Few moments in our history are as big as this. Cristiano becoming a baby daddy. The Iker beard-shaving incident. Victoria Beckham wearing flat shoes.
So, let’s just state the obvious: our beloved bottle blond, Fernando Torres, has touched up his manlights. Leo Bancroft, the man who we assume is responsible for this, debuted the fresh dye job (plus bangs?!) via Twitter earlier today – and let’s just say we’re numbing the pain with cake/mainlining margaritas.
While Fernando appears to be pleased with his new ‘do, we want to know what you think: Is FT looking more fabulous or fug than ever, Kickettes?
We know what you’re thinking. It’s something along the lines of, “Here’s Mario Balotelli looking ridiculous wearing a Little Italy novelty shop t-shirt and drop crotch sweatpants to enjoy a fine lunch time meal at Manchester’s Panacea restaurant.”
While that is a true statement, we’re actually thinking something else. We recently stumbled upon the newest craze in outdoor dining attire and it looks as though Mario has as well.
Picnic pants, Kickettes. They’re the dining garment of the future and being the resourceful, trendsetting, forward-thinking gent that he his, Mario is one step ahead of us all.
And may we remind you, this is Britain’s second best dressed man.
The idea of being spoon-fed fruit by a loving Alex Pato is not one that appeals to us in any way, so absolutely no hissy-fits, wailing and sounds of hip-flasks being hastily located and opened were heard when we saw this image.
Oh, we’re all going to hell anyway, so why would one more huge lie matter?
Ever Banega in happier automotive times. Images: vcfcentral.com, JOSE JORDAN/AFP/Getty Images, AP Photo/Roberto Pfeil.
From attempting to leave the gas station while the car is still being filled to an ice skating mission on a frozen but ultimately not frozen enough pond, we’re heavy contributors to the pantheon of dumb.
In recent weeks, though, our moronic moves have been surpassed by Ever Banega (of Valencia) and Kevin Pezzoni’s (FC Köln) own embarrassing blunders. Check them out while we nip back to the drawing board.
Yup, this is where we send the Kellys when they’re getting a little ‘too’ excited, Kickettes. They get their shots here before we realease them back into the community. Image via sueperkins twitter.
This week’s best and worst off pitch exploits is finally at your service, Kickettes.