April 6th, 2011

Champions League Results, Part I: When Harry Met Jose & Other Stories

Ooh, sex-face! Image: Getty Images/Daylife

As all good Kickette Soldier Girls and Boys know, inconsistency is the key to our success. Yes, having just re-organised the Midweek Results to maximise your information gathering potential, we are now (albeit temporarily) moving the goalposts again. While the Champions League fixtures are offering such wild excitement and intrigue, we will be running the results post over two days.

Tomorrow, you can expect an in-depth examination of Manchester United vs. Chelsea and Barcelona vs. Shakhtar Donetsk. Today, we are pleased to offer full(ish) analysis of Real Madrid vs. Spurs and Inter Milan vs. Schalke 04.

We know. Even we’re surprised at the level of efficiency stalking our corridors. It must be the new espresso.

Real Madrid 4-0 Tottenham Hotspur

Er… Marcelo? That isn’t very sportsmanlike, is it? Image: Reuters/Daylife

It didn’t start well. Seconds before Spurs emerged from the tunnel into one of the most intimidating arenas in global football, news broke that Aaron Lennon had withdrawn from the starting eleven, apparently complaining of a stomach bug. To be fair, we would imagine that most people would be suffering from a similar complaint in such circumstances, but the late line up change clearly rattled his side, who barely touched the ball in the opening exchanges.

It didn’t help that Real were in a bullish mood, intent on tying up the result before the return leg at White Hart Lane. They maintained possession with crisp training match passes and Cristiano Ronaldo tested Heurelo Gomes with a couple of audacious shots from well outside the penalty area. Their first goal, scored by the newly crowned Ab-King Emmanual Adebayor, came after just four minutes.

Peter Crouch apparently felt that the only way his side were going to get back into the tie was through resilience in overcoming adversity, so added a bit of his own (above). This is the only (polite) explanation we can come up with to justify the two tackles that  earned him two yellow cards within the first fifteen minutes. Down to ten men, his teammates did a remarkable defensive job for the rest of the first half, but the result was an inevitability.

Another goal from Adebayor, and two fabulous strikes from Angel Di Maria and Cristiano late in the game sealed the home win. Real travel to London next week, but unless Harry Redknapp can conjure up a comeback of historical proportions, Jose Mourinho’s pretties are certain to be in the semis for the first time since 2003.

Image: AP Photos/Daylife

Inter Milan 2-5 Schalke 04

No. We couldn’t quite believe it, either. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

Circumstances may have ensured that the Real Madrid vs. Spurs result was a formality, but Schalke’s dominance over last year’s winners in this fixture certainly wasn’t. Indeed, the German side were a goal down within a minute of kickoff and most Kickette minds, usually monitoring on-pitch events with a military precision (ahem) had begun to wander to thoughts of internet shoe shopping.

It just shows you, doesn’t it? Dejan Stankovic’s cheeky volley was cancelled out by Joel Matip’s tap in on seventeen minutes, but Inter regained the lead after half an hour via another volley, this time from the boot of Diego Milito. Before we could even think of turning our attentions back to a cheeky footwear fix, Schalke came from behind again, Edu scoring from a Julio Cesar parry.

With two away goals in the bag, the hard work was done for Schalke, but they clearly had more in their locker and took the tie beyond doubt with three unanswered goals in the second half. Raul (whose sex face played a big part in re-engaging us to the game), Edu’s second and a flappy own goal from Andrea Ranocchia contributed to the rout and Schalke’s unlikely heroes wake this morning to an almost certain semi against either Manchester United or Chelsea.

Image: Getty Images/Daylife

Which tie grabbed your attention, Kickettes? As if we need to ask…

Related Posts with Thumbnails

71 Responses to “Champions League Results, Part I: When Harry Met Jose & Other Stories”

  1. I can't stop looking at his stomach in that last one. Just…wow. This post should have come with a warning: Cold shower required after viewing!

  2. pellet mills says:

    So it would be kinda nice if this actually worked!

  3. , I again transferred that exact same file and got a true WYSIWYG capability without having to go hunting for every single formatting command. Interestingly enough

  4. Dry Fruits says:

    Dependant upon how much effort and time a person has might influence what options they participate in

  5. All the contents you mentioned in post is too good and can be very useful. I will keep it in mind, thanks for sharing the information, and for that person who said that Kickette shouldn't have spread the news about it I only learned of it because you mentioned it. So now there's three of us who went along with it.

  6. I really loved the post, you picked all the details i was looking for here, and nice writing style, damn i need to eat now.

  7. Beckenbauer or journalists here in Germany gave him other names, and trust me, "selfish" was nice compared to them LOL If she said "I do not want to comment on that as he is playing together with my boyfriend!"

  8. moni says:

    Hahahaha Marcelo is the best! hahahah

  9. @DebStimson says:

    I agree about Marcelo. Besides, it may have been because he was glad it wasn't him getting the yellow. Not that he deserved it but it wouldn't be the first wrong call a ref has ever made. Seriously, after what Rooney did recently, this was child's play. But, if it were any other team, it wouldn't even be an issue, imo.

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      That's the thing alot of stuff happens on the pitch that is unsporting and not called for, I am not defending Marcelo, but it happens on the pitch between the players, I guess Mourinho definitely will not play him in white heart lane because he will be booed. I will give you this as an example when one team celebrate goal when the other team is already down by 5 goals, is it this called unsporting too?! I can give you plenty of examples that I can take it as unsporting too, and yes when you score 5goals against a team and start hi5ing each other, it is called unsporting too. So, we can let this one slipp because I guess we are reading too much into it.

  10. dontaskmetosmile says:

    I'm sorry, it doesn't just "look" unsporting, it is unsporting. In sports, it's ALWAYS a competion, something is ALWAYS at stake. I understand that he was happy and relieved, I'm sure all players feel like this when their team goes a man up. But basic sporting conduct requires that you control your emotions, take the high road and hide your glee. If my memory serves me right, none of the Spanish players celebrated the way Marcelo did when Heitinga was shown his 2nd yellow in the final, and no other competition and match could be bigger than that. There really is no excuse for Marcelo's behavior in my opinion.

  11. just loved the pic of Marcelo and Crouch…hehehhe

    Hala Madrid!!! sooo happy for my guys!!!!

  12. Charlie says:

    As a Gunner, I was so annoyed by the Spuds when we lost to Barca… So much so in fact that I was a RM fan last night (I’m a Gunner and a Barca fan). I loved every moment of that match (didn’t care about the sending off)- especially Bale not touching the ball and when he did, he was bullied by The Ramos! So today I’d like to thank RM for showing those Spuds that this is the Big League!!!
    In other news: That goal by Stankovic was something else!! GO SHALKE though- what a thriller match that was!!

  13. Charlie says:

    As a Gunner, I was so annoyed by the Spuds when we lost to Barca… So much so in fact that I was a RM fan last night (I’m a Gunner and a Barca fan). I loved every moment of that match (didn’t care about the sending off)- especially Bale not touching the ball and when he did, he was bullied by The Ramos! So today I’d like to thank RM for showing those Spuds that this is the Big League!!!

  14. JA7 says:

    As a gooner, i am ultimately delighted that real madrid defeated tottenham 4-0!!!! HALA MADRID! annd schalke WAT A GAAAAAAAAAME !

  15. Zahara says:

    good stuff from madrid! so glad to see higi back, i didnt see him before

    visca barca! go get em, boys

  16. mochara says:

    Best thing about Crouchy being sent off was the look on Marcelo's face, I mean come on look at it!!!!

  17. Jen says:

    Schalke blew me away!! What a showing!! I was a little sad for Tottenham, as now there won't be an English side I like to focus on.

  18. blake2108 says:

    I hope his awful experience in Spain will make Gareth change his mind about moving abroad one day….

  19. gin_in_teacups says:

    A-friggin-mazing. Hala Madrid! I can't coherently express how awesome that match made me feel. I'm seriously proud of Adebayor. And of Sergio for successfully avoiding getting a card.

  20. Sarah, Madrid says:

    Raul is a legend. He is a class, and he is hot too, what a combination. Raul Blanco! Hats off. As, a madrid fan I will keep it simple, hard luck Spurs and Hala Madrid, the Bernabeu was electric! Loved every second.

    • xoWinnie says:

      i miss Raul at the Bernabeu :(

      • Sarah, Madrid says:

        I dont get why would anyone thumb you down for missing Captaino, weird people!

    • dontaskmetosmile says:

      Agree! So happy for him! I hope that he gets to keep his CL scoring record (since his Spain scoring record has since been broken by Daveeeeeed Villa)!

      But isn't it Raul Gonzales, though?

      • Rush says:

        Blanco is 'white' in spanish. Sarah meant Raul bleeds white (Madrid) :)

        • dontaskmetosmile says:

          I know that white in Spanish is blanco. But his full name is Raul Gonzales Blanco, so I figured she was referring to his mother's maiden name. And I've never heard of Raul being referred to as Raul Blanco in the "Raul White" or "Raul bleeds white" sense.

          • Sarah, Madrid says:

            It can go both ways refering to his name or as his nickname refering to Real Madrid.

  21. Lotte says:

    I hope for a "manita" for Harry and the Spurs in the next leg. It has been done before against RM. Or else I will have no alternative than to hope for another Clasico. I don't want that.

    I'm so on edge for the game tonight. The suspense is killing me. Visca Barca!

    • @DebStimson says:

      I was surprise to read the article on Barca's website where Pep said he had a bad feeling about the match up. But maybe that was just a way to motivate his team?

      • Lotte says:

        He never takes anything for granted. And Shaktar is a great team. Very dangerous, as they also showed. I had a bad feeling too, but look how it turned out. No offense, but Barca is simply the best :) !

  22. B&W@kickette.com says:

    poor Spurs, Kickette my fingers and toes were all cross for Spurs to stand up to Los Blancos, but it naver happned. However they still got a slim chance and a slim chance is better than no chance at all, we know that spurs can score goals at white heart lane don't cont them out yet! As for Inter holy holy holy shit who would've thought? 5-2 down at home aganist the Schak weight of Germany, again naver count a team out no mather what!

  23. Carvivlie says:

    I do hope Spurs put on a good performance next week. They deserve to regain a little bit of pride.

  24. meh says:

    bad luck spurs, but you were simply outplayed last night, no shame in that, it happens with arsenal v barca all the time LOL. But i must say its not over till its over, this coming from a gooner…

  25. D0li says:

    I'M SO HAPPY FOR MY LOS BLANCOS!!!! I was in sociology class when the game was playing (I'm in the US) but I checked hte score on my laptop through ESPN and I have the ESPN app. on my phone which texted me for every score.

    This is a great way to come out after that loss on Saturday! I hope we win the second leg and beat Barcelona, who play today. i'm kinda nervous though because if we get to the semi-finals we have a tough team to beat: either Barcelona (who I like because of Pique) or Manchester United (my second favorite team with the exception of Wayne Rooney). Cheers girls!

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      YESSSS hala Madrid Hala Madrid. What a game, I actually wanted a better game by Spurs, I have been impressed by them esp our former boy Rafi and lennon of course the special player Bale, but I wasn't :( , I truely believe Crouch sending wouldn't have make a difference to be honest, because boys were in it to win it, actually after the sent-off we were close to conced
      The semi-final is already set, if we qualify we face the winner from Barcelona game, big chance we will have another 2 classicos nooooooooo! The idea is awful, will be 2 much drama in April lol.

    • @DebStimson says:

      Were you able to record it to watch later? It was just a beautiful game by the guys. The Madrid that showed up against Sporting was just a totally different team. I'm sure the absence of Xabi, Marcelo & Cris didn't help but they just did not play well at all! Yesterday the "Real" Madrid team showed up. It was good to see them back.

  26. Rossanera says:

    I'm really conflicted about whether to feel glee that Inter was spanked or shamed that Italian sides have all fared so horribly in the Champions League this year.

  27. Jules says:

    Wow, the Schalke-Inter game was brilliant. Stankovic’s goal was a thing of beauty, I literally gasped when I saw it. And Schalke in the 2nd half were amazing. One of the best games (as someone who had no side) I’ve seen in a while.

    Did anyone else see Aaron Lennon insisting on Twitter that he wasn’t sick? There’s something strange going on…

    • @DebStimson says:

      It is strange. Most stories I heard was that he was sick but then one of the commentators said he was pulled after getting hurt in warm-ups. Maybe it was nerves after all?

      Stankovic HAS to be up for goal (or should I say golazo?) of the year after that strike!

    • I heard that he had been sick since Sunday and was put on antibiotics. He must have thought that he felt well enough to play or something. I don't know about this. People are telling conflicting stories, but Lennon says that they knew he was sick Tuesday before the tunnel.

  28. Leya_S says:

    I'm conflicted: As a Gunner, should I be happy that Tottenham got spanked, or as a Cule should I be sad that RM spanked them?

    Moving on, SCHALKE!!!! Holy smokes, that game was crazy. For starters, Dejan Stankovic's goal for Inter in the first minute was UNREAL. That being said, don't think anyone could have predicted the result. Felt bad for Chivu, bc his second yellow was not a yellow, but what can you do? I'm unbiased either way for Schalke and Inter, but the game was just great, and I often like to root for the underdogs. No matter what, I can't wait to see the return leg.

    • @DebStimson says:

      But what about the fact that a former Gunner scored a brace on the Spurs? That has to help solve the conflict, no? ;)

      • Leya_S says:

        Lol, true. I'll always love Adebayor no matter where he plays, and you're right, it was fitting that he scored the brace against Spurs.

  29. I have to honestly say that I didn't think Spurs would win yesterday, but I would have never guessed that it would be 4-0. They will need to be at their best if they want to come back at white heart lane. What's with Lennon? Was he nervous or something? That sounds a little questionable to me. I was also disappointed with Redknapp starting Bale on the right and Jenas in place of Lennon. I still love my Spurs though! COYS!

    • Raincitygirl says:

      The Lennon business all seems very mysterious. I wonder if he had a panic attack or something. I know we tend to think of footballers as having nerves of steel, but panic attacks can be very debilitating.

      • @DebStimson says:

        I thought the same…that it may be nerves when I heard that it wasn't until they had lined up in the tunnel that he was withdrawn from the line up. You are right that we tend to think of these guys as machines and not humans.

        I remember during the world cup hearing the commentator saying something about the guys being nervous. I asked my daughter if she thought they were nervous and she said, "Of course they are. I was nervous every time I went into the game." She's played 3 sports for most of her life and I never knew that she still got nervous. I guess I just thought that after you've spent so much time practicing and playing that nerves don't play a part anymore. Apparently, I couldn't be more wrong.

        I have to think that was part of Crouch's bad decisions too. I've heard that the Bernabéu is a pretty intimidating stadium to play in too.

  30. Elisa says:

    I've been following football for years, but every time I see a photo of Crouchie, I still react in shock and awe that someone can be that tall and that skinny. You'd think I'd have gotten used to it by now.

    Stupid tackles, though. Spurs needed every bit of strength if they were going to hold off Real Madrid, and he should have remembered that before he acted so recklessly. Marcelo's reaction, though, is very unsportsmanlike. Have some class.

  31. chay says:

    two healthy stompings in one day … i am not going to complain.

    as a madridista, i am not going to say i feel sorry for tottenham per se, but i do fee bad that they had to suffer for the reckless actions of mr. crouch.

    just a funny aside: i was sending an sms to my friend during the match and when i typed in "crouch", my mobile's predictive mode typed in "crotch" lol :-)

    • @DebStimson says:

      my mobile's predictive mode typed in "crotch" lol :-) hahahaha

      Crouch really blew any slim chance the Spurs had of beating Madrid. Both of his cards were from silly fouls that never needed to be made in the first place. Madrid would really have to implode at White Hart Lane not to make it through, imo.

  32. lorena_yGp says:

    How much do I loooove Cl!!!! WHOOOAAAW!!! :-) ))) great games last night!!! Only problem is- how will I be able to watch 2 games on 2 TVs tonight I have NO IDEA!!! Damn fixtures!!! ;-)

    • D0li says:

      one of the games might be online espn3..

      • @DebStimson says:

        unfortunately, it wasn't. :{

        Stupid streams for both games kept crapping out. Finally found one that worked from the NL for Barca. Still missed a couple of the goals when it kept cutting out. :{

        • lorena_yGp says:

          Thank you girls!!1 but in Serbia we had both games and my friends own a pub so we had a chance of watching both games in a same time :-) usually I jump every 2 minutes when I watch a game….so yesterday I basically had a cardio training :-) ))

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Me22222, I am very confused today, I want see Barcelona game, but at the same time there is Man united vs Chelesa, Platini should have divided games like he did with round 16th lol.

  33. xoWinnie says:

    i could not have asked for a better result (as far as Madrid goes)
    however, i hope that going into the next leg, Tottenham puts up more of a fight
    (to make the game all entertaining and such).
    but honestly…today is going to be a good day…
    can't wait to tell of some bandwagon-hopping haters ;)

    • meh says:

      it will be arsenal haters no doubt, but can you blame us after the earache spurs fans gave us…

  34. IrishBlue says:

    Oh Crouchie…..it all got too much for the Spurs boys, they looked like they needed a big bucket of water thrown over them at half time to calm them down. The Bernabeu looks like one hell of an intimidating place to be the away team though.

    Back to business: I'm gearing myself up for tonight as we speak, come on yee Blues!!

    Oh and Marcelo: Not cool man.

  35. Tina says:

    I feel sorry for Spurs, but they really didn't get into it as they should have. Poor Harry.

    Go Schalke! That was a bit of a surprise. But a happy one!

  36. Katrina says:

    I'm a Madrid fan, but I still feel a little bad for Spurs. What the hell was Crouch thinking?!? Not thinking, I guess is the more appropriate to use in this case. He knows he's a vital player to his squad. He knows that his team is already missing another important player. Yet he gets himself sent off in the first quarter of what is arguably the most important match Spurs will play all season. That's just stupid.

    Although I don't approve of Marcelo's reaction to the second yellow. That was a unnecessary and unsporting.

    • xoWinnie says:

      i agree…that was a douche move on Marcelo's part.
      if it had been the other way around, i would've flipped.

    • Tina says:

      A piss-poor behaviour from Marcelo. I wonder where he gets it from…*coughMourinhoCough*?

      • hbandshbreak says:

        Considering that Mou was nothing but respectful during the game and in his statements after, your comment is just ridiculously biased.

        Marcelo is a grown ass man and responsible for his own actions. Lay the blame for what I agree was not very sportsmanlike behavior where it belongs – with him.

        • Tina says:

          It takes more than one match and/or season for Mou to restore any kind of respect from me. Marcelo is a douchebag and so is his coach. They are two of a kind, that was my point. And biased? Sure I am when it comes to Mou. Always.

    • MadridistaJenn says:

      Your comment is dead on! Crouchie's expulsion was so preventable and the first card was from pure carelessness. I, too, cringed at Marcelo's reaction of the second yellow-it was completely uncalled for and not representative of the escudo of Madrid.

      On the bright side, they did a marvelous job keeping Bale (who could have been dangerous, given the chance) contained, limiting the number of time he was able to touch the ball, and the goals were fantastic.

    • hbandshbreak says:

      I'm a Madridista but I also like the Spurs and have many Spurs supporters as friends. I was dreading this match up and I honestly wasn't wishing for the blow out that it was. I was really pissed at Crouchie, he should have known better – his team really needed him and he really let them down. That was completely avoidable. I think Marcelo's reaction was not very sporting and I don't approve of it, but look at that fricking tackle that Crouchie took on him. He's lucky everything is in working order, especially since he just came back from injury and said he wasn't feeling 100% yet.

  37. Sergz says:

    Marcelo reminds me of that referee in the world cup that smiled like hell when he sent off a Swedish player (look at that smile 1:25) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBYsxC098wQ

    Schalke deserved their win, but I have to say that Inter played a good game too. When Stankovic scored that first goal I nearly wet my pants!

    About Chelsea – Man United tonight… As much as i'm rooting for my precious United, Stamford Bridge is their kryptonite and they haven't beaten Chelsea there for nine years. It's gonna be a tough match tonight.

  38. blitzenTO says:

    Wow. Just wow.

    Madrid is Crouch's kryptonite. That's where he met that hooker, right? I have no words for the idiocy of those two tackles. Deserved win for Madrid, but I was really hoping Tottenham would put up more of a fight.

    And kudos to Schalke. I was not expecting that, although I am very gleeful at seeing Inter suffer. Raul must be feeling like a million bucks right now!