March 29th, 2012

Champions League Observations, Pt II: Alternative Views Of The Obvious

The quiff. The casually knotted tie. The hand-in-pocket insouciance. For us, the only way this picture could be any better is if Super Mario Gomez was naked.

Care to explore that theory further, Kickettes?

Marseille 0-2 Bayern Munich

1. Is Mario Gomez wasted as a footballer? Obviously he’s tremendously talented in that particular field, what with the outrageous scoring record he added to last night, but this photo of him casually side-eyeing planes at Franz Joseph Strauss Airport in Munich reminds us that he has other skillz worthy of exploitation. Perhaps a series of movie roles involving excessive nudity would be more fulfilling? For us, at least.

2. If we assume this tie is over (not unreasonable, on the basis of Bayern’s ridic scoring record at the Allianz this season), does it spell the end of Didier Deschamps’ tenure at Marseille? The game last night began with fan protests over the team’s performances in domestic competitions, and their upcoming exit from Europe isn’t going to ease the pressure any. Deschamps’ has described the second leg as “very complicated“. That’s one way of putting it.


AC Milan 0-0 Barcelona

Images: OLIVIER MORIN/AFP/Getty Images, via dirtytackle.

1. As you know, we operate an “it’s your body, we don’t care what the hell you do with it as long as you’re hot” policy here, but this picture perturbs us. Zlats tatts, while not unpleasant, distract us from the perfection that is his torso, and got us wondering whether we’d ever consider rejecting a baller on the basis of his skin doodlings.  Since we’re practically incapable of making any kind of non-muffin related decision at this time of the morning, you tell us.

2. Would organised fans with arrows have improved last night’s game? Clearly a 0-0 draw makes for a thrilling second leg, but we were largely bored throughout the fixture and feel strongly that if the Milan Massive had been a little more creative in their support, those of us in a semi-comatose state on the sofa would’ve benefited.

Thank you to Magdeburg of the Regionalliga Nord (4th tier of German football), whose proactive response to their team’s inability to score kept us occupied. There’s a video here, for those of you who fancy a laugh.


That should keep you busy for a few minutes while we get on with our busywork. Counting blueberries.


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27 Responses to “Champions League Observations, Pt II: Alternative Views Of The Obvious”

  1. camille says:

    looks like a model!!!!

  2. Bella says:

    Oops, sorry, missed Part 1 of the report! I was that distracted by photo #2 ;-)

  3. Bella says:

    Where is Mario Gomez naked? That's Dani and Robinho alongside Ibra. Which brings me to the question, who cares about Ibra's tattoos when those two perfectly packed torsos are what really stand out in that photo. (Was Mario in the video, can't watch on this computer).

  4. Ali says:

    Any other baller would be rejected by me, but not Ibra. I couldn't care less for his tattoos: his nipples, and torso, and butt, and thighs and everything else do it for me. And, no offense: he seems to have a large "talent" beyond the football skills… *sigh*

  5. Loninha - Brasil says:

    I wonder if there will come a day when the Super Mario Gomez will say I love you I want to marry me? Chor a lot of crying and emotion!

  6. Carvivlie says:

    I can't remember the last time I've seen Mario look this good. He finally has his hair under control…damn he's hot!

  7. Mee says:

    Barcelona is saying that the reason they did not win was because of the conidtion of the grass on the field….

    • Kristina says:

      Barcelona is saying that Milan did not live up to a mutual agreement. Milan agreed to water the pitch one hour before the game. And in halftime. They didn't. Now, I didn't know about this when I watched the game (of course not), and I'm not an expert on lawns, but I actually told the guy I was watching the game with that the pitch looked like a band of horses had paraded on it. It was strange to me. It's a fact that the pitch was bad. I think you are allowed to point out that an agreement has been broken. No?

      • DebS says:

        From what the commentators were saying, it seemed the problem with the pitch was that it was too soft/soggy. Perhaps that's why the opted not to water?

        • Kristina says:

          Well, I don't know anymore. Barca filed a complaint about the condition of the pitch, it doesn't say if it was too dry or too wet. But I can say it was in a terrible shape. I often hear Barca talk about how important the surface of the pitch is for their play. I don't remember which game it was when the other team actually didn't cut the grass in order to slow the Barca players down. You can do that, or you can try to play football you know.

          • Rossanera says:

            The pitch at the San Siro is a mess, I'm not going to dispute that. BUT I feel that, mutual agreement aside, this whole debacle is really indicative of the sense of arrogance and entitlement that people criticize Barca for. The pitch is important to your style of play? Fine. But a truly talented team can play well anywhere, anytime, and adapt to the circumstances at hand. It just comes off as whiny … especially given that they didn't complain when things went well for them in the group stages at the San Siro, you know?

            • Kristina says:

              That's exactly what they did, according to Pep, adjust to the conditions. Maybe thats arrogant of him I don't know. It probably was because he's from Barca. But 1: there was an agreement, 2: to try to sabotage the other teams play by not trimming their pitch is a bit pathetic, 3: it's not arrogant to claim that the surface of the pitch is important to a certain style of play, it's more of a fact really, 4: that Barca didn't win, despite being favorites, lies in the fact that they where up against MILAN! You, of all people, should understand that. It didn't help that the pitch was a potato field, but that wasn't the main reason and NOONE has claimed that.

            • Sam says:

              I think the main reason for Barca's concern is the risk of injuries on a badly prepared pitch. But of course, the Tiki-Taka is best performed on a duly watered and cut pitch. I don't think any of these two statements entails arrogance, though. I think that the term is thrown around so often, especially when it comes to Barca, that it almost has lost it's meaning. It is a very effective way of nullifying anything a Barca player, -coach or -fan says. There is simply no way of defending oneself after you have gotten the A-word thrown in your face.

              Barca has played on bad pitches before. Often they have won, sometimes they have not. But they have adapted. Nevertheless, due to the risk of injuries it is something that needs to be avoided. If I recall correctly, Arsenal had something some things to say about it as well after visiting San Siro. Or am I just being an arrogant Barca fan now?

        • Naomi says:

          Milan have stated that they didn't water the pitch because it was too humid to water and UEFA officials allowed it.…

    • Melaniee. says:

      Also its common knowledge that the San Siro pitch is just awful.
      AC Milan fans will even tell you that.

      • Rossanera says:

        It is. Apparently talks are ongoing with Inter as to a "solution." I still think that complaining about the pitch is kind of petty, though (unless there really was this mutual agreement in place that's discussed below.)

    • Jenni says:

      Pitch was atrocious against Arsenal as well. Having a chopped up pitch (or a small one or a big one) increases home advantage.

  8. Kristina says:

    I didn't get to see any of the Marseille – Bayern game, but I hope to catch it later.

    When it comes to Milan – Barca I'm not at all surprised it was a draw. I don't agree it was boring, I was enjoying the game. Barca was pressuring but Milan was fearsome in the counterattacks. For crissake, it's Milan and Barca! Just really nervous about the second leg. But when you think about what happened when Arsenal and Milan fought it off, with Arsenal almost pulling through in the return leg, I think Barca has a good chance. At least they'll have a decent pitch ;) .

    • DebS says:

      I agree about the match. I thought it was good too. Kudos to Milan for their tenacious defense. Barca did threaten a lot but Milan's defense really stepped up, along with several big uncharacteristic misses on Barca's part.

      • Rossanera says:

        I still am not over that epic save by Antonini in the 87th minute. I will never speak ill of Luca again.

  9. rossanera says:

    Milan's support wasn't creative? Did you miss the giant Pacman-themed display before the game?

  10. mata says:

    Mario Gomez naked. What more needs to be said?