'WTF Files' Category

Now Hiring: Premiership Shower Cleaners



image via Getty/AFP Photos

It’s been a not-so-wonderful week for Arsenal’s William Gallas.  He started with a bizarre attack on an anonymous twenty-five-year-old teammate for being immature and not putting the team first.  Which was a bit, well…immature.  (We, of course, are above speculating on the guilty party he was talking about.  But apparently, Gallas identifies said player as “S”.)

Anyhoo, the rant result is that Gallas as Arsenal captain is no more.  But is this news? Not when there are other, much more interesting bits of info on offer:

Middlesbrough FC’s Holiday Card is… Festive



Image via the dailymail/ Middlesbrough FC

Frankly, we’ve been rendered speechless by this festive seasonal image of insanity. Is this meant to be ironic? It’s like a Hamley’s window designed by Liberace-inspired elves on crack.  It’s fantabulously awful, and we love it.

Link: Footballers in Fancy Dress


Freddie Sears: A Footie Sock Too Far



ZUMAPRESS/KEYSTONE Press for Kickette.com

What the hell is this?

We’re all for supporting the youth of today, especially the hot youngins frequenting the pitch full of energy and puppy like behaviour. But this? We simply cannot accept.

Base layers are evil. We all know and accept this fact. Some of us dedicate our lives to the eradication of these ab-blocking, thigh-concealing monstrosities.  And now to see West Ham’s Freddie Sears take footie socks to thigh high level with the aim of covering every available inch of bare skin?

How could he so blatantly disregard our feelings and dreams (and dreams with feelings) like that?

Pray for his soul, Kickettes.  Let’s hope this disturbing sock shift doesn’t become a trend.

Boudewijn Zenden: Non-Posealicious



We’ve had our experiences with terrible footie photoshoots in the past, and now we have a further freakshow to add to our collection.

imageHere’s former Chelsea and Liverpool player, Boudewijn Zenden, with his wife Clio. 

They’re in love and like to express themselves through the art of photography, minimal clothing and faketastic poses.  Zenden, who now plays for Marseille, says he and his honey are totally bringing the glam to Ligue 1. Of course you are, BZ.

Here’s what we want to know: whose idea is it to do these damn shoots? One would assume these decisions are wife-led, but none of these ballers seem the slightest bit uncomfortable about putting on their supermodel-work face and posing like it’s the last Westlife video shoot they’ll ever be a part of.

The only pictorial of this nature that we can vouch as legitimately sizzling – and one that still gives us the quivers – is the legendary Vogue shoot with the Beckhams.  That’s how it’s done, good people.

Link: Zenden and His Wife Bring the Sexy

Gooch and a Gal
WAG Watch: Adriana Karembeu

Baller Beauty: Chemical Peels and Bird Poo


Sad proof has been circulating of late that the footie players we know and lust for don’t come naturally buffed, puffed and polished. They have to work for it, dear readers.

imageChelsea’s Joe Cole was spotted coming out of a spa on the Kings Road in London after having the super luxe Ole Henriksen Purifying Facial. 

It costs about £85 and includes a glycolic acid peel to help with exfoliation and to make skin glow. Come to think of it, Joey has been looking rather radiant of late, no?

Also, David and Victoria Beckham are apparently hooked on a “bird poo” facial that Victoria cottoned on to whilst in Japan.

We happen to know of a salon in London (Hari’s, in Brompton Cross), that does this er, creative, treatment and we can tell you that the bird in question is a nightingale. That’s all we’ll say on the matter.