'WTF Files' Category

Good Week/ Bad Week: Cuddles, Cousins and Candids

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imageGOOD WEEK

Guilt-induced cuddles
In a training session ahead of Bordeaux’s match against Lille, Yoann Gourcuff misdirected the ball, striking a child watching the game. “The shot was a real missile,“ eyewitnesses were quoted as saying by local media. “The boy was okay after Yoann cuddled him.“ No shite.

In other good news for Mr. Gourcuff, he’s making a move to our Finest 5 list later this evening. Congrats!

Good behaviour
Tabloids are making much out of David Beckham’s decision to stay at the Principe di Savoia hotel with a DVD rather than party it up with AC Milan and the usual assortment of baller skanks and skeeveroos this weekend. Nice job, Becks. But also: isn’t it even easier to get up to no good from the privacy of your own hotel suite? Not that we would know anything about that personally. Just sayin’.

Professional journalism
When a five-year-old can get Chelsea’s John Terry to reveal some insider info – and correct his grammar at the same time – it’s nothing short of brilliant. We doubt anyone from the Beeb would be able to get JT to admit that he had a teddy bear named Gordon the Gopher, or that he likes a bit of hand holding when he gets scared. In fact, if anyone knows any under sixes looking for an editing gig, send ‘em our way.

Grade A heart surgeons
Cristiano Ronaldo’s mother has opened up about her son to the press, telling them about Cristiano’s heart operation at the age of fifteen.  Link is worth clicking on just to see the seriously cute little Cris shot, and to read the male-bonding details of Cristiano’s relationship with his ex-brother-in-law.

Tissue sales
Call us soppy, but we found Frank Lampard’s candid interview about how he’s dealt with the sudden loss of his mother very moving.  Lampsy admits that last summer he was up for a transfer because he just wanted to get out of London, away from all the places that reminded him of his mom. We’re glad you stayed, Frankie!

imageBAD WEEK

Wedding planners
Pato and his girlfriend Stefany have broken up.  (After seeing the recent photos of the couple on the escalator, a body language expert might have been able to see this coming. We just thought she looked a little icy, not breaky-uppy.)

Here’s as much as we can glean from the minimal deets:  the long-distance relationship (Stefany lives in Rio) contributed to the split, Stefany turned down Pato’s offer of engagement and was also the one to end it.

Wait staff reputations
Werder Bremen’s Diego was caught drunk driving, but it is unlikely he’ll be punished formally by his club. His explanation? The waiter at the restaurant kept filling his glass and he didn’t know how much he was allowed to drink. Sounds fair. *Cough*

North London WAGs
A sports psychologist has recommended Tottenham ban WAGs if they want to see team performance rise. In particular, this is expected to help Gareth Bale’s work rate.

Initially, we were somewhat supportive of the no-distraction angle. Then we read this quote on his reasoning behind why Bale isn’t performing:  “An ancient proverb says ‘women cast an evil eye’ and this looks like its having an impact.” WTF? Kiss our evil-eye-casting bottoms, mate.

Free speech
Danielle Lloyd has had it with Chantelle Houghton and- oh, wait. Do you need a refresher on those names? Danielle’s the one who’s dated six footballers and Chantelle is the Z-list wannabe who worked and strategized her way to the top of Jermain Defoe’s weekly WAG shag list. Danielle has spoken out saying she’s had it with ballersand that Chantelle can piss off too. We give it a month before Danielle breaks and returns to her natural WAG ways.

Name dropping
Maria Hristova, the 18-year-old cousin to Manchester United’s Dimitar Berbatov’s name instead of her own in a bid to become a model.  She quit the student life (she was studying law), and signed up with an agency on the strength of her much adored cousin’s name. Berba and the family are understandably annoyed, as the Eastern European media went bananas trying to book Maria for interviews and photo shoots.

Product Shill: Fernando Torres

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Oh, why can’t we all live in Fernando Torres’s world?

It’s a world where cheesy synth music plays in earnest, assistant stylists stand frozen in awe of your presence and wig heads feature prominently as an advertising mechanism for success.

(Watch at about 12 seconds in, when a styrofoam head is pushed into the camera-line. Marketing gold, this is).

Also: Nando’s opening walk/shoulder roll to camera is killing us.

via ONTD Football


Love Mr. T? Chat to other fans in our Fernando Torres for Finest Five or Liverpool Supporters threads

 

Product Shill: Juventus for L’Oreal

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Good thing this advert isn’t cheesy, or the Juve boys would sure look silly.

Side note: Sissoko totally looks like he wants to sell us a used car.

via A…SA

Cristiano Ronaldo Crashes His Ferrari

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image via AP Photo

Yikes.

Cristiano Ronaldo has been involved in a car accident that has completely written off his Ferrari.  The crash occured on the A538 Wilmslow Road in Cheshire around 10.30 this morning. Edwin Van Der Sar was following behind in his Bentley, but wasn’t involved in any way in the accident.

Cristiano gave a negative breath test to police on the scene, which won’t be a surprise to C-Ron fans, who know he’s not the boozy type.

Considering the state of his car, it’s a miracle that he walked away completely unharmed, and was back training with Manchester United today.

Cristiano! Please drive carefully. Both the football and Kickette community needs you, mate. Who else would we mock and lust for in equal measures? Also, whatsherface would reappear and milk things for all they were worth and we’d never see the back of her.

Steven Gerrard: Arrested for Assault

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Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard got himself into a spot of bother over the weekend and ended up getting arrested.  Who knew he had it in him?  We always saw Stevie as the easy-going, “I”m above this” type of rabble rouser. But it looks like he can throw down with the best of ‘em.

A police spokesman said: “Merseyside Police is investigating an assault that took place in the early hours of Monday December 29 on Bold Street in Southport. At around 2.30am this morning officers attended a disturbance at a licensed premises on Bold Street.  Six men were arrested on suspicion of section 20 assault, on Lord Street.“

The spokesman added all six currently remained in custody.

Since we know nothing about what actually went down, we’re going to make a wild assumption and state it as fact: Steven Gerrard was out with a bunch of gobby mates who started something with the wrong waitress. Cut to massive girls against boys food fight. Restaurant manager a hardcore Everton fan. Calls police with coleslaw stinging his eyes and presses charges of assault while Gerrard gives out vicious head locks/nuggies/figure four leg locks. 

Side Note: We know violence is wrong, but the idea of Stevie bitch slapping someone into submission is strangely attractive to us.

Link: Gerrard Arrested in Assault Probe; via The Spoiler