April 5th, 2012
Champions League Observations, Pt. II: Heading Into The Semi-finals Stretch
No more messing about, Kickettes. We know who’s in the semi-finals now, so the tough, probing questions are coming to us thick and fast.
A bit like a Kickette staffer during cocktail hour.
Keep running Angel. Before Urko crushes you between his thighs. On reflection, that’s not an entirely unpleasant thought. Image: PIERRE-PHILIPPE MARCOU/AFP/Getty Images.
Is Cristiano Ronaldo the footballing equivalent of Samantha Brick? If you yet to come across the topic which is confounding everyone in the UK from our staff to Gary Neville, familiarise yourself here first.
Then ponder: are Crispy’s skills not treated with the same respect and admiration that certain other players enjoy because of his blinding prettiness and penchant for posing? Would he be better off restraining the theatrics and keeping his pants in their rightful place? Or is it all just part of his particular brand of CR7 that everyone should grow to love (if they don’t already)?
Image taken 29.04.2010.
Images: GLYN KIRK/AFP/Getty Images; Warren Little/Getty Images.
We realise that posting a photo of Fernando’s new hair without warning was unfair. Your comments suggest it gave you one hell of a shock. So we’d like to offer you the opportunity to reconsider your initial response in a safe, comfortable space. Among friends.
Has PTSD set in? Or now that you’ve seen that the buttery blond hue isn’t quite as terrifying against a green backdrop as you initially thought, might you survive the trauma?
Answer carefully. We’d hate for you to have a relapse.
Special Bonus Vaguely Football Related (But Not Really) Question
When we get this far into a cup competition, it’s virtually impossible for us to consider anything other who’s going to face who in the final. So please, pay no attention to our shallow outlook and lack of commitment to the cold, hard facts of the situation.
Who do you want? You Bayern fans might not even care who your boys face if you beat Madrid, simply because of the decent advantage afforded by the tie taking place on your home turf. But what if you don’t? The alternatives are thrilling and terrifying in equal measure:
1. There’s the Mourinho based final, featuring his current team Madrid vs. his recently troubled ex-team Chelsea, which would afford the Special One a tidy little opportunity to slam home a point to Roman;
2. Or there’s the Mourinho based final, featuring Real Madrid vs. their old foes from home, Barcelona. This would afford Mou the opportunity to claim bragging rights for the rest of his management career if Madrid win, and blame everyone from the head of FIFA to the ballboys if they lose.
If you find expressing a preference for either of those scenarios tough, just tell us which you hate least. That may be easier.