September 29th, 2011

Champions League Results Pt II: Damage Limitation

Yeah, that strange, high pitched keening noise you can hear, Mikey, is the sound of several thousand Kickette soldier boys and girls politely requesting that you remove your base layers. Crack on. Image: PATRIK STOLLARZ/AFP/Getty Images.

It’s part two of our Champions League results round-up. This edition was brought to you with half a gallon of filter coffee, two slices of slightly stale ginger cake we found in the kitchen and the faint hope that Friday will have magically morphed into Saturday when we wake up tomorrow.

How’s your day looking?

AC Milan 2-0 Plzen

Is this Antonio Cassano’s way of telling us that Christopher is teething? Or has he just picked up a rather embarrassing habit from his five month old son? Image: Marco Luzzani/Getty Images.

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BATE Borisov 0-5 Barcelona

We imagine that in the next ten seconds, BATE’s Filipp Rudik will realise he’s just kicked Carles Puyol in the backside and given him an involuntary blow-out. Our advice? Run like hell. Image: VIKTOR DRACHEV/AFP/Getty Images.

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Arsenal 2-1 Olympiakos

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain responds to claims that he is Arsenal’s latest saviour. We don’t rate your chances of escape after that goal, bubba. Image: REUTERS/Toby Melville.

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Marseille 3-0 Borussia Dortmund

Please bear in mind that although Marseille’s third kit is absolutely hideous, its viewing pleasure should not be underestimated. Image: GERARD JULIEN/AFP/Getty Images.

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Valencia 1-1 Chelsea

If these two had been holding hands in this photo, our noises of appreciation would have exceeded the decibel output of a jumbo jet. As it is, we’re hovering around raucous. You? Image: Image: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images.

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Zenit St Petersburg 3-1 FC Porto

Zenit’s Szabolcs Huszti (l) and Aleksandr Bukharov (c) have obviously read up on what can happen to a boy’s happy place if it is struck by a spherical object kicked by a Brazilian nicknamed ‘Hulk’. Image: AP Photo/Dmitry Lovetsky.

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There’s barely time to draw breath before another exciting round of league fixtures. Hurry up, people!

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19 Responses to “Champions League Results Pt II: Damage Limitation”

  1. [...] violation Read the original: Clubs that breach finance rules may have Champions League cash seized • Ban on transfers has also been proposed by Uefa • Sanctions would extend to Europa League pri…re tax and accounting charges, there is no policy for what sanctions will be applied to clubs in [...]

  2. Miss Lampard says:

    Oh oh I'm over the moon 'cause my cute-cute boy scored yesterday..So proud to wear your shirt for sleeping every night, so proud of you at all. Oh he is the man on the left side of the last pic :)

  3. Gladys says:

    So proud of Barca's play (Xavi and Masch in particular) and hope Puyi is OK. Though I know they parked the bus, Bate's troupe of close-cropped Eastern European adorables (check out their head coach!) seemed like they just needed a frickin' hug by the end…especially the defender who scored the own goal. At the same time, their fans were amazing– so supportive and enthusiastic the whole time no matter what the score. I hope they win at least one game this round (hopefully not at Barca's expense).

    Wish I could have watched Chelsea vs. Valencia…love Mata, love Soldado…guess I'm OK that it was a tie.

    On the other hand, I really wanted Shakhtar to win, but congrats to Arsenal.

  4. Kristina says:

    Zlatan is looking fresh and determined again. Good for Milan and good for all of us that just like to look at him ;) .

    Bate tried the ol' "parking the bus" against Barca. I don't blame them, but it just doesn't work. And Kickette, I love the captions for the Rudik/Puyol and the Lampard/ Terry pics

  5. Marika says:

    I am so happy for Milan and Zlatan. Well done. Cassano and Zlatan play well together. You can tell how Zlatan feels just by looking at his face and right now he is enjoying playing and I think it is wonderful to look at it.

  6. JA7 says:

    Arsenal the only english team to win this week!!! ajKHdfkajhfkajfkasjkj I'm SOO ECSTATIC and and and sooo proud of Chamberlain to be the youngest english player at 18 to score in the Champions League!!! :D :D :D AND JACK WILSHERE IS A DAD! Welcome to the world Archie Jack Wilshere :) Wenger, sign him up!

  7. IrishBlue says:

    Oh Kalou, why did you have to handball and spoil the partay? I must say though, Valencia's goalie was brill, he made some absolutely fabulous saves. I'm also delighted for Frank, here's to a season of plenty of goals from him :)

    The weird row at the end was ridiculous though, ending a pretty good game in needless yellow cards that could have been easily avoided.

    • April says:

      I am still trying to understand the ending to that game… I rewinded and replayed several times, and that official was just making the strangest calls. He was really not into giving free kicks or penalties on contact, but did so easily for the handball (which I didn't get a good angle on, but am told it definitely happened). Then he tosses out yellow cards left and right to Chelsea for them having been upset to be rewarded a free kick only to have him blow the final whistle before they could take it. What strange officiating from that game. I hope no other teams have to suffer that ref… unless maybe it's my competition ;)

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Valenica played great, a draw was fair, penalty rewarded Valencia with a goal deserved :) . But, poor mata he was in Valencia back way too soon, he got booed, BUT he got a standing ovation in the end good!
      Avb was impressive as a coach btw :)

      • IrishBlue says:

        Poor Mata is right! He must have been feeling under pressure to perform in front of his old team/friends/fans, you're right it was a bit too soon.

        • Gladys says:

          I was wondering if they were going to bench him or at least not start him, but maybe that would have been just as weird. Oh well, I'm glad he got a standing ovation in the end. Gotta love Valencia's fans for that. It's not easy to lose one of your top players.

          • April says:

            Unfortunately for them some "fan" had the laser pointer out and may cause some issue for Valencia… I do hate when one bad apple chooses to ruin it for the rest. Hope they find a way to punish only the offender and not the team or other fans that were part of a good crowd.

  8. Miss XOXO says:

    Im glad Lampsy scoring a goal…

  9. Fiona says:

    I feel really sorry for Dortmund, I think they're so young and dynamic and I always want them to do well because they're a great team. They do crumble under pressure though and I hope they'll be able to turn things around.

    On another note: Visca el Barca! A real show of dominance and Bate made it extremely difficult for my guys because they were defending with ALL field players. But as always, Xavi was the dictator of the match and initiator of every attack. I think the ball entered the blaugrana half fives times tops. Another manita for Barcelona and surely not the last one of this season!

    • DebS says:

      I started watching the Barca game but it wasn't much of a game. Bate apparently thought they had no chance in h*ll to win so they opted for playing defense, as you said. I watched it until half time but it was already 3-0 and it didn't look like it was going to get any better for Bate. Their goal keeper was having a rough time and didn't stand a chance against Barca. Poor guy.

      Villa had a beautiful assist on Pedro's goal. You know it's going to be a long night for Bate when Pedro, one of the shortest players on the team, scores off a header. lol

  10. Kat22 says:

    I was so happy for Frank Lampard – after everything that has been written and said about him lately he really deserved that goal.

    Diego Alves was amazing! I think the commentator said at the start of the game that he wasn't Valencia's first choice. Well, if he was second choice I'd like to see their first!

  11. Sarah, Madrid says:

    I loved Chelesa vs Valencia! Second half was amazing, our boy Canales did great, he was amazing! Amazing! He deserved an assist or a goal.
    Diego Alves topped iker saves, I thought no one could, but he did! Wow wow! What saves!

    • DebS says:

      That was a spectacular game…from both sides. Now THAT's what I want to see in a Champions League game.

      I am so happy for Canales! He seems to be fitting in so well at Valencia and he's playing great. A bit of confidence can do wonders, no?