February 22nd, 2012

Champions League Observations, Part I: We’ve Got Questions That Need Answers

England national team jeans stained cutie Fat Frank

Three unexpected bottoms were planted on the Chelsea bench for last night’s game vs. Napoli. We smell conspiracy, although it very well could’ve been cake fumes. Images: SkySports.com.

It’s a little early in the Champions League knockout stages to start changing up our posting tactics, but then it’s a little early for all the EPL clubs to be knocked out, and that seems to be on the cards after last night’s games.

La Liga team in Champions League knockout1. Who gives better man hugs: CSKA Moscow or Real Madrid?
Obviously, Real Madrid (left) had this in the bag. Then we saw this video of a renegade mascot hugging the life out of Ezequiel Lavezzi (a mini-case study in what cheesy tattoos do to a hot body?) and Walter Gargano and we were swayed enough to call it a tie.

We’ve got our eye on that kid. We may send him stripes.

2. Is it wrong for us to be watching a game and doing jumpy claps every time there’s an injury to a Chelsea player because Eva C gets a run out?
Actually, you know what? Since Eva Carneiro has already been (humorously) linked to Chelsea’s poor form this season, we reckon she needs all the props she can get.

Drogba hairnet Hugo Campagnaro collision head injury bandage pointed toe feminine soccer kick3. Is conduct like this ever appropriate on a football pitch?
The traditional bandage, though horrifying, can be tolerated. This hairnet with built-in chinstrap? Not so much. If this is what FIFA consider acceptable for keeping someone’s brain in their skull after a head injury, then we’ll be convinced they’re actively trying to drive our demographic from the game. Yes, we take this stuff very personally.

Image: Paolo Bruno/Getty Images.

4. Gary Neville’s punditry skillz…..? Discuss.
Many of you non-UK Kickettes will not have had the pleasure of seeing Red Nev’s heavily made-up phizog spread across their Sky footie coverage. Our UK correspondent has confirmed from the depths of her nacho stained sofa that, on occasion, the ex-Manchester United defender is a pretty good pundit, using his experience to bring a different perspective to proceedings. She’s unreliable at best though.

Have you seen Gary in action? What do you think?

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We pose all these questions in the spirit of competitiveness and good sportsmanship. Please don’t spoil a decent game by throwing pizza at each other in the tunnel.

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26 Responses to “Champions League Observations, Part I: We’ve Got Questions That Need Answers”

  1. Catie2838 says:

    1. Madrid for the hugging win! Although half of that was probably to use body heat to the best advantage (look how much more snuggled up they are. awwww).

    2. I don't really like Chelsea and yet they're making me sad :( . It doesn't help that the king of Chelsea sad-faces is Nando. He's like an injured baby bird. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Eva is their beacon of light in all this mess. If they fall down and get hurt they get to see her :) . I want her job.

    3. Nothing freaks me out more than when people play with stuff wrapped around their head. It makes me want to reach through the TV and forcibly sit them on a bench, or send them to get a cat-scan.

    4. Sadly I live in the U.S. and have not heard :. But, in my opinion, the sports world is always in need of pundits with decent commentary skills. The majority of them, across all sports, tend to be irritating.

  2. littlegreenpea says:

    HONDA!! I love his blond hair… :)
    Like I said, team doctor is a GREAT job. Kickette should offer a training course so we can all qualify for this. ;)

  3. up-the-lads says:

    The RedNev is a commentating gem! I'm a see-er and an appreciator.

  4. Danielle says:

    You look good there Lamps, good for you and good for us girls. Keep up the good work.

  5. DebS says:

    Kudos to the kid that turned and hugged Lavezzi & Gargano before heading off the field. The guys chuckling about it afterwards was cute too.

    About the bandage, looks ridiculous but it seemed to hold the bandage in place. The only thing that I didn't like was that it seemed to obscure the blood that continued to seep out of the bandage and run down his face. I thought the players had to leave the field if that happened? Fair play to him though. He stayed on the pitched and didn't shy away from heading the ball afterwards.

    Gutted for AVB. I suspect that Lampard & Cole may be two of the culprits behind the "mutiny" as the announcers called it. If that's true, then I don't blame AVB for not playing them. Seems to be a bit like Tevez's behavior although at least these 2 went in when the coach called on them.

  6. JaneSpotting says:

    Arbeloa refuses to wear long sleeves…, I only wish he'd refuse to wear any clothes at all.

  7. Miss Lampard says:

    André Villas-Boas our problem. Dear God please turn him in our angel, the one who has to grip us tight and rise from perdition. One word: Disappointed (a huge sense of disappointment), frustrated and angry, I'm gonna explode, really.

    • IrishBlue says:

      I think most of us kinda knew Napoli were gonna thrash us before the game even began.

      Im sick of thinking negatively, it may seem like the longest blip in the history of blips but I still love them dearly, forever a Blue!

  8. Jayy says:

    Kickette – your answer to Gary Neville as a pundit (brace yourselves):
    THE MAN CANNOT COMMENTATE TO SAVE HIS LIFE. He is ALWAYS on sky sports, whether it is live commentary or match analysis and hid god-awful demonstrations of how to tackle on Monday Night Football is an abomination.
    The only good thing I can say is he once complimented Steven Gerrard for having "great legs." As an LFC girl, I was mildly happy with this and decided to take it as a innuendo laden comment.
    Some of the stuff the man comes out with is ridiculous and next to dishy Jamie Redknapp during match analysis….lets just say that its like seeing a a beautiful flawless high clarity, rare diamond ring next to well…a boulder. I'll let you guys decide who is the diamond and who is the boulder.
    Part of me thought I could get used to his nasalated voice and lets just say I lose the will to live when hear his voice.

  9. Kristina says:

    RM had the better group-hug, imo. I guess they needed to comfort eachother since they were up against my brutal countryman Pontus Wernbloom. I didn't even know he played for CSKA Moscow, but then I read in Swedish media that he was starting against RM. RM is his favourite team, but it didn't stop him from saying that he would try to take Ronaldo down. You see he is very different that guy. He never makes excuses for his dirty play. He was actually surprised that he was allowed to stay on the field since he " played on the verge of what is acceptable". And that's his own words! I absolutely do not like his brutal ways, but I have never heard anyone so open with it. Pepe and de Jong would never admit anything like that. It's fascinating.

    And yes, Eva C is so cool! The way she took care of Mata…I want to be her!

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      He said so? jaja! Well, I personally thought the game was ok on the physical side, little bit aggressive, but I see we can take it ( it is not that Jose didn't complain about it of course he will!!, it is Jose *facepalm*)/ Benzi get injured due to the weather though that's painful.
      Speaking of Pepe, he said he is trying to fight for RM ( I am sure in his twisted way he is), I don't want defend Pepe ( it is impossible to do so anyway!),

      • Kristina says:

        Yes, Jose had some things to say about Pontus, but he did play rough. I don't condone with Pontus behaviour but as I said he is unbelievably open with his intentions. I wonder how CSKA will handle the Bernabeu? I don't think they stand a chance, but I hope they (Pontus) won't hurt anyone.

        • Sarah, Madrid says:

          I hope they don't either, but it is UCL, honestly anything could happen..Anyway there is something awfully off about this year UCL, no?!, I cant put my hands on it

          • Kristina says:

            Perhaps it's about the English teams not performing as well as they usually do? No, I think it's a good competition so far. The teams are really putting in an effort. I'm thinking about the Italian ones in particular. I wouldn't be surprised if Milan went all the way this year. Barca and RM are also two of the strongest candidates. As I said, CSKA stood up well against RM in Moscow, but in the long run they don't have much hope. Not in the Bernabeu.

            • Sarah, Madrid u says:

              Not about English teams, the football played so far have been boring most of it ( including my team) I will wait for the return legs

  10. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Real Madrid man hug will always be my favourite, being in the middle of Higuain (his booty will be there, how many of you don't want to touch his booty), Ozil, Cris, Arbeloa, Ramos, Alonso…etc do I need to say no more, oh god (off to day dreaming)

    I get Alvaro decision in not wearing long sleeve jersey ( he said so, he will never wear it), but SAMI's in that freezing weather, how?! Spartans..about result last minute goal hurt, but I am fine with it, really nothing much said about 1-1

    • Kat22 says:

      He is very brave for wearing short sleeves! I saw a short clip of them training on Sky Sports and The Special One was wrapped up beyond recognition, lol.

      • Sarah, Madrid says:

        yeah jajaja!! zidane was too, then you see these 2 in short sleeve it is really admirable looking at their teammates in gloves, tights..etc impressive

    • DebS says:

      Noticed the short sleeves too. I think Xabi also had short sleeves too, no? Seriously guys…take a hint. When ALL of the Moscow team has long sleeves and several had gloves, why on earth do you have short sleeves on?! NFL players do it here in Chicago too where the temps are below zero F sometimes. Guess it's supposed to make them look more manly? smh

      My vote on the man hug goes to Madrid….hands down.

  11. zoraida says:

    first of all, i love your questions!

    now..
    1. CSKA's players hug more naturally, more spontaneously, whereas the ''spanish armada'' seems to be… showing off a bit. i don't like their manhugs.
    2. not wrong at all. we gotta stand up for eachother ladiezz
    3. never
    4. no idea. thank god im not in th uk. i can't stand the guy. i hated him as a player and im sure i'll hate him as a footie pundit as well

    • mata says:

      Loved your answers! As to that head bandage with the strap around the neck, it actually looked dangerous to me, wasn't that the justification for banning the snood? I have had the displeasure of hearing Neville as a pundit 3 times and can assure you that he is quite possibly one of the worst ever, boring and obnoxious and he has an irritating voice as well, I know nothing about him as a player but a cringe-worthy pundit if ever there was one.

  12. Kat22 says:

    Not a Chelsea supporter, but can't help feeling sorry for AVB. He looked positively distraught after last night's game. I just hope Roman Abramovich gives him a bit more time to prove himself. Looks like he has a major task on his hands. For what it's worth, I think whether or not the players agree with all his decisions, they should still honour the shirt they're playing in and put on a proper shift on the pitch, especially when you consider how much money they get paid. Just my opinion of course.

    Although I normally dislike everything United (no offence to supporting Kickettes), I love Gary Neville as a pundit! He's so witty as well.

    Oh, and finally – didn't see the Madrid game, but love the pic of the manhug! Two thumbs up. :-)

    • Kat22 says:

      Sorry, just realised I didn't answer the questions properly.

      1. I'd have to say Real Madrid, because their hug seems so much tighter… :-D

      2. Not at all. I like her. Seems as though she has her hands full at Chelsea. Makes you wonder how many
      players actually fake an injury because they want her to touch them. :-)

      3. I actually think it's extremely dangerous. What about 'Talk and Die Syndrome'???

      4. Like I said, don't like Utd, but love Gary Neville as a pundit.