'WTF Files' Category

WTF Files: Posh’s Non-Heeled Heels

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If a stiletto is missing its actual ‘stiletto’, is it still a high heel? Also, why do these exist? These are the key question we are asking ourselves after reading the news that Victoria Beckham has shelled out for a pair of the £1,800 snakeskin Antonio Berardi 5 1/2 inch platforms we saw (and mocked) on the Spring/Summer 2008 catwalks last fall.

Listen up, fashion-minded Kickettes: These are the clodhoppers you are meant to be wearing if you have money to burn and style that knows no bounds. Best to purchase several pairs, as surely members of the peasant class and the general public will wrench them from your toddling tootsies and scarper off down the streets cackling over their luck at nicking such a wondrous item of shoe-booty.

We also suggest you warm up your feet by rocking stilts to the gym for about three to four weeks prior to wear.

Lady Becks may be the first reported WAG to purchase, but anyone want to place bets on the first footie wife to debut a pair? Our money is on Alex Curran-Gerrard – what with Ascot, Aintree and the stack of summer weddings scheduled this year, it’s only a matter of time.

WTF Files: Carly Zucker’s Barnet

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We do try to be understanding of a woman’s right to be creatively low-low with their hair. Honest.

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But when said ‘creativity’ stretches on for months, nay, years at a time, one begins to lose patience and become rather pissy about the entire situation.

Case in point: Carly Zucker and her continuing, ongoing routine of terrible hair.  We’ve discussed this many times previous – is it a sexy bedhead look she’s after? Is she so low-maintenance she ‘forgets’ to brush it? Is her schedule too jam-packed with sourcing belly-shirts, running 80 miles on the treadmill and organizing her upcoming nuptials to bother with trivial matters such as hair conditioner?  Perhaps.

But for all the ‘she’s a natural gal/anti-WAG/isn’t bothered by looking flash’ Carly crazies who email us, let us point out the jumper, bag and jacket she’s sporting after lunch with fiance Joe Cole a few days ago.  Seems rather WAGalicious to us.  Yet, the hair remains.

Click through for further evidence and discussion. We never thought we would be defeated by a hairstyle, but truly, Kickettes, we just can’t deal.

Here’s Carly at Heathrow rocking a lovely hair doo inspired by crackheads and bird homes. When she spotted the paparazzi, Carly quickly hit the toilets to fix up. 

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Can you tell which is the pre hair fix and which is the post fix? We sure as hell can’t.

images: Matrix

WTF Files: DB’s Socks with Sandals

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WTF Files: Frank Lampard’s Jeans

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Frank Lampard was out at London hot spot Mahiki last night drinking and macking with his cousin Jamie Redknapp.  The two were reportedly quite well behaved and settled their four-figure bar bill with ease before heading off home.  However, once outside, Frank was approached by a random chick who made a beeline for his crotch.

Frank then found himself in his second sticky situation as he stepped outside into the clutches of a mystery woman.

“She walked straight into him,” an onlooker said. “But it was strange, her hand went for his crotch. Frank seemed keen to get away.”

Was she an image consultant desperate to hide the denim disaster?  A crazed fan just looking to get her lonely Tuesday night grope on?  A bit of both? 

More importantly, are these stains on the jeans a result of a drink being spilt? That’s the general speculation, but we’re concerned they’re a style statement. Lest we forget Elen Rives’ dirty denim blitz of last month.  New trend alert, Kickettes: unwashed, embedded in dirt and covered in foreign liquids is hot for Winter 07/08.

More pics here.

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cheers S!

 

WTF Files: Cheryl Cole’s Tattoos

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We’ve been told this isn’t a new tatt, but one Cheryl Cole has had under wraps for a little while.

It says, “Mrs. Cole”

We’re not going to get all feminist and ish about branding yourself with your husband’s last name.

We’re not even going to go there about the potential laser removal costs and/or agony.

Nor will we make any observations on the location – one also favoured by Victoria Beckham, but that we have yet to be convinced is the classiest spot for a tatt.

Your feeling on romance-tatts, Kickettes? Anyone out there sporting several in Crouchie’s honour needs to speak up now.