February 24th, 2011
Champions League Results: Prettiness & Piles
Form a queue, please. The delegation of pretty has arrived at the Gerland Stadium. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
We thrive on the kind of excitement generated by last weeks’ Champions League results. It’s like a drug to us. But we have to say, the fact that this week’s fixtures were largely bereft of on pitch punch-ups, nudity and sofa bottoms has been something of a bonus.
You see, we have been preparing for last night’s conjunction of comely ever since the fixture schedule was announced. Any distraction from the sight of Yoann Gourcuff and Xabi Alonso jostling for position on the same pitch would have been a shattering blow to our collective libido.
The relief is palpable.
Feast your eyes for a few, Kickettes, then meander with us as we throw a cursory glance over the games. It’s implied that we take no responsibility for punishment meted out by bosses due to lack of productivity caused by persistent perving. It’s not our fault you can’t control yourselves.
Lyon 1-1 Real Madrid
Olympique Lyonnais. They don’t mess about when it comes to the manpile, do they? Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
Apparently, a football match broke out while we were hunched over our TV remote, poised to pause on any ‘appropriate’ moments. Jose Mourinho’s side went to France bearing the weight of history – his side was previously 0-6 against Lyon and have failed to get past this stage of the tournament for the last six years.
Karim Benzema looked to have broken the jinx after a sixty-fifth minute strike, after chances from Cristiano Ronaldo and Sergio Ramos were repelled by the woodwork. Bafe Gomis denied Los Blancos a famous win, though, by scoring the equaliser late on and jockeying for his spot in a spectacular manpile.
It’s all square for the second leg, but Madrid do have the away goal advantage. The fixture at the Bernabeu should be something special, indeed.
FC Copenhagen 0-2 Chelsea
His grasp of numbers may be poor, but he can certainly score. Ooh, did we just make up a new chant? How exciting! Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.
We’re sending tons of warm fuzzies and Carlo Ancelotti bear hugs to Nicolas Anelka today,who scored twice in Chelsea’s away tie versus the Danish side. Fun fact: he joins Samuel Eto’o as the joint leading scorer in the tourney so far, with seven. Copenhagen, suffering from a lack of recent competitive fixtures, offered little in the way of response and the second leg appears to be a mere formality. Upward and onward!
Olympique de Marseille 0-0 Manchester United
Fancy seein’ you here, Vidic muscular strains. Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
Plain and simple, Nemanja Vidic’s thighs were the most exciting thing on display during last night’s game. Normally we are dubious in our requirements from top level European fixtures, but this whole situ was largely dull.
We could talk about the Marseille fans who generated an immense atmosphere when they weren’t shining lasers at United’s players (left) or throwing objects at them, we could assess the limited chances both sides had, but we’ll be having none of that. We were hot & bothered by greasy robot thighs, so creep we shall.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
Inter Milan 0-1 Bayern Munich
Mario Gomez has new hair. The difference between Kickette and other websites? We say it. They just think it. Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
Our MOLN (match of last night) award goes to…Bayern Munich! Shocked? So were with, with Mario Gomez’ new coiff debut and all.
T’was the cow-licked coif that could who took the initiative once Julio Cesar fumbled Arjen Robben’s original strike, leaving the door open for Gomez to slot it home.
A priceless away goal? We’ll see, but things are looking a bit dodgy for the holders right now, that’s for sure.
Disappointed by the results? Or still too distracted with your fevered imaginings of Lashes and Xabi plus one? Tell us. But keep it clean or we’ll nuke ya.