette. We all know the truth.

All photos copyright the fantastic sgfreestyler.Click through to see more.

Style Off: Guti v Guti

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We know this much is true: Guti does not own a mirror. 

Since returning from a pre-season friendly in Dublin, the Real Madrid midfielder’s affection for diagonal accessorizing and whipping boy belts is bringing out our inner vodka lush. We can’t not comment. 

Of course, it’s always nice to see footballers kicking back and relaxing, but only when they are either:  1. Without a top and/or bottom and/or both; 2. Well-suited for a lads’ night (see: Frank/Rio)

Guti = definitely none of the above.

While out in Madrid on Tuesday (Alex de la Nuez concert) and Wednesday (Madonna concert) he reinforced our belief that he’s unable to distinguish himself from Ellen Degeneres. We’re convinced he’s ready to throw in the towel and accept life as a daytime American television host. 

Does he really think these outfits are the finishing touches to his newly-regained single boy swagger? All signs sadly point to yes.

His hemlines have been swallowed whole by his cross-trainers. His boy parts can be heard gasping for air. Or, maybe it’s just the collective weeping sounds from the last remaining members in the Macaulay Culkin hair society. Out of kindness, we’re not going to mention the waist-coat with chain. Just not going to do it.

The only highlight of these ensembles is that he picked solid-coloured shirts and trousers instead of designer logos and patterns.  We’re sending one back pat his way. Good Guti!

Over to you, dear readers: which is the lesser of two fashion evils: Guti or Guti?

QOTD: A Conversation with Artur Boruc

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imageArtur Boruc (to interviewer): So, what are we going to talk about now?

Interviewer: Not about football, that’s for sure.

Artur Boruc: Fine then. I don’t like talking about football.

—Artur in the latest issue of MaleMan magazine.

Righty-ho.

FYI, Boruc, who plays for Celtic, only agreed to take part in the photoshoot for the magazine after it was agreed he would be on the cover. He also held off on doing the shoot altogether until having a “consultation” with his girlfriend, Sara. (She’s the one he allegedly left his wife and newborn son for.) Sara gave it the green light and rang the magazine editor directly to let him know it was on.

Whatevs. He’s full of rage, smokes and drinks like a sailor. Now this is a football player we can get on board with.

[Thanks to ciacha.net for the tip and the translation.]

Image copyright MaleMen magazine

Roque Santa Cruz: Should We Worry?

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Worry about what, you ask?

Well, let’s start with Roque’s finger wave.

We’re all for retro hair-dos, but we prefer such looks on females. In films. Or at retro fancy dress parties. Or on female mannequins in fancy dress costume shops.

And yeah, the fabric on the shirt should have been left at the polyester yarn factory from whence it came. We’d also prefer a little less necklace action. In fact, we quite prefer Roque with nothing on his upper half whatsoever.

Why are the members of our Finest Five list trying our patience so? Roque and his Let’s Jam gel waves. Iker and his constant sniffies. Xabi and that damn beard. [Edited to add] Cesc’s faux-hawk avec Nasri highlights. (We had a mental block on that one.)

We love them. And yet, they just want to break our hearts.