February 24th, 2011

Champions League Results: Prettiness & Piles

Form a queue, please. The delegation of pretty has arrived at the Gerland Stadium. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

We thrive on the kind of excitement generated by last weeks’ Champions League results. It’s like a drug to us. But we have to say, the fact that this week’s fixtures were largely bereft of on pitch punch-ups, nudity and sofa bottoms has been something of a bonus.

You see, we have been preparing for last night’s conjunction of comely ever since the fixture schedule was announced. Any distraction from the sight of Yoann Gourcuff and Xabi Alonso jostling for position on the same pitch would have been a shattering blow to our collective libido.

The relief is palpable.

Feast your eyes for a few, Kickettes, then meander with us as we throw a cursory glance over the games. It’s implied that we take no responsibility for punishment meted out by bosses due to lack of productivity caused by persistent perving. It’s not our fault you can’t control yourselves.

Lyon 1-1 Real Madrid

Olympique Lyonnais.  They don’t mess about when it comes to the manpile, do they? Image: AP Photo/Daylife.

Apparently, a football match broke out while we were hunched over our TV remote, poised to pause on any ‘appropriate’ moments. Jose Mourinho’s side went to France bearing the weight of history – his side was previously 0-6 against Lyon and have failed to get past this stage of the tournament for the last six years.

Karim Benzema looked to have broken the jinx after a sixty-fifth minute strike, after chances from Cristiano Ronaldo and Sergio Ramos were repelled by the woodwork.  Bafe Gomis denied Los Blancos a famous win, though, by scoring the equaliser late on and jockeying for his spot in a spectacular manpile.

It’s all square for the second leg, but Madrid do have the away goal advantage. The fixture at the Bernabeu should be something special, indeed.

FC Copenhagen 0-2 Chelsea

His grasp of numbers may be poor, but he can certainly score. Ooh, did we just make up a new chant? How exciting! Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

We’re sending tons of warm fuzzies and Carlo Ancelotti bear hugs to Nicolas Anelka today,who scored twice in Chelsea’s away tie versus the Danish side. Fun fact: he joins Samuel Eto’o as the joint leading scorer in the tourney so far, with seven. Copenhagen, suffering from a lack of recent competitive fixtures, offered little in the way of response and the second leg appears to be a mere formality. Upward and onward!

Olympique de Marseille 0-0 Manchester United

Fancy seein’ you here, Vidic muscular strains. Image: AP Photo/Daylife.

Plain and simple, Nemanja Vidic’s thighs were the most exciting thing on display during last night’s game. Normally we are dubious in our requirements from top level European fixtures, but this whole situ was largely dull.

We could talk about the Marseille fans who generated an immense atmosphere when they weren’t shining lasers at United’s players (left) or throwing objects at them, we could assess the limited chances both sides had, but we’ll be having none of that. We were hot & bothered by greasy robot thighs, so creep we shall.

Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Inter Milan 0-1 Bayern Munich

Mario Gomez has new hair. The difference between Kickette and other websites? We say it. They just think it. Image: AP Photo/Daylife.

Our MOLN (match of last night) award goes to…Bayern Munich! Shocked? So were with, with Mario Gomez’ new coiff debut and all.

T’was the cow-licked coif that could who took the initiative once Julio Cesar fumbled Arjen Robben’s original strike, leaving the door open for Gomez to slot it home.

A priceless away goal? We’ll see, but things are looking a bit dodgy for the holders right now, that’s for sure.

Disappointed by the results? Or still too distracted with your fevered imaginings of Lashes and Xabi plus one? Tell us. But keep it clean or we’ll nuke ya.

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52 Responses to “Champions League Results: Prettiness & Piles”

  1. sophmatthews says:

    totally lovin mario's new hairdo, he looked very suave. although in yesterday's game against dortmund, he had it gelled back instead of its cute floppyness :(

  2. SunnyK says:

    Luis Figo was mere feet away from Leonardo on Wednesday night on the Inter Milan bench. I was hoping there'd be some pics of that mind-blowing gorgeousness some place on the interwebs, but alas, my search has come up fruiltless. PLEASE HELP KICKETTE!

  3. mochara says:

    oooh Yoann, he's just a whole lotta pretty……………

  4. emma says:

    BENZEMA!!!!! SO GLAD HE SCORED!!! UFFF AND GOURCUFF!!!! I’M GOING CRAZY p.s i blame kickette for my loss! can’t wait for Arsenal to beat barca in their backyard. !!COME ON NOW GUNNERS!!

  5. mamaly says:

    This just did it for me. Go Real !!!!

  6. xabiforever says:

    Xaaabbbiiii <3

  7. NinaNoir says:

    Kind of epic that an ex-Lyon player should be the one to finally score against Lyon for RM ;) That was some entrance for Benzema!

    Also, still waiting for Nando to score. It shall be soon, I tell you.

  8. Clare says:

    Mario Gomez's new hair makes me sad. He looks like he should be in a boy band.

  9. torontonian.madrista says:

    mmhmm xabi&yoann (;
    thanks kickette that pic just made my bday wayy better(:

  10. dendrobiem says:

    Not only are his Lashes amazing, but so are his quads. That boy's got some spectacular thighs. I was actually worried that he would get hurt when he fell into the RM bench.

  11. Josie says:

    I sometimes can't believe how beautiful Yoann is. I sometimes sing Yoann your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind. Everytime I come to Kickette and see his face I am instantly in a better mood. Whew! If I ever saw that man in public I would embarrass badly by either falling down, fainting, or not being able to get out words. :)

  12. Josie says:

    I love Gourcuff! That man is sooooooooo good-looking. When he stumbled into the benches I laughed and said aww if only I had been there for him to stumble onto. ;)

  13. SoccerrLoverrr says:

    Yoann and xabi in one pic? a gurl can only take so much hotness..

  14. Kate says:

    Oh no Mario, what happened there?

  15. JenNY says:

    XABI & YOEY!
    my goddddddd, how did i miss thisss? oh wait, school. and the fact that they show these matches in new york. =/

    i know it's ridiculous, i've got my own nickname for yoann.

  16. Mrs. Smalling says:

    Watching Chris Smalling play kept me interested the whole way through the game … ! :)

  17. @AgnesWonka says:

    I just can't believe MU and RM ties! it's so retarded!!

  18. Tabby the saucy aussie says:

    AWWW did anyone else see Yoann fall and stack it down those stairs
    Its alright sweetie ill rub your bum and make it all better ;)

  19. Jen says:

    Lashes and Alonso….love it!!!! Both adorable, both sexy…..who to cheer for???

  20. TheAmethyst007 says:

    First of all, I'm loving the action shot of Yoann and Xabi :)
    1) Well, a draw is always better than a loss, although I really, really wish Lyon hadn't gotten that equaliser. Karim Benzema, I am falling in love with you all over again. Thanks for playing so well <3
    2) A few weeks ago, I would have gone on an anti-Chelsea rampage everytime they won. So it's really good to know that I'm moving past the whole Nando-leaving-us-for-them debacle. I still dislike the team, but I'll respect them.
    3) Okay Europe League now, LIVERPOOL WON!! We're into the round of 16. Can't wait for our game on Saturday. Hope we win b/c we're making our comeback…slowly, but surely.

  21. kim says:

    Mmm Xaaabi :)

  22. lorena_yGp says:


    P.S. You know what picture I'm talking about ;-) :-) ))

  23. Deanna says:

    My God is Yoann good looking. For the betterment of humanity we should have children. I don't have much to offer, but the traits I do have would only intensify our childrens' beauty.

    I turn 24 in 2 days… I know what I'm wishing for. ;D

  24. Alia says:


  25. Summer says:

    "Wait. Chelsea is not dead. Chelsea is still alive!"…I will always remember these words. Thank you Carlo. And now I'm curious to see the match at home against Manchester United on Tuesday. It'll be a derby also at my home between me
    (Chelsea) and my brother (United)…I hope so!

    • IrishBlue says:

      Derby at home for me too between me and my boyfriend who for some reason is Manchester United crazy/obsessed. He thinks he has the power to convert me to his way of thinking but that ain't ever gonna happen!

      • Summer says:

        :) I hope you will remain a Blues… My brother has been mocking me recently because of my beloved Chelsea and now I'm anxious to take my revenge. He doesn't remember that last year we eon the Double and that just yesterday his Untied just got at draw at Velodrome against Marseille, the same Marseille that we have beaten this season in Champions.

        • IrishBlue says:

          I know what you mean about the mocking, I get plenty of it myself! He took me to Old Trafford last season for Man Utd Vs Arsenal, pretending to be happy when Rooney scored was not very successful! But once a blue, always a blue :) I'm just waiting patiently for our comeback to amazingness…:D

  26. Leya_S says:

    This man is simply amazing. And hot (even with his strange hair). But also amazing.
    The Lyon-RM match was too gorgeous for words, lot's of man candy on the field! And as much as I'm not a RM fan, I can't help but smile when Sergio Ramos goes forward to try and score a goal. Attacking defenders, gotta love it.

  27. @aristeia says:

    Wait… have Anelka's eyebrows always looked like that?

  28. gin_in_teacups says:

    I was disappointed with the RM game. After we scored my heart was in my throat, I just KNEW that we weren't going to hold on to the lead. Hopefully the home advantage will see us through the next match but I'm nervous. Definitely nervous.

    • GinaM says:

      Me too but we come with an advantage of an away goal. and i think at the Bernabeau with the support of fans we can play different! I am hoping with allllllllllllllllllllllll my heart!

    • senora ramos says:

      amen sister!! i have been saying for weeks that karim would be the reason that we go through. when he scored that goal….and then gomis :(
      i really feel we can do it this year! two days b/f my bday, our boys won't let me down….right?

  29. Loca says:

    rumours are afloat that mesut özil has something with the ex of matteo ferrari ( Aida… what ever…)
    i saw a picture and heard that they left the same restaurant ….
    i hope it isnt true… i think he deserved someone better than her
    she has a child and is a slut im sorry but its the truth
    she is one of these wanna be supermodels who have to make nude photographsto get famous

    but mesut is so stupid, coz he always fall in love with such women
    and than he is saying that he is sooooo religious and what ever

    Mesut be careful!!!!!!!!!

    • sassyprincess says:

      yep, couldn't agree more. He has a thing for a specific kind of gardening tool. Starts with an 'h' and ends in 'oe'.

      • LL_o says:

        I could not agree more with you girls! I mean, being with the other "gardening tool" was not enough! C'moooooooon Mesut!!

  30. nandosfreckles says:

    loved the Lyon- RM match, so many beauties in one game, i just couldn't decide who to look at!

    oh and Nando still hasn't scored… you know just sayin'.

  31. nandosfreckles says:

    lol yeah i saw that, but he was just so chill about it haha

    • Marie says:

      Haha I think he was in shock. The RM players seemed to be quite nice in helping him up though, once they got over their surprise. Maybe this will put dear Lashes back on track for the Finest Five? One can only hope.

  32. Thea says:

    Guys – I have a feeling that MANU and RM are in trouble, you can't discount these Freanch teams. Just a hunch but think we maybe talking upset in two weeks time!

    • Leya_S says:

      I would be SO game for an upset for both of these teams. Granted, RM wouldn't be much of an upset, per se, bc their record against Lyon is abysmal, and they haven't advanced past quarter final stage in forever.
      Not hatin', just stating facts.

      • Thea says:

        I only hope the upset is not Barca! xxx

        Real Madrid I think are on the verge of imploding and Manchester have yet to be really rattled by anyone yet!

        • RMD<3 says:

          I think Real Madrid played fantastic in that game, we had more chances then Lyon did.

          I think second round at the Bernabeau will be different, We come with an advantage of an away goal :)

    • MrsNesta says:

      Thea you know you're hoping for an upset with RM LMAO, well all I've got to say is Barca beware my Gunners are gonna get you LOL :)

      • Leya_S says:

        I didn't want to say "Barca upset" bc it still breaks my heart, them being my other favorite team, but…..

        GUNNERS!!! We're storming Camp Nou!!
        If anything else, that game will be amazing.

    • Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

      I have that feeling too, Thea. At least when it comes to RM. Not because it's RM, but because Lyon looks so goddamn determined! And I would so much like it if at least one of my swedes (Kim Källström) succeded in this bloody tournament!

      And I will stand by my Barca, come whatever!

  33. IrishBlue says:

    Yay!!! Beating a dreadful Copenhagen is better than what we have been conjuring up lately so I'm pleased :) I have now convinced myself that Nando is saving himself for the Man United match next week. Just let it be so…..

    Gourcuff and Xabi plus one (me)?? I am ALL OVER THAT. What a tasty man-sandwich that would be…..(oh god that sounds so wrong but it's so right!) What have you done to me Kickette??